a drug addict has just moved in with me help...

[FranklyIDontGiveAMam]

a VERY regular but have namechanged.

A relative has moved in (300 miles away from his friends and influences) and is attempting to withdraw from heroine, following the NHS 3 year programme in 10 days.

We've had the violence (towards things, not me) and the shouting, but now we are onto severe stomach cramps, talking nonsense and asking every 5 minutes what the time is. Next dose of meth due at midnight.

I have dragged him to a sympathetic phamacist who has sold him some pills to relax his stomach, but obviously can't give him anything else without a prescription.

Can anyone offer any suggestions of anything else either I or he can do to help?

[WittyKitty]

"Heroin addiction is a fucking miserable existence"

So true.

This in a way is the easy part. IME the harder part is them staying off it. Best of luck to you.

[QuantitativeMeasure]

That is true especially when the only 'friends' left are users.

My brother has no real friends anymore, he is very lonely.

[noddyholder]

QM my brother has no freinds really either It is weird and sad.He alienates everyone though even now he is clean

[Rhubarb]

Bless you, you are doing all you can. He's in good hands and if he is going to quit, he'll do it with you.

However you must figure out where you draw the line personally. If it doesn't work, what will you do with him? If he relapses, what will you do?

You must not put yourself or your family in any danger at all. If you buy for him, then you are guilty of supplying and could find yourself facing a prison sentence. This man needs help, but not at the expense of your own family.

For now though, you are his guardian angel. He sounds determined from what you've told us. I really do hope that he suceeds. He's a lucky lucky man to have you there for support, as you can see from this thread, many others would have turned their backs on him. He's not your dh, he's just a 'relative' - who else would do all of this for a relative?

Give him all the help he needs but do make sure you know where your boundaries lie. Just for your own personal safety, you need to have worked out beforehand at what point you stop and what Plan B is. Because once you're put on the spot it's very hard to say no.

Do let him know that there are people out there thinking of him, wishing him well - and do tell him that we want a happy ending to this tale! For both of you. x

[QuantitativeMeasure]

It's very sad Noddy, its almost as if he is being further persecuted. He is terribly lonely.

He phoned me two night ago to tell me that the local bingo place had sent him some free tickets through (like a mailshot type thing), as it was recently his birthday. He said that the tickets said he could take three friends, when I said who are you going to take?, he said- " I dont know, I haven't got three friends"

I cried when I put the phone down.

When I worked within a substance misuse team, everyone who was on a detox programme spoke of the same feelings- Boredom and loneliness- trying to become clean and staying away from 'friends' is hard- its almost a culture shock.

[flightoftheeasterbunyip]

Rhubarb you're speaking some sense but please stop romanticising what OP is doing.

'guardian angel' is a bit, well...

[noddyholder]

I don't think she is romanticising Until you have supported someone through this you can never know what it is like.A guardian angel is right.Not many people would take it on as it is so complex but those who put themselves out in that way under such difficult circumstances are angels for sure

[flightoftheeasterbunyip]

I didn't mean that exactly Noddy

It just dismisses the fact this bloke has done this before and is asking OP to do something really, really upsetting

it worries me that OP is being used like this, really. But it's her call obviously. I just hate to see anyone being used or taken advantage of, and emphasising the 'aren't you wonderful' side of it sounds a bit like it's glossing over the reality.

But as you say I've no experience and have no right to judge anything or anyone on the thread.

I'll leave you in the hands of those who understand, OP.

[flightoftheeasterbunyip]

Further to explain - imagine someone had decided to jump off a tall building, and asked you to come out on the ledge and help them in...considering you have young children, presumably, who might be left without a mother...

I wouldn't be telling the person they were brave, if they decided to walk out and help the person back in - if there was proper professional help available that would accomplish the same.

I would be telling them not to be so f*cking stupid.

But it's arguable as to whether the pro avenue would work in this case so slightly different - again, I'll stop interfering. I'm grateful not to have experience in this situation.

[noddyholder]

The professional help doesn't always accomplish the same though.In fact it is no more likely to work as the real recovery is always in the hands of the person themself.The fact that he has done it before shouldn't be a deterrent many people take a few goes to get there I know my brother did.

[FranklyIDontGiveAMam]

Hi everyone. Thanks for your support. He thought he was going to die last night, but is SO much better today. He's managed a few more hours sleep too.

He's been all over my house promising to fix things, make a new kitchen worktop, plaster the garage, tile the bathroom and prune our trees. I know he means it, but I also know that whatever he 'means' his future is unpredictableso am taking it with a pinch of salt.

