I'm a mother - Is this it?

[weesagirl]

Hi, I've just joined here.
I have a beautiful daughter that I adore more than anything in the world. I knew I'd love her but I never expected to feel this depth of feeling for her.
She is 13 weeks old.

The thing is, I was a career girl and now my life revolves around feeds and nappies. I feel like a dried up, shrivelled up milk bar. I used to be fun, lively, sexy (well I had my moments!), and now I'm a mother.
Just when i think I've cried all my tears I just manage to squeeze a few more out

My partner is a good man, but works very hard and doesn't seem interested in feeding/bathing/changing her and I don't want to push him (although he always finds time to walk the dogs!).

Where from here? Will it always be this way?

Weesagirl, you are so normal to be feeling like this! I distinctly remember my glamorous friends coming over (they thought "only in their work clothes") and crying when they left as they had make up on, looked trim and professional and smelt of Gucci instead of baby sick and poo! Your whole life changes and you do need to adjust but you'll get there..........flying sounds fantastic, I went swimming and left Ds in the creche there!!!!
It's funny cos now those friends who made me all envious are all pregnant and asking me for advice!!
It gets so much easier as you get used to it all and also as the man in your life helps out more!

No it is not always like this, it gets soooo much better as they get older. They are still demanding, just not quite so often! It gives you time to have a shower, get makeup on, brush your hair....

I found it nice to keep makeup in the living room, so I could watch baby and apply make up. It made me feel so much better to wear my "face"

I've really enjoyed reading this thread; it's so heartening to find out that other mums felt like I did and still do albeit not very often now. My dd is 15mths now but when she was first born I thought I'd made a huge mistake. I didn't feel bonded to her at all and that made me feel very scared. I lost my appetite totally and my arms felt like lead - quite literally. Everyone said it was quite normal to feel this way and that it would get better; I didn't believe them. But it does. Hang in there weesagirl. I'm back at work four days now and have to admit it's much easier than being ASAHM. Hats off to all those who are!!! You girls are right about DH/DP's - not much use but they get there in the end...sort of!

I do think alot of people feel this way - as can be seen by the majority of the responses. I also thought I had made a HUGE mistake, although my DD was desperately wanted. I remember feeling so tired that I felt stapled to the sofa when I sat down - it was a real effort to get back up again!

I've said it before and I will say it again - there are those to whom motherhood comes very naturally and easily (breeze through no sleep, relish little babies, cope with all that they through at you) and those like myself who have to work at it every day - and still do - DD is 3yo and I am still floundering, but doing an overall good job I hope. I also work 4 days and this has helped me enormously.

Although DS was much wanted and planned motherhood came as a huge shock. It is much harder than you can ever imagine and It took me a good few months to bond properly.
A year on I have a beautiful little boy, my figure back and I work 2 days a week which suits me down to the ground.
The first few months are difficult but things definitely improve. Yes, there are still bad days but nothing compared to them first few weeks, just hang on in there and try to get out and about as much as possible.

WSG - you are missing your 'other' life BC (before children) and that's a perfectly natural emotion - most of us feel it. Motherhood is such a shock to the system - you think that if you hold down a demanding career you sure as hell are going to able to hold down a demanding baby - it takes, ooh, about 2 weeks to realise it's a completely different ball game!

What makes it harder is the 'voice of society' telling you that you should be completely fulfilled and not wish for any of your own life at all.

I think Crunchie's post from yesterday evening is spot on. Making time for you is so important, it's not selfish to want time without your baby to go to the gym, the pub, or just read the paper! It keeps you sane IMO, and much better able to look after your child.

You may find returning to work either full or part time will be the answer for you too.

Your up and down days will pass - you're only 3 months into the biggest change in your life, give yourself a chance! Good luck.

I was the same initially, and I found the hours between about 4-8pm particularly hard waiting for my dh to get back home from work. I went back to work pt when dd was 5 months old, which I never thought I'd do, and really enjoyed it. Problem was, managed to get pregnant again imm, something in the water, so now 22 weeks pregnant, and starting maternity leave in August!

But think it's very important to take time for yourself, girly suppers, gym, flying, whatever interests you. DD is now 9 1/2 months and a total delight, so it definitely gets easier!

When I think about how I felt just after dd was first born - I truly thought I should let someone else look after her; I was the one woman who was not cut out for motherhood. I went to see my GP and on the way there I felt like just carrying on walking and not going back . It makes me feel sad when I look at those first pictures knowing I didn't feel happy/elated, just full of dread. Now, I can't wait to leave work and get to her....having said that, in all honesty motherhood doesn't complete me as a person and I need work (my job is by no means high-powered)to help me enjoy my daughter more

has anyone read this in today's Guardian?

What a very sad story. But I can symphasise with some parts of her story, and I'm not even such a career woman! Sounds as though she needed an outside interest early on, except for her children.

It's a sad tale, but I would think quite common (in varing degrees and slight differentials) with a lot of mothers. Good job MN is here to let it all out - I find it very thereputic and cathartic to write down how I feel...particularly when I'm at work .

Yes absolutely. It took me a while to totally bond with my dd, and I did go a little bonkers for a while! Coming back to work pt was the answer, but then managed to get pregnant imm - so there will be a 14month age gap between the two! Looks like life will be very busy!

That article is fascinating and very brave. I'm not sure I feel it is so sad, as she is very realistic about her feelings. I think the adjustment is incredible, particularly to marry and then have two small children post 40....I think this situation is far more common than we think.

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