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Original poster

Does anyone else DREAD weekends

60 replies

WeekendDisliker · 18/04/2005 13:13

I am generally a happy-go-lucky person. I am 30 yrs old and a step mother to two girls (16+13) and dd (2yrs). My DH is 10 years older than me. I am starting to hate my life...

My saturday is spent - wake up feed dd, dress dd, dress me, go to shops, feed dd, put dd to sleep, cook lunch, clean house, do washing, cook dinner, bath dd, go to sleep.

Sunday - wake up feed dd, dress her & me, clean house, cook lunch, iron, cook dinner, bath dd, go to sleep.

Never enough money to go anywhere, DH never has enough iterest to take a drive/walk. Is this really what life is supposed to be about?????

OP posts:
Original poster
WeekendDisliker · 18/04/2005 13:32

His money goes to the morgage and fixing up things in the house, my money goes to feed us, clothe us and make SURE there is always food on the table when he is hungry... Its just my job. Thats how it always was... I just want some time out so that i can also have a bit of fun. Thought of doing pottery - but that would be hard with dd. If i dont have food on the table, or leave her with him to go to a pottery class, I get told I am not a good mother and that I must stop trying to be like my single friends who are always out and about - because I am not single and I have responsibilities at home.

OP posts:
oatcake · 18/04/2005 13:33

simple for us to say, but, things have to change... sorry.

Fimbo · 18/04/2005 13:33

Couldn't you all go cycling together and have a picnic or go out for lunch? Does he not want to spend time with his children on the weekend?

feelingold · 18/04/2005 13:34

So a 16 and 13 year old and their dad are not capable of getting themselves some lunch while you go out???
My 9 year old is able to get herself a sandwich and some fruit etc.
I find that if you want to go out you have to make the plans yourself and then just tell everyone else 'we are going to go to XXX today so get ready we leave in 1 hour'.
My dh is fantastic around the house etc but never thinks to plan going out so I have to make the decisions and then just tell him where we are going.
If money is tight just plan to go out once a month somewhere eg swimming, bowling etc or cheaper options eg picnic in the park (summertime), walk by the river and stop off for a coffee or ice cream.
Good luck and make some plans!!

iota · 18/04/2005 13:34

agree with Daliah - they are perfectly capable of fending for themselves. At 16 the eldest girl should be capable of doing her own laundry, cooking dinner and cleaning the house as well.

I had a Sat job doing all that stuff when I was 16 - and looked after 2 small boys as well ( my employers, not mine)

zebraX · 18/04/2005 13:34

Can't your step-DD's babysit the 2yo?? Let you go out? Why don't the step-DD 's help with the housework or cooking? They're old enough, surely???

cod · 18/04/2005 13:34

Message withdrawn

cod · 18/04/2005 13:35

Message withdrawn

compo · 18/04/2005 13:35

I think if you are really feeling down about all of this you need to sit down with the whole family and tell them how you would like things to be

Fimbo · 18/04/2005 13:35

Sorry have just read your last post, he's acting like Bruno from footballer's wives. Can't you stand up to him or is it nor possible?

Original poster
WeekendDisliker · 18/04/2005 13:36

He is not the type of guy you "stand up to". His opinion is that if i am so unhappy why dont I get out. EVERY night I wish I had somewhere to go - because believe me, I think i would have gone. He critisizes my job all the time (which I love and am doing well - 3 promotions in one year and getting another in a month or so). He throws his chocolate wrappers and stuff in my cupboard to throw away (he thinks that is very funny), and says my friends drink/party to much and are no good.

OP posts:
Dahlia · 18/04/2005 13:37

Would he listen if you sat him down and told him all this? You really need to sort this out, before you end up going mad.

flashingnose · 18/04/2005 13:37

Silly question but do you love him?

oatcake · 18/04/2005 13:38

call his bluff!

Fimbo · 18/04/2005 13:38

Could you afford a place of your own for you & dd?

cod · 18/04/2005 13:38

Message withdrawn

Dahlia · 18/04/2005 13:38

Sorry crossed posts there. He sounds vile, sorry to be so blunt. I think you need to think very long and hard about the rest of your life! Do you really want to spend it with him? Do you?

compo · 18/04/2005 13:39

why don't you go swimming/yoga/night class anything of an evening?

Original poster
WeekendDisliker · 18/04/2005 13:43

I love him very much. After the next promotion I should be able to afford a place for us, but I dont want to lose him - I want to do things WITH him, and not in the house I HATE being in the house when the sun shines. It's depressing. Oh Cod, you make it sound so simple - SURELY there are many other woman out there living this life? We live in the algarve and their are no parks - picnic places to take dd too, only the beach but it's too hot there for her... I really need advice on "extra murial" activities. The other two kids do a bit around the house, but it always needs to be done properly when they are "finished"... On the times that i did complain cause they did not clean properly - my dh told me I am always bitching

OP posts:
wild · 18/04/2005 13:46

well get the bike seat, and one sat am just say you are dd are coming too, slap some sunblock on dd and go
In your position I'd use the time between now and the time when you are financially free to go as a test period (without telling dh of course!)
If he responds positively, fine, if not you have nothing to lose by leaving!

Original poster
WeekendDisliker · 18/04/2005 13:48

Dahlia, I have often wondered if i love him enough to just carry on like this - and I still am not sure of the answer. This would be my perfect life : DD and I go live in another house, DH and I "date" he pops in at night before going to his house etc. Some weekends he gets her and I have time to myself. Bonus point: no MIL with her own key to come tell me how she could keep her house spotless, food always hot on the table while raising to toddlers! Aaargg - she is a thorn in my side too.

OP posts:
Original poster
WeekendDisliker · 18/04/2005 13:49

That sounds like good advice wild. Maybe thats what I should do. Maybe if I leave he will miss me and ask me to go back on my terms.

OP posts:
flashingnose · 18/04/2005 13:51

WeekendDisliker, please read your comments back and imagine it was your closest friend asking your advice. I think from where all of us are standing (or sitting), it really does sound like everyone else in your house is doing exactly what they want and you just have feed them and mop up after them. I'm sure your DH is utterly charming but he also sounds incredibly selfish and possessive - your life sounds like that of a songbird in a gilded cage .

WideWebWitch · 18/04/2005 13:52

I don't even think it's gilded tbh, I can't see any upside to this arrangement!

cod · 18/04/2005 13:52

Message withdrawn