Olanzipine - will I ever be able to stop taking it?

[SameKeyThough]

Hi, I'm so worried about being on Olanzipine and scaring myself with stories on the Internet about it being impossible to stop. Does anyone have any experience of taking it and coming off it?
I have suffered from depression my whole life and taken antidepressants since I was 19 (49 now). That didn't bother me really , I've accepted that's just how I am. I am able to function well and happily on just Citalopram. Until I wasnt. I had a big relapse 5 months ago, very severe anxiety and panic, increasing my citalopram did nothing, taking lorazapam helped. I was able to use my husbands health insurance to get private psychiatric inpatient treatment, where the psychiatrist suggested a low dose (2.5mg) of an anti psychotic, Olanzipine. I resisted for a while as I had googled and read so many negative reports, but then after months of no improvement I agreed to try it. It was almost immediately helpful, and I felt back to myself finally. After a few really good weeks, my psychiatrist and I thought I could try weaning off it as my citalopram may also have been contributing to me feeling so good, and he didn't want to keep me on olanzipine too long. So I reduced really slowly, 0.8mg every 5 days but after about 10 days my mood went down and down and my anxiety increased. So now I am increasing the olanzipine again, desperate to get back to where i was before.. I'm so scared that I'm stuck on it forever and I'll end up with terrible side effects like diabetes and facial tics, or psychotic behaviours. Please please if anyone has any knowledge. I've read every previous mumsnet post but anything else???

@kizziee to a degree. I certainly found my private stays better than my NHS one (although thankfully that was only 1 night). I don't blame the NHS for that btw, I blame the chronic underfunding of mental health services. Anyway although the private hospital had better food and private rooms, what really helped was being somewhere I could get help immediately, even if that was just a member of the nursing staff talking me down from a spiralling panic. Or having my psychiatrist on site to respond to medication concerns. I didn't find the group therapy particularly helpful. I also appreciated being somewhere I could let it all out, and not feel pressured to protect my family. Being in a place where lots of people want to/have tried to kill themselves is oddly reassuring. My insurance have said they won't cover me now though as my condition is 'lifelong' so that's an end to that. I wish you well, it's so hard.