BPD - Any advice

[BPDandme]

Hi All,

I was recently told I have Borderline personality disorder. To be honest I had never even heard of it.

Does any one else have it? Any tips on how to manage myself?

I feel I 'accidently' helped myself for a while by going to AA as I was abusing alcohol. I don't drink now it is not a good idea for me. I got sick of AA too dragging up the same things week in week out with the same people. But I am eternally grateful for what I did get from there.

A lot of the things about BPD ring extremely true, especially for in my 20s. I am early 30s now. Am I passed the worst of it? I was going through a bad phase when I was told I have BPD. I don't even know exactly what it is still.

Does it mean there is something wrong with me?

Even when I had the BPD diagnosis, I was deemed not bad enough to even get on the waitlist for DBT. And that was with having been sectioned less than one year prior. So, while I agree DBT is the gold standard and would help OP no matter the label/diagnosis, I’m not sure she’d even be able to get on a waitlist for it with no diagnosis of anything. The one my NHS trust had was also 6months and inpatient. That’s the only DBT they had.

I work in finance so not sure I'd have to declare it. I recently got rejected for life insurance, based off of medical records so god only knows what is already in there! I certainly don't need anymore.

I thought PTSD was what happened from being like nearly murdered or in war.

I'll look up DBT. I know she can't diagnose but I am very very lucky with my GP. Only for her IDK if I'd be any way at all towards being better. She got me in with the physicatric nurse.

Everyone these days wants to be 'weird' but my, I try to be as normal as possible! I was called weird/ strange/ the missing link enough. Told things like 'you're intelligent but stupid' .

OP, if you can afford it, I'd recommend going private to do DBT.

I was referred on the NHS before being diagnosed (sort of) because I met some diagnostic criteria, but that was some years ago and I imagine it varies area to area and probably things are stretched everywhere now.

Ps can recommend an excellent private practice

@TheYear2000 I live in a pretty remote area but always open to recommendations. I probably could afford some private sessions

www.mind-reframed.com/

They do online as well as in person. I wasn't sure how online would be but it was great, very practical for fitting into life as no travel time and also no anxiety of being in a strange place.

I imagine you could book a consultation and talk things through with them or at least get more info.

I was diagnosed with it at 20. But at 24 I was told it was more likely ASD, though I didn't go through the proper assessment procedure as I was discharged after missing an appointment because I didn't get the letter about the appointment in time. Guessing they didn't believe me about that.

I think it's a very problematic diagnosis as it's mostly give to women and especially women who have been through trauma.

I think there may be a correlation due to ASD and BPD symptoms overlapping.

I have wondered if perhaps men are misdiagnosed with ASD when they have BPD at a similar rate that women are misdiagnosed with BPD when they have ASD.

Certain mental conditions are gendered. In ASD, the male presentation is the default and in BPD the female presentation is the default.

I know ASD and BPD are not the same conditions at all, so it’s not a case of BPD being an invention or just a name for a female with autism. It’s more that one is more easily mistaken for the other due to default presentations being gendered.

Hi @BPDandme ,
I saw your thread and had to reply. My ex (who is still my best friend) has BPD so I’d like to think that I know a lot about it at this stage because she shares quite openly with me. Please keep in mind that you will read many horrible and judgemental things about BPD suffers online. Every person is different so please don’t let stories and comments online upset you.

Feel free to PM me if you like.
Also have a look at the book called “I hate you, don’t leave me” which she said was eye opening gif her as it helped her to explain BPD to others.
The good news is that help is available, especially schema therapy.
I appreciate that this diagnosis might have come as a shock to you but maybe try to see it as an opportunity to finally get the right help :)

Thanks you very much. It must be difficult to be with some one with BPD. I know I have gone out of my way to try push DH away even though I don't actually want him to go!

I did join a group on FB but left fairly quickly. This is the wrong way to say it but they all seemed 'worse' than me. Completely chaotic, tbf they were mostly early 20s I have had years of learning.

It's funny that even without being diagnosed (and I still haven't officially been) I have learnt how to treat myself. How to try and manage myself without doing anything stupid, drinking, self harm, quitting my job and moving to another country the next day (I have done that! Funny my head came with me), what parts to hide from others so they don't think I am loopy. It hasn't always been a bad thing, I was praised at Uni for often having a very different perspective on things.

AA did help an enormous amount with getting my emotions under control, I suspect a lot of people there have something going on if they know it or not. They often say 'I can for my drinking but stayed for my thinking'.

@BPDandme It was difficult at times, but my ex is 100% not a bad person and just their own enemy.
From what I know these groups can have very negative impacts because people use them as echo chambers and to “compete” with each other. There will be a lot of decent people in them too though.

I have also wondered this about BPD, ASD and men/women. I've only met one man diagnosed with BPD, and both his children have ASD. So I have wondered if it is actually ASD in his case too but a more "female" presentation. Incidentally my ASD DS has what I would say is an atypical/more female ASD presentation too and it was overlooked for a long time.

Agree with previous posters about seeing your diagnosis of BPD as a starting point rather than a definitive diagnosis of what is "wrong" with you.
It's a bit of a made-up diagnosis that doesn't stand up to much scientific scrutiny but the fact that you've arrived at a point in your life where some-one has told you you have BPD is an indication things are not going well (to put it mildly)
I was diagnosed with BPD twenty years ago and on first reading up on the condition thought "yes, this is me, this all resonates" but I now find the idea of a "personality disorder" just wrong. I recommend Jessica Taylor's book "Sexy but Psycho" for a more in-depth discussion around how women end up with these diagnoses.
On a positive note, the standard treatment for BPD, which is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy has a lot to be said for it. I couldn't get access to a therapist who specialised in DBT but I worked through the programme on my own and it changed my life. You can still benefit from DBT without accepting you're personality is disordered.
I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD, a diagnosis I am almost as sceptical of. I now think a lot of my BPD symptoms arose from there being just zero understanding of ADHD in girls and how I was constantly told I needed to try harder and be better. It might be worth investigating an ADHD diagnosis, if that is feasible.
As previous posters have said - try to access DBT, get yourself referred to a consultant psychiatrist (and ask for a second opinion if what they say to you doesn't ring true) and try to see yourself as a normal person with a unique brain who has been through a lot and has coped as well as you could at any one time.
Hope this helps