Mum died and I’m overreacting.

[Totalcrash]

My mum died, she was old, with dementia so we knew it was coming. I can’t explain my reaction though, it’s like I’ve woken up, realised everything in my life was crashing and burning. Realised I’ve been depressed and struggling for years. Can’t cope, don’t know what to do. Can’t cope with house or teenagers or Dh any more. It’s not grief, it’s more being slammed in the face with a brick. Don’t want to feel like this, I want things to be on an even keel. I want not to feel overwhelmed by the enormity of everything from the house to the mess to endless struggle. Guess I need someone to say, it’ll be ok!

Oh I’m so sorry maybesomeday that just sounds beyond painful. I can’t help, but know that there is someone sending big hugs from a little corner of the Internet. Time will heal, that’s true, and there are some wonderful posts on here to reassure and help.
❤️❤️❤️

Sending healing to everyone who’s lost someone. Grief is exhausting and physically painful. I found that counselling was essential rather than just helpful- an hour a week to say everything you need to say helps to reduce those overwhelmed times in the rest of the week . Please see your GP and ask for help- antidepressants if needed and a referral for whatever counselling or support is available locally. Please keep in touch with the people around you, friends and family as best you can too. It will all be OK in the long run.

Thank you so much, just know you're not alone, and take one day at a time, and grieve in any way that helps. I keep seeing things or remembering things that I would store up privately to tell her on our weekly calls and feel the loss every time I realise there's no-one to tell them to who would understand. So now I write them down (when I have the energy, not very productive at present) or I tell them to the universe, if that makes any sense. Be kind to yourself, don't allow any negative voices in your head, and I'm sending a hug back again ❤🤗xxxxxx

A few months after my mum died, I felt like I too was losing the plot. I thought I was coping ok and then suddenly I just wasn't. I was constantly angry and in tears over stupid stuff, feeling like I was drifting out to Sea while my whole world exploded behind me on the shore. I didn't connect it to grief until I spoke to my GP who assured me that's what it was.

Can you talk to your GP? Just telling someone else you're not coping can be a massive relief. The GP might refer you to counselling or give you something to help you over the worst of it. I don't think you're over reacting at all.

Thank you! It’s so brilliant to be able to share stories and realise it’s normal and we are not going mad. I was afraid of my wierd behaviour for a while.
the gp recommended sertraline, which is a whole new story, but I think it may be beginning to help.
drifting out to see while your world explodes is a brilliant way of putting it.
and everywhere I look I see the result of that explosion - chaos and clutter and overwhelmed mess. I need someone to say, do this, then this. And of course, that was mum.
love to all.

Writing down those conversations is a good idea. Or type them here! I find typing thoughts to lovely supportive people like you all are is helping.

I feel for you.

Watching someone you love deteriorate is very hard because they haven't died so you cope but when they do finally die it's a terrible shock and all those coping mechanisms fall away and you don't know how to feel.
Go easy on yourself.
Look up the seven stages of grief, it might help you.

Thank you. Hugs to everyone, it’s crap.