So worried about student son

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DS 18 has just returned home for Easter, he is 18 and living in halls. The uni is a 6 hour drive away.

I was shocked when I saw him. He looks absolutely terrible and just seems a shell of himself.
He mentioned he was having problems sleeping which I took to read as partying too hard but it seems much more serious than that.
He says he can't sleep AT ALL at night and is therefore dozing off during the day or completely useless during the day. It is affecting his MH and says he has no motivation to do anything or help himself.
Since he's been home I can hear him prowling around in the middle of the night and because I'm out all day I can't monitor him what he's doing. I can't really engineer getting him into a better sleep routine and even I could it would only be temporary.

He says he also hates the course he is on and wants to change although I suspect that is because he is unable to keep up with the work because he is so tired.

He freely admits he is drinking too much, partly to self medicated and partly due to social anxiety. He's not eating properly either, the whole flat lives on rubbish and I suspect he spends the allowance we give him on going out. He's always been really slim but I can see he's lost a lot of weight.
He doesn't have a huge amount of friends at uni or at home and has always been reluctant to talk about how he is feeling.

I have insisted he sees our GP asap but he said he just wants medication rather than any kind of broader support. He seems to think anti depressants will fix it all.

I am terrified that he is spiralling and that if he doesn't get help the worst could happen. Being such a long way away doesn't help.

Is there anything else I can do to help him?

There is a good chance he could have been withdrawn from his course if he's not been attending. Uni will not share that with parents, as your child is over 18 and they've entered into their contract as an adult. Same way his bank won't tell you if he's in serious debt. Some unis do a information sharing opt in, so students choose whether they want their parents informed of their circumstances, but very few offer this (think Bristol do?).

A challenging point to consider if he has been withdrawn is rent. If he's relying on loan to pay a final installment it could be tricky. If his uni has withdrawn him they'll have notified sfe and he won't receive another loan payment.

It's really challenging, if he's never told the university there is anything wrong then they can't put anything in place to help. Students with depression can often struggle with attendance or replying to emails.

If he has been withdrawn then perhaps a year out to focus on recovery will be helpful. If he wants to try uni again then some students find it helpful to try and institutions in their home town or within a short distance.

Hope both you and him are OK, it's a lot to deal with.

As someone else has said, a gentle approach with him would be best at this point.

I got up at 3am for a wee and he was awake.
He said he has not been withdrawn from the course; no choice but to believe him and time will soon enough if the loan doesn't appear.

Also adamant it's not drug related.

I tactfully him what has been posted here; that his wellbeing is the most important thing and anything else can be worked out.
He said he wants to stay at that university but 100% wants to change course and potentially take a break until September.
I think for right now that is a good call;'depending how things turn out he might think more over the summer and decide to change to a nearer uni/ not go at all. Hopefully when his head is clearer he'll be able to see the right path to take.

Not decided yet though and he could still go back after Easter.

Well done OP. Now he's said he wants to change course and maybe take a break until September, he can think about it without worrying how he's going to tell you.

And when you said how difficult he is to be around at home - some people with depression are - it comes out as angry, rude, snappy etc.

Maybe if he doesn't go back after Easter, he could fine some work which will get him out of bed in the mornings and thereby into bed in the evenings!

It is a plus that he has volunteered the idea of deferring till September and then changing course. But he needs to be at home during that time - if he is away in a house share he will be at a loose end while others are out at uni, and that is not a good scenario.

My heart goes out to you with this awful worry hanging over your heads.

This is not true, millions of people worldwide taking antidepressants report way above a placebo effect. They can be a lifesaver.

It seems he has been more proactive than I assumed; he has already spoken to the new course leader and has the necessary application forms to switch in September.

I want him to go into any change of course with his eyes wide open though. I did kind of hope he could go straight into year 2 as the 2 degrees don't seem massively different (to me anyway!) but he says not. Nevertheless I want to try and help him fully understand what the new course entails especially if he is struggling with his MH.

If he does decide to take a break untit Sep we will insist he finds some sort of work.
Routine and a source of income will help him no end!

I'm not sure. Does he need a complete rest?

He did very little last summer and saved next to nothing for uni. Any money he did have all
Went on his social life despite DH and I trying to help him look to the future.
I suspect the reality of having no money has fed into his current state of mind.

DH and I are in no position to give him any more than we already are and whilst I agree he does need a rest, longer term work will be the best thing for him even if part time.

I work at a uni and as part of my job oversee student transfers between programmes. If your son had been withdrawn / failed the first year, there is likely to have been some issues with him swapping to a new course. Doesn't mean it couldn't or wouldn't happen but it would potentially be a more in depth process. It is standard to start the new course as if you are a new first year student because even if the courses are similar they won't have the same content / assessments. Sometimes a change of course can be hugely beneficial to students and just what they need. Sometimes, students change course thinking that's the issue but actually it's uni life / health / other stuff that are the key issues.

I think the transition to Uni is very hard, and lots of students struggle with different aspects of it. I also think Uni 'halls' life is just sbizarre when you think about it - it's not a living situation we ever replicate as adults really (for good reason) and unless you've been to boarding school (which is where the uni models historically come from...) it won't be something you've experienced as a child.

The positives here is that he's talking to you and he knows that he wants something to change AND he's gone to the GP.

So, continue to be supportive and open minded about what he does next. It will take a while to break the insomnia and sleeping habits he has and there isn't a short cut to this.