Antidepressants have no impact on me, it feels like nothing can help

[LowLimbina]

I’m really suffering from depression and anxiety. If I speak to my GP she says try antidepressants but they just have no impact on me.

Over the last 6 years I’ve tried Citalopram (40mg/day). I took it 6 months, felt it wasn’t helping so just stopped taking it and actually felt a bit better. Didn’t taper at all, just decided to stop. Also before that Fluroxitine and then Sertraline 100mg. Again I took both about 6 months (not at same time) then just stopped I’ve never had withdrawal effects or anything that even indicated the medication was having any impact.

I suffer massively from anxiety and was given propranolol and Diazepam for really bad days. Due to a mix up the pharmacy delivered 84 tablets of Diazepam instead of 28 so I took it 2 x 14 consecutive days but it just seemed to have no effect on me so I just stopped. Same with propranolol.

I just don’t know how to make myself better. I hold down a senior level professional career job and seem smiley, well put together and confident on the outside but as soon as I finish work I go to bed. I spend all weekend in bed with the curtains shut. I tried running for mental health as everyone said it would help but it didn’t. I even ran a marathon feeling miserable and anxious every step of it. I gave up running after that as it felt so pointless.

I’ve tried therapy, CBT, doing “self care” but it doesn’t help.

I just don’t know what else I can do. I feel people can take medication that helps them but it has no impact at all. I took four antihistamine earlier to see if it would make me even a bit drowsy, along with two diazepam and it literally had no effect at all despite saying may cause drowsiness. I just want this feeling of anxiety to stop.

Then again no matter how bad a headache things like paracetamol or codine also seem to have no impact. It’s always been like I’m immune to medication.

I used to self harm but I’ve not done that for several years, and I’m not suicidal, just very unhappy.

OP have you seen a psychiatrist or are you just relying on your GP? I have treatment resistant depression and imo it really is beyond the abilities of a GP.
In my 20s I was treated with all kinds of medication including the older ADs (MAOIs and tricyclics), mood stabilisers (eg lithium), you name it. The only thing that worked was fluoxetine, and after 18 months it just stopped working.
ECT was recommended but for a variety of reasons I didn't want to try that unless I was out of options.
I had a lot of therapy and seemed to recover in my 30s but it's back now. Menopause I guess.
I don't have any wisdom to offer but I'm sorry for what you're going through, it's awful. The ubiquity of ADs and HRT makes people think you can just get treated and go on with your life and it's not like that for everyone

I spoke to my GP last week who said HRT wouldn’t be appropriate for me as I have no signs of menopause. I did query this given my age but I have no hot flushes or any other symptoms associated with it. You could set a calendar by my cycles.

They offered more propanol and suggested a higher dose but I don’t feel that really helps. They seem at a loss to refer me anywhere else and I can’t really afford private treatment so I’m at a loss really. Having a very bad spell today, just spent in bed.

Would you consider giving up the high-powered job? That’s what I did after my third very serious breakdown (which nearly killed me). I went from high level professional to forest school teacher. Poorer but so much happier and my mental health is finally stable. Antidepressants are only sticking plasters. They can’t stop the symptoms unless you change the causes. I might be making it sound as if it was easy - and to a certain extent it was. As soon as I’d made the decision I was noticeably better. I have learned to trust my body to tell me how far I can go and that protects my mental health. It was terrifying, yes, stepping away from two degrees and a twenty year career, explaining to people that I just couldn’t do it any more. But I was surprised at the number of people who wished they could do the same. Life is short and precious. If you can, do what you need to make yourself well. ❤️ and 💐 because it’s a tough place to be.

Oh - and this might be completely irrelevant to you - but the other factor in my decision was that I was diagnosed as autistic in my 40s. It really gave me the reason I needed to stop trying and burning myself out. If I’d been diagnosed younger, I’d have been able to carry on with appropriate adaptations, but by the time it was picked up I was too burned out.

I am wondering if it’s a more physical cause. Going to bed and the way you describe things screams thyroid / autoimmune issues to me. Or perhaps a combination of that and depression. Have you had a full blood screening for things like anaemia, hypothyroidism, cortisol (re adrenal insufficiency- needs to be an early morning 8-9am blood test) etc? All of those things can make you feel the way you describe and would explain why perhaps the meds aren’t working for you. Your GP should definitely be offering you HRT as well if you want to try it and by not offering it they’re not following the NICE guidelines which state anyone over 45 who wants to should be offered HRT regardless of symptoms. Besides anything else, anxiety and depression ARE symptoms of menopause and at your age, despite regular cycles, you’re almost most definitely peri - oestrogen levels start dropping from 40 onwards in most women.

I was switched from 60 mg of citalopram a day to 20 mg of escitalopram and it worked really well for me. I've been on it for over 12 years. See if they can suggest something else?

I also had more than 10 years of weekly psychotherapy with a specialist for my particular issue.

It’s frustrating as I’m the same with regular cycles etc but in Australia, it’s enough to have anxiety and be over 40 to warrant HRT and same if you go to the Newson clinic. As our hormones will just be fluctuating like crazy by this age…

Edit: oh and also here too according to a pp

Maybe investigate TMS therapy