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Mental health

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Original poster

Friend has been sectioned - what to do?

27 replies

MrsMattie · 01/03/2009 16:54

I found out from a friend today that a mutual friend of ours (Friend A) was sectioned at the weekend and is now in a secure mental health unit 'for her own safety'.

We do not know the full details, but apparently she went missing for 3 days and was found wandering along the hard shoulder near Heathrow and told police she was late for her plane (had no tickets booked; hadn't been back to the flat she shares with a friend or been to work in 3 days; nobody knew where she was.....

The friend that told me said that another friend had confided to her that Friend A had a kind of nervous breakdown last year and had been hospitalised for several weeks.

I am devastated that

a) I had no idea about the situation last year. I had no idea she had any mental health problems at all . We don't see a huge amount of each other - I am at home with 2 kids, she is single and leads a (seemingly) very glamourous, sociable life. Even so, I regard her as a close friend and I am upset that I had no inkling about any of this - that she didn't confide me and/or I didn't guess.

b) I lost my phone a fortnight ago. I have no idea if she tried to contact me during that time. I feel an awful guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I imagine her possibly being in need and calling me - and getting my answering machine

Also, now that I do know, what do I do? Apparently her parents and siblings are 'rallying round'. I don't know them at all, really, and don't know if it would appropriate to contact them/her?

Any advice on how I can best help my friend now and/or in the future would be great.

Thanks.

OP posts:

GentleOtter · 01/03/2009 17:03

You sound so worried and I did not want to see your question going unanswered.
Can you phone the unit that your friend is in and firstly ask how she is then ask the nurses in charge what you should do?

Threadworm · 01/03/2009 17:08

If she kept it secret it might be because of the huge stigma around mental illness. She might be very reassured and bouyed up by discovering that you now know about her difficultles and are wondering how she is and how to support her.

So I'd be tempted to ring her family (if you can) and ask if you could send a card, flowers, whatever. They'll know whether she would be happy about receiving word from you. It is lovely that you are so concerned for her.

Threadworm · 01/03/2009 17:16

(I went into mental hospital a couple of times a long time ago not sectioned though and I didn't tell anyone, not even family. Because of the stigma, and because it is difficult to talk when feeling low. So please don't feel excluded or unwanted because of not being told.)

MitchyInge · 01/03/2009 17:21

hope you can arrange to visit her, please don't feel guilty about your lost phone - she's in the right place and will hopefully be on the mend soon

you will definitely be able to send cards and letters, I've been admitted in v similar circumstances to your friend and I certainly found out who my friends were (and weren't)!

I've also always found it important to have friendships where my diagnosis (bipolar disorder) isn't out in the open so I can be myself, have up and down days without people worrying, maybe it is the same with your friend?

Original poster

MrsMattie · 01/03/2009 17:22

I know@Threadworm. I just hate to think of her feeling that she can't be open about this to me. I had crushing PND and know all too well how isolating an experience it can be. I just want her to know that I am here for her and thinking of her, and that it can be on her terms, whenever she feels ready - I just want her to know she isn't alone.

Do you think flowers & a card would be OK, then? This was my initial thought, but not trusting my instincts today

Thanks for all replies, btw xx

OP posts:

MitchyInge · 01/03/2009 17:24

flowers and a card will be lovely, wish you were my friend!

Original poster

MrsMattie · 01/03/2009 17:26

You're right, of course@Mitch - about it possibly being important for her to confide in a few people but also to have friends that don't know, so that it isn't always an issue. I just hate to think of her suffering in silence.

She emailed me a few weeks ago sounding so upbeat and happy, and I feel so sad that she may have actually been feeling like shit and not been able to tell me

Sorry - not trying to turn this into a self indulgent rant. I am just shocked, I suppose. She is such a strong, wonderful person and I feel sad for her that she is going through hard times.

OP posts:

wotulookinat · 01/03/2009 17:27

Pop in and see her if you can. DH has been in secure units for his own safety, when we were still just friends, and he appreciated me going to see him.
Flowers would be nice. It'll remind her that you care.

MitchyInge · 01/03/2009 17:31

I wonder if she is elated/manic? Unfortunately feeling excessively upbeat and happy can be a sign of becoming unwell. On the plus side you don't realise at the time that you are in extreme mental distress, but it can be very painful coming back down to earth.

Mammina · 01/03/2009 17:32

I think flowers and cards are a nice idea, then she knows you're thinking of her, but leave it up to her whether she wants visitors. I would write a note in the card telling her to let you know if it's ok for you to visit (although she may not be in the right state of mind to reply, so maybe get in touch with her family).

wannaBe · 01/03/2009 17:43

does she have a partner? If so I would call and speak to him, and ask how she is/whether she is up for receiving visitors/if there is anything you can do for them.

