Emetophobia

[cocoapple]

Has anybody successfully gotten over this phobia or at least found a way that has lessened it? I’ve had enough of it. It’s taking over my life and have even considered not wanting to be here anymore just because of the constant anxiety it causes. I have had cbt but it didn’t help and I am on sertraline which helped initially but I feel its no longer effective for me

Can you remember when (and why) this started? Finding the root cause - the incident(s) which led you to forming the belief that vomiting is embarrassing or frightening - is the key to dealing with it.

No one likes being sick but it's necessary sometimes as a vital strategy to preventing illness/getting rid of toxins. Can you agree that that's true?

@Eyesopenwideawake I can remember when it started, I’ve felt like this since being a child but I don’t know why. And I completely agree that even though it’s not pleasant, it’s just the bodies way of getting rid of nasty things. I really can’t put my finger on what it is about it that I find so scary

OK. The first thing to understand is that a child doesn't have the capacity to rationalise or be objective about the things that they witness, experience, learn or absorb. To a child things are simply good or bad, exciting or scary, to be repeated or to be avoided.

Although a child can't apply logic, they will develop strong feelings/emotions in certain situations which are internalised and become part of their personalities - the 'truths' which they believe about themselves throughout their lives.

So, in your case, something happened which in some way has a connection with vomiting (not necessarily actually being sick, maybe being punished or embarrassed or maybe an association with someone who was sick and then died) and which caused a reaction so deep that you that your mind set up a belief that vomiting had to be avoided at all costs; that if it did happen something awful would happen.

Does this make sense to you?

hi @cocoapple I also have emetophobia and its just horrible. I can't say I've cured it but I have noticed that over the years it comes and goes in severity, depending on how anxious I am. I also have OCD tendencies and I've had other obsessions / themes in my life. So in one way I'm aware that it's a problem with the way my mind works

I can totally agree with what @Eyesopenwideawake is saying - I know sometimes vomiting is necessary, and also that it's not the end of the world if it happens. I KNOW these things rationally, but for some reason it doesn't stop the absolute dread, fear, anxiety, repetitive worrying and deep aversion to the possibility that it could happen.

I also seem to have a very emotional reaction to it - I have a young child and I will worry all day in case they are sick, and then what if we all get sick.. it can bring me to tears (ridiculous I know!) and I feel so sad that it could just come on suddenly and ruin our day / night. Again, rationally I know this sounds bonkers. But that's just how I feel. I'm scared to tell myself not to worry about it because I feel like that's when I'll be caught out unprepared for it.

There was a thread a while ago, something like 'how do people without emetophobia deal with vomit' and I found it fascinating! People saying they just 'never think about it unless it's actually happening'. It gave me hope but also I couldn't understand how I could ever think like them... sometimes I re-read it to try and bring out those rational thoughts!

Sending hugs!! It's a tough one.

I hear you OP, I don't remember a specific incident that frightened me, I just have a fear that if one of us is sick, we'll all get it, and I'll be feeling the lowest I can, but we'll all be puking and shitting all over the house and I'll have to somehow keep on top of it. It makes me hypervigilant for signs of sickness anywhere, if someone says they feel nayseous I start getting panicked and twitchy. With DD at school I'm always waiting for noro...it must be our turn soon!

Yep I've been like this since I threw up in the midwife's office at my 8 week appointment. It traumatised me.

I've worked with various therapists but nothing has shifted it properly. Thankfully I go through good and bad phases and I live a fairly normal life but the worry is always there in the background.

The problem is it takes alot of hard work to shift, and when you don't believe it's going to work, it's much harder to put the work in.

@Aramist - you had no issues before that one incident? Why do you feel that this was traumatic?

I think it's because it caught me by surprise, plus in public (sort of) so was very embarrassing!!
Been scared ever since.

I've had sick bugs before that but I don't remember being really scared.

Sounds like you got an almighty shock and you've developed a phobia. A couple of sessions of remedial hypnosis would sort that out, if it's causing a serious impact on your life.

@Eyesopenwideawake are you a hypnotherapist?

I've seen hypnotherapy recommended a few times on here for emetophobia and I ended up spending a lot of money with a hypnotherapist who has amazing reviews... but it didn't help much!

I can relate to everything you’ve all said. It has literally taken over my life. Everything revolves around it. Are my children going to be sick, is my partner, what if that person I just spoke to has a bug? Then there’s the hand washing and the checking of food. It’s really tiring. I’ve had a few stomach bugs in the past and every time it’s happened I’ve literally said to myself “that wasn’t that bad” the nausea and the build up knowing it’s going to happen is a million times worse than actually being sick. I’ve tried to teach myself this and remind myself but it’s just like my mind won’t let go of it

@Caneloalvarez - I'm a Control Practitioner so I use hypnotic techniques but without the need to put clients into a trance; the people I work with are awake and listening to what's being said throughout. It has the advantage of the conscious mind being able to give immediate feedback to what's happening in the mind and body rather than being hit and miss.

