Constantly on the edge of panic

[PanicEdge]

I've had GAD for many years but I manage it quite well I think usually.

However this year I have been through a lot of tramatic situations that I think would test anyone. Things like a family member being arrested for a very serious crime.

Now I feel constantly on the edge of a panic attack, the slightest stressful thing and I feel like I can't cope immediately. I am catastrophising.

I still think that regular people would find these things stressful but probably deal and move on quicker. It doesn't help that I'm probably peri.

There's no point seeing the GP, they only ever suggest CBT which I've done.

Is this just my life now?

Are you taking any medications?

No I'm not. I'm reluctant to use them as I'd have to declare it to my employer which opens a whole new can of worms.

No, it's not your life now. Your mind has got 'stuck' in overdrive as a result of the situations you've faced and it's firing up the fight or flight response unnecessarily as a result. Bear in mind that you HAVE coped with everything that's happened; it's really important to remember that - you have coped. Box breathing is an excellence way of calming the sympathetic nervous system.

I'm thankful to hear that. At the moment I can't believe it but I hold hope that one day I will feel it. I'm just so exhausted and sad and struggling.

I've definitely found a shift this year. I used to still feel happy and laugh and have joy. Now it all feels fake and when I chat to friends I really have nothing to say. I don't want to talk about my problems and I have nothing nice to share.

Can you afford proper therapy?

Maybe, I'm not sure where to start looking though.

I googled 'therapists, my area' and found someone I liked the look of a mile from my house.

I did 4 months with her and have now changed to a counsellor as I prefer a more transactional conversation.

It has helped me get my head around some things and find solutions to problems that I have been grappling with for many years.

Look on UKCP for regulated psychotherapists. They have a search function and you can see who is near you. I'd advise finding 2 or 3 to contact and see if you can have an initial conversation. You need to see about practical things like what they charge and if they have a slot to offer when you are free. Many are offering online therapy via zoom /teams etc now too if that would suit you better. Then I'd see who you feel you click with the best and start with them. A significant part of therapy is having a good relationship with the therapist.

In my view, CBT works a bit like paracetamol - it can control the symptoms but other therapies are better at getting to the root cause.

Why would you have to declare medication to your employer?

You have options and you need to explore them. Why would you declare medication to your employer?

Thank you that's helpful, I'll have a google.

Any change in health needs to be declared to check I'm still suitable to work. Whilst nothing is 'on record' I can keep it private but anything that would go on my GP records will need to be informed.

I was like you (first really noticed it when Brexit was happening) but sertraline really knocked me out (very high dosage) so I managed to wean myself off but became too fearful to go back to the Dr. I thought I had a grip on it but, like you had 4 big life events in quick succession last year and then nearly died earlier this year. The illness that followed increased anxiety (medically) and I was unable to leave the house because of the spiraling panic attacks and had a panic attack so bad I called an ambulance. I am on propranolol which at the time they told me was to treat the hypertension, but apparently is more common in panic disorders - as a beta blockers though they can be used for a variety of things. My heart rate and the physical feelings were pushing me over the edge into panic attacks which has now reduced to the point I can go out solo dog walking. I still struggle with town and can't go alone but honestly it has improved things about 80%. I know the anxiety is still there while I wait for MH help on NHS but I don't have the huge burden of collapsing in public and worry I'll have a panic attack in the car for example. Maybe see if you can try propranolol with work?

It's worse at night, I had about 3x 1 hours last night, so I'm exhausted on top of everything else. I know this is anxiety and cortisol related though.

To be so unwell that you needed an ambulance sounds horrible, I'm so sorry.

I've spent most of the day in tears, so so exhausted and feeling sick.

You sound depressed ...I really have nothing to say. I don't want to talk about my problems and I have nothing nice to share.

I'd suggest having a chat with your GP anyway.

Really? This isn't just my anxiety making it all seem worse than it is?

I thought depression was a chemical imbalance, therefore meds are needed. Whereas these are actual events happening that I'm just not coping with.

The chemical imbalance theory was debunked decades ago! Because you have been living in the fight or flight anxiety cycle your ability to relax and stop worrying is diminished; your mind is too worried to allow you that time off.

What would help you to cope, do you think?

Probably some stuff that isn't possible! Some good outcomes of some of these bad situations. I have no control over them though.

Someone to listen and tell.me I'm not crazy! I honestly feel like I'm cracking up. No one knows apart from DH so I have a fake personality at the moment with friends and with work.

You're really kind, thank you for answering.

You're welcome :) I work with these kind of issues so happy to help.

When I’m not feeling well I seek to minimise things.

So for me, that means simple meals on rotation, eg beans on toast because it’s Tuesday, pasta because it’s Friday.

Simple clothing options, eg seven tops, always take from the left, clean ones get put back on the right, jeans, 2 jumpers. Like the 333 project but even less. Wear something because it’s the next one on the hook.

No tv apart from whatever bland programme you like. I go for the railway one with Michael Portillo. Bland, repetitive, comforting, but still something interesting.

It just slows my brain down a bit and I feel like it gives me some mental relief from thinking.

And LOTS of Solitaire on my phone. I think Tetris is supposed to be good too? I guess any game like that.

Thank you I will try that.

I think will try and get a doctor appointment on Friday.

Any tips on how to speak without crying? And for saying thanks bit no thanks to CBT?

Is it also OK to specify a female GP?

Of course it is ok to ask for a female GP.

How to speak without crying = don’t know, but write down what you want to say, in bullet points. Neat writing. Then you can give it a go, or hand it to the GP.

On my first counselling session I was not able to talk because I cried for the entire 30 minute slot. It’s…..normal. They’re used to it. The next time I was able to talk. But as it’s the GP I’d go with notes!

This happened to me a few years ago when life was very stressful. I’m also diagnosed with GAD and everything got too much, I started having panic attacks.

I did start taking AD’s and had some counseling. I started to feel calmer after about three weeks. Honestly, I would consider medication and you can genuinely tell your employer that it’s due to stressful life events.
Good luck. 💐