I have just watched that extraordinary birth programme and I feel like an utter failure

[CrushWithEyeliner]

How can 3 women from completely different circumstances give birth so beautifully and easily with such dignity with no pain relief and I be such a complete mess? What was wrong with me?
Why did I scream like a banshee and swear? Why did I chicken out on arrival to hospital and ask for an epidural? Why did I hemorridge why did I tear? Was it something I did because of panic and the fear. I am sure it was my fault for not being brave and confident enough after watching these amazing women.

I am sobbing here. Why? I am still so traumatised from my birth 2 years on. What do I do? Can anyone help me as I don't think I have thought about this until now and I am really upset.

hey hon, sending you a big hug. I was in shock after my first birth for about a year and had no idea that there was any help available: I wish I had done. if it is any consolation I was just as pants at the second and third - lots of panicking, shouting and sulking at the midwives and biting my dh..... No-one in their right minds could have filmed or edited it.

lulumama do you not? I had a yoga teacher who had a big diagram on the board a la Star Wars:

Ignorance breeds fear, fear breeds pain, pain leads to the dark si... oh wait, there wasn't that last bit.

Fortunately that was my second pregnancy and I sniggered behind my hand a bit, but sadly many of the women there took it as gospel. I wonder how many felt they'd "failed" if they ended up taking painkillers during birth

wow
thank you all so much - been busy with DD. I will write a proper response to all your kind and supportive posts in an hour or so I just wanted to say you have all made me feel so much better and think carefully about what was really shown on camera. I still feel in such a mess about my birth experience and felt so alone amid the friends who had had pleasant dare I say even empowering experiences. I feel cheated. I must explore it all further soon...

xxxxx

luckily, i don;t, rubberduck. alhough i don;t doubt there are many. but also there are many excellent birthy teachers and educators!

i think it is good to have an ideal, but there has to be a healthy dose of realism in thre, and to ensure that women are prepared for the reality. if they aren;t then that is wrong .

Nothing was wrong with you! I personally think all this 'birth as an experience in itself' stuff is nonsense. It's a means to an end, and it is nice if it isn't too awful for the mother, but it isn't about a 'natural birth' or a 'successful birth' or (sigh) 'enjoyable birth'...it's about a healthy woman and child at the end of it all.

Yes there are, thankfully, and I had a lovely and very supportive set of community midwives second time round to balance that.

It's not a sport, Its just about getting the baby out safely. It's a very small part of motherhood, just the beginning. Who gives a shit if you howled or grinned like a maniac? Either way you and your baby are fine, that's what counts.

It's not a sport, Its just about getting the baby out safely. It's a very small part of motherhood, just the beginning. Who gives a shit if you howled or grinned like a maniac? Either way you and your baby are fine, that's what counts.

Crush, don't compare yourself to those people, like everyone says it's TV and you have to ask yourself how typical is anyone who gives birth on their own and shows it on television?

My first labour was horrible and the best thing about it (apart from the baby, that is ) was the lovely, lovely epidural at 4 cm dilated. My second labour was fast and furious and I was really serene and composed, mainly because I thought I was going to have an epidural any minute and when I delivered the baby I was under the impression I was just trying to do a large poo.

Yes, natural methods of managing pain really do help - in the right circumstances - and yes, yes, it's great if you can go into the pain and work with it. And it's also lovely if you can get your baby latched on properly and have plenty of milk, or get a good structured yet flexible routine going without reducing your baby to screaming hysteria,or lovingly cook up tasty organic treats with your baby in the sling and your toddler helpfully stirring the mixture. Some of these things happen to some people some of the time. Well how nice for them but our babies haven't read the books or seen the TV programmes...

You're not weak, you're not a coward, you're not lacking in any way, you've probably got strengths those women don't have - the first being that you had the common sense not to try to give birth without any medical personnel present or even nearby...hugs to you and here's hoping you find peace in your heart about this soon.

Wow! you gave birth and did it even though it hurt you incredibly! You didn't just stop half way through and say 'enough is enough' - you said 'I have to do this, my child needs me, what is the best way for ME to manage' You're a mother! You are raising a child! You are amazing and don't let anyone tell you differently!

Please don't feel like this. I hae had three births. The first was long and drawn out with an epidural and augmentation and a poorly baby afterwards. The second was a dream, no pain-relief and got to hospital 10 mins before baby born, felt wonderful afterwards. The last one was a nightmare. Very quick and extremely painful, lots of shouting and screaming. Each birth is so different and although there are things women can do to make it a better experience the baby always holds the joker in the pack.