I have Emetophobia as well

Comes out worst when one of the kids feels I'll, I drive my family mad asking if they are ok, if they are going to be sick.

Also if there is a bug at work, I even have a special spray there just in case.

hi @cocoapple i feel the same, i KNOW it's irrational but my mind won't let go of it! Some days are better than others but if anyone's mentioned sickness or bugs it sends me into a spiral.

it's like our brains have just decided it's this incredibly dangerous / awful thing and we can't switch it off!

i tell myself these things when i'm in a bad patch, sometimes they help...

• there are people out there who really never think about this
• if we get unwell, we will survive it, there are much worse illnesses out there
• i picture the 3rd or 4th day after the bug has passed... the relief and the joy that it's over and how brave i will feel for coming through it
• focusing on wanting to show my dd that there is nothing to fear and that i set a good example to her (even if i am terrified inside)
• reminding myself that the fear / repetitive thoughts is caused about 90% by my odd thinking patterns, and only about 10% because being sick is gross and uncomfortable
• reminding myself that we'd maybe get three or four bad days in a whole year (and sometimes no days!) where things disrupted by sickness

when I say 'remind' myself.. i probably have to repeat these to myself several times a day. i'm not sure if this counts as 'reassurance' in an ocd way, or if it actually helps... sometimes i think it does help, so maybe it helps you too xxx

that's interesting @Eyesopenwideawake ...the therapy i had before was with eyes closed, i had to visualise a safe / nice place, and then it was about exploring childhood memories of being unwell... but i don't think it found a trigger/cause. i definitely felt relaxed and also had an emotional release from going into the relaxed state. but i cant say it helped much in terms of my fears. i felt towards the last sessions i was kind of reaching to find something to talk about :-/

@2strappinglads ah yes the questioning...i drive my husband mad with it, he just thinks i am nuts lol. i also use a lot of anti viral gel too. i wfh luckily but when my dd started school i was in a right state with the anxiety and all the contact with germs. ridiculous really ... but the brain does what it does!

it's like our brains have just decided it's this incredibly dangerous / awful thing and we can't switch it off!

That's exactly what's happening (except it's your mind, not your brain).

Babies - as far as I know - aren't scared of being sick. They do it regularly, copiously and often without any warning (a big part of the reason I am childfree!!).

So it's somewhere between early childhood and now that you've developed this phobia. Your mind is not trying to ruin your life by going into overdrive trying to keep you away from vomiting - on the contrary it's trying to protect you because it believes that vomiting is really, really bad.

What could have caused that? Maybe you were in a parent's (or grandparents) brand new car and told them you felt sick and got shouted at - "DON'T THROW UP!!" Maybe you overhear someone saying "Did you hear about so-and-so? They got sick and died." Maybe you got sick in school and all your classmates laughed at you.

Whatever the incident(s) somehow your mind came to utterly believe that being sick was the worst thing in the world and that belief is still there now. It is a protection strategy so don't berate yourself - your mind is always working in your best interests; it just doesn't realise that that strategy is, well, wrong, or if not wrong, outdated and misunderstood.

That's where I come in 😊

@Caneloalvarez I feel exactly same. We sound so similar. I remember sometime last year my partner said he felt sick so I spent the full night downstairs unable to sleep with my head out of the window deep breathing🫣 I think I drive him mad with it🤣 but I’ve found people who don’t suffer with it don’t understand. I always look forward to the school holidays because when my son is in school it’s just torture! But like you I don’t want it to affect my children so I never talk about it infront of them. I just try to take each day as it comes

@Eyesopenwideawake Your posts are great, they’re really helpful. I’ve never looked at it the way you’ve described but it really makes sense. It’s interesting that the mind is protecting us rather than trying to scare us

I have this too.

I did a course of CBT earlier this year and I did find it helpful. I think the thing that stuck with me the most was the fact that the only person who can make any of this better is me and I have to be able to make those changes.

The therapist did a lot of work with me around low self esteem and I realised that everything from this low self esteem workbook we had matched with my personality and so much of it fit in with the emetophobia.

