To believe I’ve f@cked my life up and there’s no way back?

[Theroadnottravelled]

On the surface right now, I look like I have everything. Nice husband, 2 preschool kids, corporate job (full time), nice house. But underneath I’ve sabotaged it all. My job is well paid but stressful and I wasn’t coping (burn out) so I handed my notice in with nothing to go to. Nursery fees and mortgage are crippling. DH doesn’t earn much (self employed) so majority of the household admin and financial burden falls to me. I’m on anti depressants and think about taking my own life daily. I don’t know how to get back on track. I’m a failure professionally as unemployed and as a mother/provider. Other people have 2 kids, commute, have hobbies, happy lives so why can’t I? I’ve worked so hard in life, played by the rules (uni, job, marriage, kids) but can see it all slipping away.

I voted that YABU but only because you sound very depressed and it’s distorting your thinking. Don’t assume other people are coping better. The stage of life you are at is very demanding. I would see your GP. It also sounds as if you’re badly in need of a rest. Take whatever help you can with practical things. Nursery fees won’t last forever. How long since you gave in your notice? Would you like to go back to the same job or find something either part time or less demanding and reduce the children’s time in nursery?

Have you spoken to your husband? If he’s self employed and doesn’t earn much then it sounds like he needs to get a PAYE job, at least while the children are young and you have childcare bills.

Could you rescind your notice and work part time or compressed hours instead so you have some time to yourself?

Definitely speak to your GP and your EAP if your work has one.

You can not take the pressure with such an intense job any longer. I totally hear you op, you resigned in that way because you are doing your best to live and survive. This was not a mistake but a life saving decision.

Sit down calmly with dh and go through the finances. Can he take a second job? A third job? Or do you to move? You can’t carry on as before so adjustments will have to be made so you can have a tolerable life.

Please programme in this number and call it if you feel even remotely suicidal again :

116123

Some big changes are needed. But you can do this op. Sending hugs 💐

Urgent appointment with GP and tell your closest friends and family so they can offer support.

Just a thought but It might be worth checking the antidepressants you are taking are the right ones for you. It is not unheard of to have very dark thoughts when taking them and it can be an indication they might not be the right ones for you, there could be others that suit you better and lessen those feelings x

I have just been through this with my husband. Please please phone the Dr and tell the receptionist you need an urgent medical intervention. I did this for my husband and he had a wonderful Dr on the phone to him within 30 minutes. It was horrendous listening to him sob down the phone and explain all of his feelings but it was the start of his recovery.

Like previous posters have said you are at burn out, and you have to hit rock bottom in order to start healing. Please be kind to yourself, speak to the Dr this morning and then explain to your husband how you feel. Then speak to your employer and rescind your notice and take the sick leave as your Dr will advise.

Try not to look at all of the different aspects of your life in one hit, break things down into little tasks and think about one thing at a time, it may prevent you from becoming overwhelmed.

Also, don't focus on the things you haven't managed that day, focus on what you have, this could be as simple as got out of bed and brushed your teeth...

Please be kind to yourself and do not compare your lifer with any others, as previously posters have said it is the thief of joy!

Sending you a big hug

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're going to move thread over to our Mental Health topic now.

Same position here except slightly older kids.
About to leave sue to burnout without another job.

Talk to your GP, get antidepressants and talking therapy or whatever you need.

Reframe this as a break you need and deserve. Then when you're ready you will find another role. I'm considering doing some bits and pieces of consultancy for a while to keep it manageable rather than back into extreme stress. Would that be a possibility? Even if it's just a bit, it means you don't have a CV gap.

I feel for you! I am currently off work due to burn out and have had several breakdowns over the years resulting in me leaving jobs because I couldn't cope with everything I expected myself to be able to do. The main thing I have learned is though, do not compare yourself to other people! Those other women working full time, commuting, bringing up children and coping are firstly, maybe not suffering with mental health issues and secondly, might not be coping as well as they appear to be.

As others have said, you need to be totally honest with everyone in your support network and then you have to concentrate on finding the balance between what you can achieve and what (you think) you should achieve.

You're a human being finding a life transition really difficult, not someone who's f*** up their life.

It feels awful and I'm right there with you, I posted similar on another thread last week. It feel hopeless I know but it isn't. You will get through and look back and probably think resigning was the best thing you did. Did you feel a massive relief when you handed in your notice?

How are you feeling OP? I am feeling the same way currently.