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Mental health

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Original poster

Struggling with anxiety about daughter moving out

28 replies

Lokikitty · 11/09/2025 09:57

Hi, I having posted on mumsnet for around a year. I've struggled with my mental health since my teens. My anxiety has been triggered the last few months. My 23 year old daughter is desperate to get her own place. Although I understand that this is a natural next step for her, I am struggling with my mental health. I had tension headaches all day yesterday and felt nauseous constantly. I only slept for 3 hours last night. I'm feeling fatigued and emotional today. Just wanted some advice, especially if you are or were in a similar situation. Thanks in advance x

OP posts:

Original poster

Lokikitty · 20/09/2025 21:09

ILoveWhales · 11/09/2025 11:36

Please don't do this. At the very least, don't let your daughter know.

I had this from my mother. She used to get panic attacks when I was going back to university.And she said she did not know how she had managed with losing me again. Yes she said it in those words.

I felt pressured to come home every weekend and look after her just because she was lonely. I didn't move out until I was a very old adult and it was purely because of her I could afford it. I neglected relationships and my own social and personal life. Because of her and her carry on.

If you want me to be really brutal, I will be - since her death, I feel a renewed sense of freedom, there is literally no one holding me back. It has been amazing. Is that the view you want your daughter to have of you.

I am sorry you are feeling so unwell, though, and I hope you are able to find the support you need.

Edited

Heya! OP's daughter here. Using my mum's account because I don't have one. Y'know, telling someone who's actively asking for support "don't do this" is pretty silly. It's not like my mum can turn off her anxiety and phobia like a switch. What she can do is look for support like she did here. "Don't tell your daughter" is objectively bad advice, as honest communication is essential for any relationship. Life has gotten so much easier for us both now that we talk to each other about our anxieties. Allow me to reassure you that I'm not neglecting my own life, as I've started to prioritise myself and make choices with only my own needs in mind. I'm sorry you had things so rough with your own mother, but projecting your trauma and resentment onto strangers while offering no constructive or actionable advice is less than useless. It does not benefit me. It does not benefit my mother. There is a difference between bitter medicine and just being bitter. No one wanted you to be really brutal, but you went ahead anyway without caring about what impact your words could have. Vent your anger to a therapist, not a vulnerable person online. And if you plan on sharing your thoughts with anyone in future ask yourself first: is this useful information? Is this constructive and actionable? Am I projecting my own life onto a stranger I know nothing about? Am I being brutal to someone who is asking for help?

OP posts:

Pollqueen · 20/09/2025 23:21

Well that turned weird 😕

BarBiWon · 20/09/2025 23:36

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