Possible borderlinepdisorder in boyfriend - not sure how to proceed

[Chocolatefreak]

I've been seeing someone for seven months. 75% of the time he's amazing - thoughtful, loving, kind. But the remaining 25% is bewildering. A small incident - always that I'm somehow not empathetic/caring enough - will trigger him. When I try to explain, the situation escalates until he is in total meltdown. He's never violent, but threatens me with non-monogamy and/or breaks up with me each time. In seven months he's dumped me five times. Each time he apologises and we make up. He is convinced his ex-wife had bpd and he had to 'look after' her. I just checked the symptoms and alarmingly, this seems to describe him. Could he be projecting? I don't want to suggest this to him- he has described bpd as almost incurable. He is going to see a therapist, but is there anything I can or should do to help?

This relationship is so toxic and unstable. And he takes absolutely no responsibility for his actions. Apologies just aren't enough! He says awful things and puts you on a constant emotional rollercoaster and has absolutely no ability to control that behaviour in himself, nor does he make any effort to try control himself.
He will not change.
He is not emotionally mature or stable enough to give you a secure relationship.
Honestly, you're wasting your time and putting yourself in the position to be hurt a lot more the longer you stay with him.
This behaviour is not normal! Don't let it become normal to you by accepting it. All it will do is cause serious emotional harm to you in the long run.

To be honest I think any relationship should be ended if the good/bad split is under 90/10. And when I say “bad” there, I mean mostly annoying stuff like an inability to leave the kitchen clean or being grumpy because work is tough or being a bit defensive.

When the “bad” Is stuff like meltdowns and breakups you wouldn’t keep the relationship unless it was once in a multi-year period, Several times in seven months is ridiculous and you’re just asking for hurt at this point.

My BPD man was a delight and an absolute horror.

I'm fresh out of 7 years on the BPD man rollercoaster. I spent 6 1/2 of them clinging on to the man he was before the mask dropped. In that time, I was dumped, lied to, frozen out, blamed for him self harming and cheated on countless times.

In the last 12 months, I was called all the names under the sun and threatened on a fortnightly basis.

My sense of self and self esteem was ground so far down, I didn't even need him to be nice to me any more. I just wanted him to not be horrible to me.

I'm currently dumped and I plan on staying that way, because I'm so numb to it now that I feel absolutely nothing. It's refreshing.

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) was specifically designed for BPD sufferers so this is his best shot at improving his behaviour. People with BPD have black and white views and sometimes you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. My sister has BPD and it's a living hell tbh. She physically attacked me 2 weeks ago in front of my kids, and it's not the first time. She's 41 for crying out loud!!