Is anyone happy as an adult?

[summerbeaches]

I’m 43 years old. All I’ve wanted in life is to be happy, yet all I’ve felt in my adult life is sadness. I don’t remember when I last felt happy. To clarify, I’m not suicidal or have any intent to harm myself.

I left an abusive marriage, horrible divorce and changed careers. Keep failing in my new career, have 4 very close friends , go on holidays and have hobbies. Own house car etc. paying off debt from divorce costs. No children.

Finding it so hard to meet someone. Last relationship he ghosted me after a year. Now finally thought I had met someone but I think he’s fading me out/ghosting.

My younger siblings are in happy relationships, children, debt free and good careers. I’m very close to them.My dad died 2 years ago and went through that alone. Mum constantly puts me down and tells me how Ionely she is and how I’m a useless child. I spend all my birthdays alone and nobody ever celebrates them.

From the outside, it looks like I have a great life. But I’m so lonely and cannot remember if I have ever felt happiness as an adult.

I’ve been on antidepressants and had counselling a few times.

is adult life just about feeling sad or anxious about things most the time, or are people actually happy with their lives?

Agree with PP. Happiness seems to be an innate thing and a set point for some people. Think of all the people you know and you will recognise the sunshine people.
I have three DC and one was born a grump so I have to work hard to support them. I’m sorry your mum just tried to bring you down with her instead. Don’t let her.
A bit simplistic but I’m saying don’t beat yourself up about being a more dour person. Find peace with it.
It’s hard to be a human but no harder than it’s ever been. The human condition resulted in us all inventing religions to give us purpose and meaning - so losing that means we do have to work harder to appreciate our lives.

Don’t forget the basics. A walk in nature is worth all the self help books.

I've had depression and physical health issues for most of my life. The suggestions to volunteer, find hobbies, focus on personal goals etc are good, but I also agree that people can be born less happy. I've had a lot of therapy and it was successful for coming to terms with stuff, but I'm still a melancholic person and I accept that now. It feels easier to accept what I can't change.

Joyful sometime
Happy spells of
contented mostly
so yes it is possible

you seem to be framing yourself around how other people respond to you - rather natural - but it means you need to find other people. Not necessarily romantic - don’t frame your life about finding the one . And finding ways to respect yourself

volunteering, getting out and helping somewhere else sounds trite but can be very effective to lift the spirits

"If it's not one thing it's your mother".

What sort of life do you want? Could you arrange a birthday thing with your four close friends with enough notice to overcome distance/commitments/finance issues? Did/do you want children?

Well done for getting out of the abusive marriage OP. Whatever else may be going on, you did that and your life will always be the better for it. Fuck these awful men, both the ex-husband and the ghosters. You don't want these people anywhere near you.

As for being happy, I think there's a real problem of everyone thinking they should be happy all the time and if they're not happy they're either doing something wrong or being done to by the world. Happiness is not the natural state IMO. I think there are parallels with the way we view mental health - either you're completely fine and HAPPY - or you have mental health problems. Whereas in reality a lot of it is just being human and reacting to what's going on in our lives. It doesn't mean we are defective in some way. Sounds to me like you're completely normal. I'm absolutely not saying clinical depression doesn't exist, but it can be a completely natural and understandable response to awful things in life.

I hope that even if it's not where you imagined you'd be at this age, you are heading into a more peaceful, contented and fulfilled part of your life, no more abuse from anyone whether it's a parent or partner, and that you find a career path that works for you. And please make a point of celebrating your birthday with your friends if at all possible, it will bring you joy.

Thank you for this - I really needed to read this - think it’s ok to be average in happiness (neither extreme ) and peace / contentment come with age I believe . I’ve always only ever had a small circle of people and now think that’s OK .
Think social media causes a longing to be happy all the time with #living best life
#lifegoals etc etc