Would my therapist be able to accept homemade Christmas biscuits?

[christmasluces]

I've been seeing a therapist privately for a couple of years and she's a BACP member. I love baking and made a friend some cakes yesterday. It got me thinking... if I made my therapist a small bag of Christmas biscuits or cookies, would she be able to accept them? As a child I gave my teachers at primary school presents each Christmas (thanks to my mum!) but the only Christmas gift I actually remember giving them is the time my mum helped me make peppermint creams for my teacher.
It's in a similar vein that I'm wondering about baking my counsellor something small, just to say that I appreciate all her support and to wish her a happy Christmas.

Yes I would and have and would eat them too and be very touched 🙂

She's a private individual, (albeit running a business) not bound by the rules of the NHS or care regulator when it comes to what gifts or food she accepts from clients.

So if she doesn't want to accept them she can just politely decline or lie that she likes them and throw/give it away?

I'd accept them gladly if I were her!

😂😂😂😂

we gonna derail thread here

Or LTB becuase he sneezed loud

I am a therapist, and honestly gifts are really not needed. I would accept it, be grateful for the gesture, but it is not something that would feel comfortable for me, for all sorts of reasons.
My advice is to tell your therapist that this came up for you, and explore with her what it means for you. I am sure she would appreciate that even more.

Ah….i thought you would feel comfortable just saying no

Blimey we have just done a Christmas concert where some of the choir members baked cakes. People were allowed to help themselves and to the drinks on offer in return for a donation to charity. We had 140 people there and there was barely any cake left at the end of the evening. We also had shop bought cakes and mince.pies to top up thr home.baked offering and they were much less popular with quite a bit left over.

In my experience, it is actually more normal to be happy to eat cakes baked by strangers than not.. Village fairs and fetes often sell home baked cakes and they sell very well despite the bakers usually being a stranger to the purchaser

I can't believe MN is representative of the average person at all

you'll never get a clear or definitive answer on whether this is ok or not, as it all depends on you, your therapist, the work you’ve done together and their perception of you. Also depends on their workplace!

my favourite gifts have been pieces of feedback or seeing my clients growth - cheesy maybe, but true.

I would accept a small gift if the client insisted, we have policies at my workplace though that forbid a certain amount of money. Homemade gifts I would accept, may or may not eat them, but would be curious depending on the persons past history and what gift giving/gift rejection may mean for them!

She probably can’t accept them - I know that sounds OTT but it’s a boundaries thing. I’m sure she’d want to but she isn’t really allowed to.

Was going to say this, I’m not a therapist but I’ve had therapy for childhood stuff and am a semi reformed people pleaser .

Do you get everyone a present op? Are they always home made. What’s your motivation? And why are you having to ask strangers first advice. You also do a lot of (over) explaining.

And these sorts of replies are one of the reasons why I no longer go to therapy . Don't get me wrong, over the years I have had very usefu therapy, but it can be exhausting having to escavate meaning and motivation behing evey impulse ,thought or action. Sometimes you just have the impulse to give a gift and the gracious thing for the receiver is to say thanks and move on

But as you see op, it can be a minefield .

If it were me in your shoes, I would give the gift. If the therapist is uncomfortable they will tell you and you wont do it again. It is hardly a consequence with massive repercussions if you get it wrong and as others have said may lead to a fruitful conversation around your feelings and motivations etc( which I assume you are interested in as you are in therapy)

@bumblingbovine49 And these sorts of replies are one of the reasons why I no longer go to therapy . Don't get me wrong, over the years I have had very usefu therapy, but it can be exhausting having to escavate meaning and motivation behing evey impulse ,thought or action. Sometimes you just have the impulse to give a gift and the gracious thing for the receiver is to say thanks and move on

^^Halleijuah!

I honestly could not over-engineer my life to the degree I was spending money analysing giving someone baked goods at Christmas to the n'th degree.

i am very comfortable holding boundaries, but would not choose to hurt someone’s feelings.

Transference!!!

No one is saying you should

if you’re in therapy thats what helps you become more self aware to what’s going on - lots of stuff is unconscious

noone is forcing anyone!

I am one therapist, and there are plenty of others who would give a different response.

it’s completely ok if you don’t want to engage in these types of discussions, and of course you are right that sometimes it is as simple as a gesture of gratitude. More often it’s not, and there is something to be gained by exploring it, even if we choose to do it anyway. I’d argue that accepting an unwanted gift graciously and then putting it in the bin is inauthentic, and the opposite of what therapy hopes to achieve.

My experience though is that there is alway something to be curious about. I won’t share my curiosity about your reply.

edited to add: I have read hundreds of posts about people feeling obliged to do things at Christmas, and this is another version of it, with added curiosity about where the obligation comes from.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

It’s not your job to protect your clients feelings, exploring why someone felt hurt that I didn’t accept their gift is golden too - accept a gift or don’t, but don’t accept it to avoid doing the work.

Along with being outraged that some people aren’t keen on consuming food made by people that they have no idea what they put in the cakes or their approach to kitchen and personal hygiene. So choose not to gobble up 🤷‍♀️

Yes!!!

that is a big one for “typical MN”

And you are one such person that is outraged if someone doesn’t wish to eat something homemade

No not at all

So you think if you choose not to eat home baked goods, you’re not normal

So sad people reject the home made

ok “so sad” and those that don’t choose to eat home baked are not normal

You have made a lot of assumptions there. You are right, it is golden, and for me not always appropriate. It doesn’t mean I don’t do the work though.
It’s only happened to me once, and it was a rich seam of work when we explored it.

I do think it's a bit neurotic, yes, to be honest.