A man in a mental health group gave me an unwanted gift

[Aquacrab]

I don't know if I'm overreacting here?

A man in a mental health group gave me an unwanted gift and now I feel uncomfortable about going back to the group.

I had started going to a group where we do craft activities recently and went there for about 6 weeks (one day a week). I enjoyed working away on my own craft project.

We barely spoke but gradually a man sitting at my table talked more and more to me. He seemed quiet and nervous.

We were making general conversation and at one point I made it clear to him that I don't date men. On a different day, he told me his ex girlfriend reported him to the police for assaulting her and told me she was lying about it. I do not know her so do not know her side of the story.

About two weeks later, he was about to leave the building. He always left about half an hour before the actual activity group was meant to end. He told me he wanted to give me something and that if I didn't take it he was just going to throw it in the bin. It was an item of jewellery (worth approximately £15). I was taken aback and felt awkward so asked him if he was sure he wants to just give it away? He was adamant, so I said ok, accepted it, said thank you very much and told him that was very kind of him. He then left the building.

Initially, I went home thinking that was kind of him. When I inspected the item more closely at home, it turned out a small part of it was actually broken. In order to even wear it, I'd have to get it repaired. I feel silly for having accepted it from him in the first place. Like, as soon as he presented an item of jewellery I should have rejected it even though he said he was going to throw it in the bin. Honestly though, I'm wondering if his actions were manipulative. Because I felt put in a position.

I thought more about it several weeks later and started to feel uncomfortable. Wondering how it ended up broken like that.. especially given that he's told me his ex accused him of assaulting her? Wondering if it used to belong to her etc.

I haven't been back to the group as I've been unwell. But I would have liked to go back to continue craft activities. But, it would mean I have to see him again and sit near him (there's literally no way to just move to another seat and the room is quite small).

Am I overreacting in feeling uncomfortable to be near him again?

Definitely tell the facilitator though.

Please do tell the facilitator why you are changing groups though. It maybe that this isn't the first time something like this has happened, may be linked to the reason he attends the group in the first place. By all means find a women's only group but be clear with the organisers of the old one as presumably the service is used by lots of vulnerable people.

Hope you’re feeling better about it all op. I would listen to your gut. I have volunteered in settings with vulnerable people including MH issues. Men bothering women has unfortunately been a bit of a feature in some mixed sex groups. It’s good you have a gut instinct.

What @Singleandproud has written is a great idea.

Take care.

Over sharing? He might be desperate to make a connection. Very odd thing to tell you tho'.

You don't owe that man anything- things, time or information about yourself.

I'm sorry you couldn't just enjoy your time at the group unbothered.

(Edited for spelling)

Given that you hardly know him and he has been accused of domestic abuse, this is a JDLR (just doesn't look right) situation. You're right to be uncomfortable.

A classmate of mine once gave me an opal ring he had found. In that case, he just had no use for it, so I accepted it. It didn't feel creepy. If, however, I knew he'd been accused of domestic abuse, I would have felt differently about it and not accepted. In hindsight I do think he might have had a crush on me, but he knew I had a boyfriend so he never did anything about it. This guy may have a crush on you, but it is odd for him to be giving you gifts, considering he knows you don't even date men. Odd behaviour is not a good sign.

I don't think you should return the gift though. If he is volatile and abusive, that may anger him and lead to more trouble. I think you're best to just distance yourself from him as much as you can.

Talk to the group leader or facilitator.

This is typical behaviour of poorly behaved men who seem to believe women go out to activities/ the gym/ swimming/ jogging in order to provide romantic interest for them.

Throw out the jewelery.

This behaviour needs to be addressed by the facilitator.

Precisely.