While sending a card and/or flowers is a lovely idea, if she doesn't know you know, then she may feel that she is the subject of gossip if you just send a card out of the blue iyswim, and she may have not told you how she was feeling for a reason, i.e. that she didn't want to feel she was out of control/that she was afraid of the stigma attached to mental illness.

I have a friend who has been sectioned on several occasions, most recently about six months ago. I have always found out from her dh, and have always offered whatever help I can, but she has always been so low when in hospital that she has never been up to having any kind of visitors and would have felt even worse if people had sent cards etc. So i have offered practical help to her dh who has been coping with a job and a child and having to visit her in hospital, and although he hasn't taken me up on it, he knows where we are, and I therefore feel that i am there for both of them in that way iyswim.

Please don't take it personally, people who are mentally ill are usually not thinking rationally.

Original poster

MrsMattie · 01/03/2009 18:24

I have a strong suspicion, as I begin to fit the pieces of the puzzle together, that she is suffering with some sort of bipolar illness@Mitchy

Thanks for your advice, too@migola and wannaBe.

wannaBe - I'm going to digest what you've said before I do anything. She doesn't have a partner, but she is very close to her brother, and I'm wondering if maybe I should make contact with him as a first port of call...

OP posts:

wotulookinat · 01/03/2009 18:29

Contacting her brother is a good idea. He'll probably be able to give you a good idea of what went on leading up to her going into residential.

HappyCrappy · 01/03/2009 18:47

Just my opinion; it is probably not helpful to speculate about what ails this poor woman. She is ill and that is all that matters. If she was in hospital with an unknown physical illness that she didn't want to discuss then she would be left to her privacy. She has a mental health issue that she doesn't want to discuss. She may have been sectioned but this does not mean that she doesn't know what she wants.
MrsMattie, you are her friend. Maybe you could write a letter, telling her how much you care about her and letting her know that you would love to see her, as and when she is ready. Re the phone issue, it is probably a good idea to let her know the best number to call you on if she might want to talk. Having your friends' favourite flowers delivered with a nice message is always good.

Mammina · 01/03/2009 18:49

I suppose everyone's different. My friend was sectioned (also bipolar) and she wanted me to go and see her as much as possible, and whilst she didn't want anyone knowing she appreciated cards from close friends. Good idea to talk to her brother first - maybe you could ask him to ask your friend if he wants him to tell you?

MitchyInge · 01/03/2009 18:50

it certainly sounds like something acute/episodic from what you say, as though she makes a full recovery between episodes and nobody would ever know - that's true of me too, although there are probably latent symptoms bubbling away if you know what to look for

I can't recommend MDF (bipolar organisation) highly enough: link

Mammina · 01/03/2009 18:52

sorry, I meant ask if she wants him to tell you

MitchyInge · 01/03/2009 18:55

I think the speculation arose (I started it I think!) because mrsmattie was worried that her friend had been depressed and unhappy but putting a brave face on it, however if her friend was going high then that's a very different scenario isn't it?

HappyCrappy · 01/03/2009 19:05

Mitchy - I am not criticising in any way - it is natural to speculate, especially when one is worried about friends/family. I was just summarising, really, and trying to draw a parallel between mental and physical health - the brain is just another body part, after all. I just hate the stigma that surrounds the "mental illness" tag, IYKWIM.

ladylush · 01/03/2009 19:05

Flowers and a card would be appreciated I'm sure. You sound like a lovely friend. I used to work on a secure ward and very few of them received visits from friends. Maybe you could tell your friend you'd like to visit if she feels up to it. The ward will have a payphone that you can ring her on, but if you want to gauge her reaction first you could ask the nurses to run it by her.

ladylush · 01/03/2009 19:06

Very few of them - meant to say very few of the patients.

foxinsocks · 01/03/2009 19:07

yes as well as her brother I'd call the ward and just find out about visiting because it may be that you can't for a little bit anyway (in which case a card or a 'thinking of you' note may be appreciated)

ThePellyandMe · 01/03/2009 19:12

I think flowers and a card letting her know she can contact you and offering support would be nice.

That would be a thoughtful gesture without being too intrusive and then you are kind of leaving it up to her when and if she contacts you, which is probably the right approach as she has just been admitted and you don't know much about how she's doing right now.

MitchyInge · 02/03/2009 20:51

just wondered if you'd heard anything about your friend?

Original poster

MrsMattie · 02/03/2009 21:52

No news yet . I am trying to get her brother's number from a mutual friend.

Thanks for remambering . Will post an update as soon as I hear anything.

OP posts:

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