Driving lessons anxiety

[Klodi]

Hi there . I was hoping someone has been on my situation and managed to overcome the fear of driving.

So I'm 35, very determined woman, speak 4 foreign language, ( English it's not my first one) ,have a master degree but I'm too scared to drive a car .
I did driving lessons 12 years ago and have a driving licence in another country but can't use it in uk - for the past 11 years I've been postponing taking driving lessons or driving , making different excuses, pregnancy, kids ,no time but the truth is I get too nervous when behind the wheel.

Recently I started having driving lessons , I started like a new driver , but every Friday I have the lessons I wake up too anxious and sometimes I hope the instructor would cancel that day .
I know the importance of being able to drive and it drives me crazy that I can't get over my fear . This is the only thing where I'm not feeling confident. Usually I'm very strong minded and I'm always keen to try new things - except for driving.

Please could someone tell me they were on the same position and they succeeded. And how they managed that . I've even considered taking antidepressants or sth like that .
My husband fully supports me but he cannot understand since he's a confident driver ( 10 lessons for him to pass )
Thank you

I am in your situation right now although I’m ten years older than you. I passed my test 25 years ago or so and was a confident driver for a few years, then stopped driving because of not having a car, and then also postponed getting back behind the wheel for ages. I took refresher lessons a few months ago and I also started like a new driver, having had ten lessons my instructor says I am OK to drive alone now but like you I am terrified behind the wheel. I also hoped the instructor would postpone every lesson!. I can only say that the only thing to do is keep driving, keep practicing and eventually you will be OK. That’s what I tell myself.
My instructor did recommend rescue remedy tablets / pastilles which you can get from Boots, I found they helped a little although it might be psychosomatic.
I am also using P plates, I don’t know if I should, since I’m not a new driver per se, but to all intents and purposes I am a new driver.

Although I see you are actually a learner in that you can’t use your license here, so I guess you are using L plates, sorry, ignore me!

Propranolol

Thank you. It does feel better though knowing that someone relates to your issue.
Technically I can use my old driving licence for a year in here and that'll give me time to get a valid driving licence here . But because I'm not comfortable I'm not even trying.

I'll give the pastilles a try .
Thank you.

This video about anxiety - what it is, why it's useful and how to work with it rather than against it - might help you;

Yes I used to feel like this before and during every driving lesson - so nervous that I could feel sweat dripping down the inside of my top!

It took me a couple of attempts to pass (not really my fault - instructor put me in for it too early), but I did pass 3rd time and have been driving now for 25 years. There are some situations that I still feel a little anxious in (for example turning right on a very busy road!) but I mostly enjoy driving now and it gives me a sense of freedom that I don't think I could live without.

If things are really bad it might be worth trying a different instructor? Good luck x

This was me a few months ago. Passed my test 12 years ago but haven't been driving for 10 years. We bought a car and I need to be able to ferry kids around. Did some refresher lessons and felt like a total beginner although it did come back quite quickly. The only thing to do was push through it and get practising. My husband would suggest constant opportunities for me to drive places with him in the car with me. Just short runs. I wouldn't sleep stressing about the fact that I was going to have to drive the next day.

Didn't take too long to get comfortable though. And 3 weeks ago I drove (10 mins) on my own for the first time ever. Am now driving kids to their swimming lessons etc every week on my own. Can still feel anxious but doing it a few times a week on familiar routes is really getting confidence up.

The thing I kept thinking is that, like you, I'm a smart woman. There are some real idiots in the world and they all drive. If they can, I can!

Can you drive with your DH between lessons ? If so, get out every day, even if only for a short time.

Yes I get sweating 2 hours before the lessons start.

I'd love to be able to drive but now I do find myself planning the routes to go to kids school or swimming- and my test it's booked for January ( if I pass)

I love you thinking- if the idiots can drive so can I.
I on the other hand think- what if the driver next to me it's an idiot and does sth stupid I can't do nothing to help myself.

My husband, bless him, he's very supportive but because I get nervous we end up fighting if I'm driving with him ( on a field ex) but that's totally because of me .

I’m like this too.
I passed my test in 2015 but only ever drive once a week to A to B- strict sameroute I learned.
nothing else between.
If i have to to a new place, like drop off my child to sleepover, I would get into a such a stress that makes me sick like fainting.
What makes it worse I drive DHs super dupper lux car, he is extremely anxious about and treat it better than me!
So imagine the stress. Now I have to drive each day to school run to a new place which is very tricky with extreme narrow roads and every morning I vomit just from this stress.