The things I found the most useful were:

• Trying new things. For me this meant joining a gym and being able to feel good about the work I was doing. This allowed me to start to feel better about myself in general.
• Accepting that I will never find my family being sick easy. Everyone had ‘something’ that they find difficult and this is mine and that’s ok. What isn’t ok is worrying constantly that either me or my family will be sick.
• If someone offers me an opportunity to do something, take it. It might just be going round a friends house, or taking kids to the park, but every time you do something and the kids/you are not sick it helps your mind to believe that you won’t always be sick if you agree to go somewhere.
• Don’t call myself stupid or put myself down over this. It’s something to overcome, but it does need work.
• Not avoiding the word sick/vomit etc. I would use phrases like ‘not well’ or ‘upset tummy’ or pass over the words if they were written in one of my sons books.

I don’t think I’ll ever fully get over this phobia, but I will keep trying my best to minimise it over time. I find the build up to Christmas most difficult, but always feel a bit freer in the new year.

@OfDragonsDeep Those are good ideas. I’ll try and practice those myself. I think accepting that I’ll never fully get over this phobia would help and like you said, accept that this is a weakness of mine. I too also find it worse this time of year. The past 2 years my eldest has caught a bug. Last year it was in December and the year before it was October. The amount of anxiety I have this time of year is unbearable or so it feels. Without sounding dramatic, I do wonder if it’s a little bit of ptsd as when I think back to those times it makes me feel very anxious and worked up.

There was also a time when my partner was being sick in the middle of the night. I sprinted downstairs into the living room, hid under a blanket with my fingers in my ears shaking and my heart was racing. I know that sounds over the top but it really does get me like that. I remember my therapist saying if something like that happens again, try my best to stay in bed without running away. I guess that’s like a bit of exposure therapy too

@cocoapple Thanks for your kind words. You don't have to live with this - it is possible to change your mind (literally!) so that you no longer have this emotional overreaction to vomiting. Happy to send you a list of Control Practitioners, all of whom offer a free initial consultation.

I’m interested to know if people largely have issues around this that are related to sickness due to being unwell or all sickness no matter what the reason?

Until I was about 16 I was terrified of it, I had all the behaviours mentioned above, and would do absolutely anything I could to avoid seeing/hearing/smelling etc it. I remember hiding under my blankets with my fingers in my ears desperate not to hear family members if they were poorly.

However once I was in my late teens and started experiencing the joys of alcohol and friends being ill as a result of drinking too much it didn’t bother me at all because it wasn’t illness related if that makes sense?

Yes, my eldest caught a bug on the last day of term before Christmas last year. I had been counting down the days, thought we were finally there and then bam. It also makes me angry as in a ‘why me’ sense although I know that’s not rational.

I find the dark evenings difficult. Dealing with illness in the day time is so much easier for me than in the cold and dark.

I wouldn’t be able to stay in bed if my husband was up being sick. I can kind of accept this - it’s the other 364 days of the year that I want to try and make better. I don’t want to be worried because my son’s friend’s mum has been sick 2 days ago and I’m trying to work out what day the son would catch, then what day my son would catch it. That’s so exhausting. I also struggle to eat anything other than toast when my family are ill. that means I have little energy.

Another thing I realised is that I like to be in control or situations and am a bit of a perfectionist. I think I find this difficult because I will never be able to control it.

this is the self esteem Workbook that I used https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Self-Esteem

@Nandosplease
I only struggle with ‘bug’ type sickness. I don’t care if someone’s sick through drink or morning sickness etc. I don’t know if that’s the case with others though!

@Nandosplease In my early twenties or around that time, I went on a night out, drank too much and was sick. Funnily enough it didn’t bother me half as much as it does when I have been sick due to illness. I actually remember thinking “wow have I gotten over this phobia?” Then I was that hungover the day after I was sick again and was like “nope it’s definitely still there” I often wonder myself why it felt so different when I was drunk. Was it because I was drunk so I wasn’t really fully aware what was happening? Or do I have some underlying fear of illness in general that I don’t really know about? But saying that I don’t have fear over colds. It’s a weird one

@OfDragonsDeep Oh god I totally get the trying to work out who is likely to catch something and if so when. So draining and mentally exhausting. I also get angry but like you said it’s not rational thinking. I hate the dark evenings too, everything seems so much easier to deal with during the day. Especially this time of year I get so nervous getting into bed wondering if one of my children are going to be sick in the night. I’m the same with the food thing, will try my best not to eat anything if anyone is poorly because in my mind I’m thinking well if I do catch anything them there won’t be anything to throw up😖 and the fact that I’d just feel too anxious to have an appetite

I have the same OP. The annoying thing is, when I have been sick, it’s never as horrendous as I remember it to be and I always think that I’ll be over it now, but sure enough, the fear returns.
Id love to know how to cure it.