been signed off for 3 weeks with stress, getting worse now, what to do? is it better to go back??

[MissChief]

can't be bothered to name-change.
overwhelmed with stuff, trying to deal with problems with ds & work stress, dh and I have been getting on appallingly for the last few months,wondering whether I should leave. On-off depression/stress/insomnia/whatever for about 18 months. Now don't know what the hell to do. Have been trying to self-medicate with fish/sjw/exercise but finally saw GP who took pity on me and said I was too exhausted to go to wokr and she signed me off. I haven't propertly rested thogh, got toddler racketing around and dh working from home like bear wiht sore head as well as all usal housework, on top of 2 or 3 hours sleep most nights, been like this for months,. I can't cope much longer and don't know what the way out/ahead is.
I feel it's a bit of a cop out to have more time off and am worried about how it will look for future job applicatiobs if i have more sick leave.

and my therapist charged me £90 to tell me that i shouldn't apologise so much..

people don;t know how to react
i was in hospital with depression and some people did freak out a bit, like they would catch being mad from me !

if you didn;t click with the therapist, find a new one

also there are various types of therapy, i found CBT very helpful

also, ltos of reading, dorothy rowe excellent in this area

Depression is incredibly common, there really shouldn't be a stigma.

When I applied for jobs I put on the form that I had depression. Not once have I had to see occupational health about it or have anyone ask further.

If you do take ads you should start to feel the benefit after 2-3 weeks, but you'd need to take them for much longer to really get the benefit.

What happens to your toddler while you are at work normally?

And it was such hell that I really didn't care what people thought, I just wanted to be well and my old self again.

thing is my old self is a grumpy old bag, I suspect. what then?!

grumpy old bag is different to depressed, low and ill old bag though ?

Hope you can work this out misschief, stress and related depression is incredibly common. my DH suffered a couple of 'episodes' a few years ago. once in one job and then again in another. both were because he overstretched himself trying to please too many people at the same time.

Good thing is you've recognised it, now you need to work out plan to deal with it and get to the root of it. Whether it's trying ADs for a bit or having someone watch your DS so you can rest.

ADs didn't work for DH but acupuncture helped a lot. He'd built up a lot of cortisol in his system which was manifesting in his feet making it difficult for him to walk. Stress has a strange way of affecting you physically if you don't find a way to release/reduce it.

And please don't worry about how much time off is too much. 3 weeks off is nothing, my father got his GP to sign him off for 10 months during his divorce. His work eventually asked him in for a check up and declared him fit to work, by which time he'd got over most of his issues. If you have payment protection on your mortgage, this can help you out so you're not worrying about money.

true, guess it would be an improvement. i work p/t normally, toddler goes to nursery. still going but bit less while i'm around.

Ah well, that was what was wondering - I'd take him to nursery as normal and go to bed and sleep if you want - or possibly even better, put on a pair of running shoes and pound the pavements. The latter can be a huge stress buster!

thanks all. I think maybe i just don't think i take it seriously enough myslef. not like i don't know, diabetes or MS so i think i can either ignore it or self-medicate my way to a solution

I really feel for you. I used to suffer badly from insomnia when I worked. Now I have the opposite end of the problem though as I do not work I get very little support from my husband at home as he thinks I have it "easy" here. Can I ask you why you think you should be a superwoman and do it all? You will just end up exhausting yourself (killing yourself from stress). Let the man work for a while, take some time off and smell the roses!

thanks, salla. Sorry you don't get enough support, that's tough when you've got it all to do at home, partly what I dread if I stop work, to be honest! Def not superwoman , never even tried, just feel i should be able to do part-time work and look after kids like so many other women manage to without falling apart!

hi Misschief
i had to reply to you post as i have been in the same position as you a few times with anxiety and depression. i am 30 now, but when i was younger at uni i actually stayed in a psychiatric hospital for 5 weeks. just had a baby and it all came back although i am dealing with it better this time.
i have had quite a few jobs, professional jobs and have resigned from 2 jobs because of stress etc. it hasnt affected me getting other jobs though, i have a few times taken contracts and temp work between jobs.
it is better to have a proper break. admit to everyone you have depression, even those at work, family and friends. thats the firss step to things changing for the better. you need more support, loving care and a break to unravel things and get things in perspective again

thanks, nm. Glaf you've been able to come out the other side. I just daren't let go in some ways, dread someone else picking up my work tasks and being found out what a muddle everything is in. fear loss of status and loss of self-esteem as a result. dh is heartily fed up with me now, says what about him, what about his worries? (has v stressful job and i've been like this on and off for yrs). couple of close freinds are GREAT but locally (still new here) those I've told have been rather lukewarm/disbelieving when i've admitted to being stressed - just becomes a competition over who has the most to cope with if you know what i mean? in other words, I ahve no worse a situation than them, so what's the problem?

re-read yr message,nm and just realised you have just had a baby, congratulations! Hope you've got lots of support as it's a vulnerable time if you overdo it.

Hi again
what would you "ideal" be? do you think you need a different direction? i am sure your family is more important to you than your work, although that means a lot to you too. I am sure things arent in that much of a muddle with work? are you just getting wrapped up in the detail? are you able to take a step back at all? i understand the competative aspect with your girlfriends, but really i know you care but them, but what about you? it is so common and you are a stronger person for taking a step back and dealing with it. you need some friends who are less stressed, who will listen, understand and make you feel heard, not to compare their situation. are you able to go to a toddler group while you are off, they certainly put things in perspective, they do for me anyway. just enjoy being a full-time mum for a few weeks?

trying to work out my ideal. toddler groups round here not always relaxing - full of quite a few alpha mums who having given up their careers seem to compete thro thier children. Bar humbug..F/t SAHMdom not for me, I feel. Am rubbish at the smalltalk and need another outlet.