He's had 2 showers (has been living and sleeping in his clothes for the past 3 days) and has now gone to the gym that he joined yesterday, and to find the local job centre (he won't be staying with me permenantly, but his mum when she returns from her cruise lives local to me).

He is planning to go to the nice pharmacist again on Monday and ask for something with codeine in it and some night nurse or sleeping pills.

I really can't believe the difference in him today, but at the same time I know we are now beginning the longhaul which is possibly harder than the dramatic short-term scary bit.

[FranklyIDontGiveAMam]

And thank you noddy for sharing your experience a little. It has been very helpful.

[WittyKitty]

That's great news. The gym is a fantastic idea. Hopefully that will help him mentally too and he could meet healthy (drug free) people there, make friendships.

Definitely a good move.

[FranklyIDontGiveAMam]

Even if he doesn't make friends he's got something to DO.

He bought some protien shake stuff from H&B (I don't really get this tbh), so I think he's planning to become obsessed with getting fit/in shape which I suppose in his situation is a good thing?

[Devendra]

I have not read all the thread but my advice to you is to get hold of some valium if you can just to get him through a few days.. no more though as it is addictive too of course.. I used to work within substance misuse and all the people I have known to go cold turkey have used valium and bucket loads of cannabis. Its goo that he is away from his usual enviroment so away from temptation.. and its worth remembering that stopping is the easy part its staying stopped that is the hardest. Good luck to you both.

[scottishmummy]

dear god no adhoc medication or procuring valium.go to gp.you cannot be expected to manage this alone

opiate withdrawal is physically and mentally demanding.go see gp

[FranklyIDontGiveAMam]

scottishmummy - as already mentioned he can't and won't go to the gp.

he also has an inner self-belief in himself that he thinks systems and professionals will erode. they know from their experience and training what is best for him, but he feels he has better knowledge than they ever will about him.

[scottishmummy]

well he would say that wouldn't he?adhoc med and procuring valium not the way to go

[FranklyIDontGiveAMam]

what do you suggest then that doesn't ivolve the gp, and therefore risk getting the other support he wants?

and he might say that, - but so do i, and i'm not a drug addict, but prefer to deal with my own problems myself rather than involve other people. it is just the way i am, so i can understand it in him.

[scottishmummy]

look if he has such searing insight and emm self healing he wouldn't be rolliung about on your floor woukd he?you sound as if you are ciolluding with an anti-professionalsim doit yourself programme

i advise you seek face to advice.not a bunch of strangers with pc.this needs a thorough medical assessment

[FranklyIDontGiveAMam]

yes it is a diy programme. It isn't what i advised him to do, it is far from what i think is ideal, but it is the only way he will do it and he WANTS to do it

medical assessment will put him on a back foot wrt to getting his life back on track.

if he did it their way he'd be an unemployable methadone addict for the next 3 years

i havent really colluded, i've just allowed him to get on and do what he'd doing in a safe place, and touch wood we appear to be through the worst.

He has had 'some' medical assistance. he has been honest with the pharmacist (keeping anonomous of course) who after trying to persuade him to either see a gp or go more slowly, sold him some medicines to help him with the side effects.

fwiw I've used MN as MY support, not for him.

[scottishmummy]

with all due respect does he have the insight/ability to determine his own treatment path?

might not his volition/past experience/addiction influence his decision making.can he be wholly objective about his own care

why deny professional help/opinion

[ilovemydogandMrObama]

Frankly, is he taking vitamins?

Think I said earlier that my mom has supervised heroin withdrawals, and ensuring vitamin intake can help.

Is he able to eat at all? Would he be able to keep a smoothie down?

Total respect to you for doing this.

[scottishmummy]

i am offsky this isn't about some vitamins or bit valium.you are discussing a complex medical and psychosocial condition.needs thorough assessment and management

[FranklyIDontGiveAMam]

with all due respect right back at you, he is the only one capable of determining his own treatment path. Professionals may be able to intervene/assist/interfere, but it has to come from him.

I expect his past experience has very much to do with his decision making, who's doesn't? But addiction rehab can't be treated objectively, - it can ONLY be treated subjectively, but usually assistance is beneficial. It is the assistance he is refusing, because as i've already explained why his addition cannot be recorded.

ive tried hard to encourage him to seek assistance, but i'll not throw him out just because he has very good reasons to refuse it.