Struggling, OCD, anxiety.

[Ilovedogs1]

Hi
Just as it says. I'm struggling again. OCD intrusive thoughts,doubts, anxiety.
Exhausted with being in this loop every 3 months or so.
Feeling very low. I don't know what to do

I'm sure you are working very hard and it's exhausting!

I would say it doesn't matter if you believe the thoughts are part of the OCD or if you worry they are real. Naturally you do worry they are real of course because that's what OCD does. That's totally expected right now.

But supposing you have an intrusive thought and think "I picture this thing in my head so maybe that means I did it and it's actually a memory that I'm seeing; or at least the fact that I pictured it might mean that's what I secretely want" etc! You will notice all the fear and panic and shame washing through you, for sure.

Just try at the same time, to make a little tiny space for analysing what the thinking processes would be an example of if they were OCD.

In my example, starts with the intrusive thought.

Then it proceeds to some thinking errors around that. Ones I could potentially spot here would be:
Thought action fusion
Thought event fusion
Emotional reasoning - I feel bad therefore it must mean something

Other ones to look out for in general:
Catastrophisation - if I did fancy this person a bit then that means my marriage is over etc.
Magical thinking - if I picture this image again before 430, it means my marriage is going to end in divorce
Exaggerated responsibility for others
Perfectionism

Finally you may proceed to some compulsions e.g.
Checking- maybe checking your diary to see what your were doing that day, scanning through memories
Reassuring yourself or seeking reassurance from others

Try to stick a label on all the processes, whether you believe they are really ocd or not.

You don't suddenly feel less anxious through doing this but, if you try to become a bit of an expert at pattern spotting and labelling these components, your brain is ultimately going to reprocess this stuff without you really knowing and one day you will realise that the image that popped into your mind, didn't really bother you as much as before.

Also, try and do nice things for yourself, even though you really don't feel like it just now.

@FloorWipes Amazing posts, I've found this helpful.

Hi. I managed to take the dogs out this morning with my DH. Still struggling with the intrusive thoughts. Has anyone else with OCD got to a point where they can see things a bit more rationally.

Thoughts are racing round and round. I know deep down they're my OCD but the doubt is absolutely unbearable. I'm crying and crying because I feel like this will never end. Has anyone else managed to go from feeling helpless to actually seeing the clarity and nonsense of it all.

Sorry you're having such a rough time OP.

Are you on any other medication besides the diazepam?

And yes, I have suddenly experienced clarity before.

@FloorWipes yes I'm on fluoxitine and low dose quetiapine.
It's like the thoughts/doubts play out in my mind like a little video/flashes.
Then I get all panicked like are they memory or just images. I know I'm not supposed to look into them but the anxiety gets so high I start to wonder why am I so anxious. Is it because they are real etc etc.
I'm trying to not engage with the thought as much as I can but it's really hard.
I just wanted to know if others at some point experienced some sort of rationality/clarity

I read something recently (a book about anxiety) that said you can’t think straight when you’re in a state of panic or anxiety. The thoughts won’t make sense. Instead of questioning whether the thoughts are true or “OCD or not”, could you try saying to yourself that you’ll think about them when you’re less panicked? Remind yourself that your thinking is impaired so it’s pointless trying to make sense of it.

Could you ask for an increase to your medication? Anti depressants are actually pretty effective with OCD type thoughts I think, so maybe an increase in dose might help until you can be seen?

Also, I really sympathise. It’s horrible feeling like that and it’s so hard when it feels like it will never end. Have you tried any books? There are a couple of good ones on OCD. Or a YouTube video? Sometimes these things can help trigger a small enough shift to feel a tiny bit better. Good luck OP, am thinking of you and hope you feel a bit more yourself soon.

Good to know about the medication. However it might be that you need to change your SSRI for an alternative but I guess that's under review with your CMHT.

Have you done a formal course of CBT or ERP before? How long have you had OCD? Have you experienced other mental health issues, or trauma?

There's lots of treatment to try, and you will definitely feel better at some point, hopefully quite soon. It seems like you know what's happening with the thoughts, which is really good (not everyone has insight, and not at all times). However the anxiety is still extremely high at the moment I know. Keep going OP.

@FloorWipes @naturemumma thank you for replying. I've had OCD since childhood. Didnt get an actual diagnosis till I was 18/19. I'm 44 now. I've had CBT in the past and I'm on the waiting list for more. I recognise these thoughts when they happen because they have a 'feel' to them but the anxiety takes over and it just runs away with itself

I’m not the worlds biggest CBT fan - it went through a phase of being applied to every problem even when it wasn’t best suited - but I think it definitely has a role to play in managing OCD and a refresher can be beneficial. You can probably get some of this from books in the meantime if you feel up to that.

OCD present since childhood often has this episodic course, waxing and waning at various points. You already mentioned that you’ve had some stress recently and I imagine you will have found that added stress can cause a flare up. Yet sometimes OCD can also seem to attack in the midst of good times, as though it doesn’t want you to enjoy them! Or simply at random. What a frustrating illness. I suppose one good thing is that actually relief can happen a bit randomly as well. You may have found that before and if you have perhaps you can find some comfort in that.

I know what you mean about the anxiety running away with itself. It’s awful. I guess I would reiterate that if you continue to pause to just recognise and label the thoughts as part of OCD (not that you won’t also doubt this at the same time, which you of course will) while it won’t relieve the anxiety in that moment, your brain is working in the background and at some point you’ll notice that anxiety won’t hit so hard in the first place because the story OCD is telling you just won’t seem quite as convincing anymore, because your brain will have secretly recalibrated things a bit back there.