Uhhh my husband's car is a luxurious one aswell-mind you the kids take the shoes off so not to make dirty the back of front seats, eventhough they have covers . He's happy to share the car with me but I'm not . I've sweared to myself never to go on the road with that or a divorce might come 😉 .

@Klodi shoes off? No are not at that stage yet, DD is 11 but she does it makes is muddy at the back. It’s more me hating driving the car as I’m scared of accidents etc, especially on very narrow roads. If I had my own car, I wouldn’t care that much of a state of it, so probably half of the anxiety would be gone!
Sadly can’t afford a second car so have to drive this even I hate it..

Oh OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It took me years to pass my driving test, with great difficulty. I don't think anyone understood how much of a toll it took on my mental health doing driving lessons weekly and hating them! I can remember having sleepless nights before a lesson and dreading the next one the minute my lesson finished! I'm so happy to hear you have a supportive DH. My dad parents weren't very supportive of the fact I was struggling immensely.

Here is some advice from someone who took five times to pass his test (on one occasion, I told my instructor I want to terminate the test as my anxiety got too much and I thought we could just drive back to the test centre however that wasn't the case! You have to stop there-and-then and your instructor has to get to wherever you are which in my case, was by foot in a very hill town in a middle of the summer!) and went through four instructors!

I didn't have private lessons, but could you drive with someone outside of professional lessons? Look at changing your instructor if you aren't gelling with them! Remember you are the boss. See a GP and talk about your anxiety towards driving lessons, they prescribed me propranolol which made me feel dazed during lessons! Would you consider changing to an automatic? It won't make driving any easier however having no gears will be one less thing to worry about! Do not rush to do anything, take your time, don't feel intimidated by other drivers on the road.

It's going to be a tough pill to swallow but you must not let your anxiety get to you (I know it seems impossible right now - I really understand what it's like) and not give up on learning to drive. It will hurt even more knowing you've let your anxiety win.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about it!

Hi. Sorry it took me so long to reply but was down with a bad cold - and yes I missed the driving lesson and suddenly I was pleased to be sick .
Thank you for your response.
Firstly I'm sorry you went through that ,I totally understand your feelings. But you seem to have overcome your fear and now your driving I understand.

You see my husband is very supportive, he does want me to do driving with his car but as I mentioned his car it's expensive, and clean ,and we worked so hard to buy that ,that we can't afford to scratch it- he has a van for working but it's manual.

I sticked to automatic thinking one less thing to think about without the gears . Luckily we can afford extra lessons ,and yesterday was my only 6th time doing lessons ,I do 2 hours.

But yesterday was a disaster at my driving lesson, I kept oversteering , and one junction was perfect the other one was to fast and than I literally felt like stopping there and than and never drive again. Once home I couldn't stop crying for hours ,luckily the kids were at school and I eventually I had to stop crying to go and pick them up.
I don't feel like me and the instructor are on the same page, he's more practical part and I need clear instructions- I was driving from one town to the other on my first lesson but still now hasn't mentioned anything about how to hold the steering wheel ,9-3 o clock shape or 10-2 o clock ( my friend mentioned that and I had no idea ) . Sometimes I think the instructor feels like has given up on me and its doing lessons just for the money sake and half way through will say he can't any more.

Sorry for the long post , just wanted to take some steam off my head . X

Hi OP, just wondering how you have got on?

I’m 28 and been doing my lessons for just over a year, massively on and off (instructor doesn’t work in school holidays) I’m due to have a baby in august and I’m so scared of driving but I’ve got it in my head I need to do it before baby comes. Silly to add pressure to myself!

have you found anything that helps you?

Hi @Journeywithme23 . Thank you. I'm still here ,watching YouTube videos about driving, reading books and secretly wanting to give up.

But it's getting better. I do lesson every week so I'm getting more confident ,but still I do great for 40 min than a roundabout comes and I miss 4 opportunities to go and I panic and need 15 min to calm down ( while driving)
But I swear it's getting better.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. My best friend passed her test 2 weeks before having her baby - she said the hormones kicked in. It was her 4th time and she didn't think she'd pass . So don't give up. Keep doing your lessons .