Struggling with motherhood- it is not for me

[DaringMember]

I don’t really know how to say this without sounding awful, but I need to get it out somewhere and vent.

I am NOT coping with being a mum. I don’t enjoy it. I regret how completely my life has changed, and I hate how trapped I feel in it.

My baby’s birth was really traumatic, and I don’t feel like I’ve recovered from that mentally or physically. Since then, I’ve been stuck in this constant state of stress and overthinking. Suffered falling out with multiple extended family members (never happened before) and low mood.

I also can’t stop worrying that something might be medically wrong with my baby (like a connective tissue issue or something similar). I know I might be spiralling, but my brain just keeps going there and I can’t switch it off.

On top of that, I’ve been dealing with constant anxiety about my own health and body too, and everything together just feels like too much. I feel like I’ve lost myself completely in this new life. A life I will never find enjoyment in again.

I feel mostly stress, guilt, and regret, and I hate admitting that because I feel like I’m supposed to be grateful and happy like in the movie. I hate baby activities too, and being bothered while exercising when baby is upset in creche.

I’m not really sure what I’m looking for—maybe just to know I’m not completely alone in feeling like this, or that it can get better, because right now I don’t see it. I doubt it though.
Ps yes I know I have PPD which should be temporary, but hating motherhood feels permanent.

Bless you, I never felt like a natural mother either but I promise you it does get more rewarding as they get older and more interactive. How old is your baby now?

Have you spoken to your health visitor about how you're feeling?

Baby is 7 months
She is interactive but its not worth it for me
I have but they always dismiss as normal
My sister in law had her baby two weeks ago and already is "obsessed"

I'm sorry to hear this. I went through very similar situation, and was a LP without any support so I know how hard it is!

please see your GP and get some support. They will be able to signpost you to appropriate help, diagnose PND if appropriate etc.

One of the best pieces of advice I had was "keep going until it feels normal" which I know is difficult, but it helped me get through each day. As it's the new normal now, and accepting it will help a lot. It will get easier in time.

It's hard to accept that this is your life as it's such a shock to the ego and you as a person have completely changed. But you will grow into it.

You might also need some post birth trauma support, I think you can get this from your hospital. Please self refer.

Also seek out support. I hope your partner is helping you. If not, then have a little think about what's next and how you can get more support from them.

And remember your hormones are haywire after birth. I think it takes a year or more to settle, and if you're breastfeeding as well that adds into the mix.

Hang in there!