OCD is taking over my life.

[LibbyL92]

Cut a long story short I was diagnosed and had CBT for OCD 3 years ago. It worked well.

however, I’ve always had obsessive thoughts and paranoia that I was going to lose my job.

fast forward the last few months and definitely more apparent right now I am besides myself with worry that I’m going to be laid off from my job.

I work in a school where it’s a known thing that budgets are really tight. And our school have started making cut backs (not staff related yet)

I’m a big role in the school and often jump into different roles to support. I’m extremely flexible and I know I’m appreciated by SLT.

but I’ve worked myself up into state that I will be laid off. And it’s a ticking time bomb. My whole weekend had been spent thinking over and over again about being laid off. And trying to reason with myself that I’m being silly.

I’ve spent the morning crying, googling and replaying situations and conversations in my head.

I adore my job and I’ve been here for 9 years. The thought of not working there anymore makes me really sad. I often feel like ive got imposter’s syndrome and I’m not worthy.

its completely debilitating and it’s making me ill. I don’t know why I feel like this. (Obviously the OCD)

reached out to doctors back in September who said I would receive a phone call for counselling in December. I’m still waiting for a phone call.

I recently had 2 panic attacks a couple of weeks ago for the first time. And I know this is spiralling.

I don’t know what I’m asking for by posting this. Can anyone relate? Any tips?

and if the worst case scenario happens will I be ok?

i’m unsure if I should speak to my manager or not. They are aware I’ve had mental health in the past and have been supportive.

Thank you, I’m going to make the phone call to the GP tomorrow and work up the courage to take them

@LibbyL92 Good Luck and don't feel bad about taking them! People think stuff about anti depressants and I even question is my happiness fake happiness then and being masked but I have read that the tablets actually just bring your back to your normal self and into balance. Take them, don't give up, take stronger ones if you eventually need to and get the counselling

Hello OP. I don’t have much advice but so much of what you and others have written on this thread resonates with me I wanted to say: you’re not alone!
The perpetual worry, rumination, is exhausting. You feel like your brain is a prison you can’t escape from. I had a really bad spell of this during the long lockdown of the pandemic and have thankfully recovered to a certain extent.(For me sleep deprivation was a major factor, as was being deprived of normal interaction.) But when I sought help one therapist was very clear- she said it was either Sertraline or exercise. At the time I didn’t even consider the latter and would have gone to my GP by now if it had continued to get the medication. Having said that, I’ve recently started doing a little bit of very gentle running and honestly the effect it has on my mind is amazing. It goes quiet. I would recommend both.

Thank you! I’ll report back once I’ve spoken to the gp.

much appreciated!

Thank you, I do have a swimming membership (not used since October!)
but it’s something I really want to get back into.

i’ve also tried to change my diet this week and be a bit more healthier. Sugar always makes me feel awful.

as with the medication, it’s definitely something I’m strongly considering moving forward.

thank you x

Ocd is a cruel mental illness.
OP, you talk about your ocd questioning everything, writing in the card etc. people with ocd tend to want 100 percent certainty and they analyse everything and then the false memories come in - what if I actually did something and I don't remember etc etc.

You can get better.
My teenager is on 100mg Sertraline and had 6 months ERP. He's now just having a monthly ERP. It's not completely gone and it never will be but he's significantly better.