Anhedonia - unable to enjoy anything

[Notgettingbetter]

Anyone else suffer with this? I've had depression for nearly a year now. I'm possibly seeing some slow improvement but I'm still not getting any enjoyment out of my days. This depression has included a lot of very heavy existential distress - everything feels utterly pointless, especially when I can't enjoy anything. I keep doing things anyway - I spend time on my hobbies and socialising with people I care about, but it all feels so... hollow. I don't kill myself because of my dd, but every night I hope I won't wake up the next day.

@ufucoffee thank you for the apology - I really appreciate it 💐

Do you think you could leave and live nearby and have access to your daughter but not full time. I mean its got to be better than feeling like this. Children adapt to this sort of arrangement. They dont adapt to suicide of a parent.

@Branleuse I'm hanging on for my daughter's sake because you're absolutely right - sucicide is incredibly damaging for loved ones left behind. I really want to get back to being able to enjoy my dd's company again. I love her to bits and really don't want to be without her but at the same time she deserves so much better.

She does, but so do you. Youre ill. You need to work out a way of easing the load down to something you can cope with. The guilt of thinking youre abandoning her is driving you to consider doing even worse to her.
I have been in crisis like this where i have been so so desperatly sad that i felt like pure sadness and misery was pumping through my veins instead of blood. Its awful. You cant function. You have to find a way that you can find small bits of happiness or peace. Has your medication helped in the past? Does it need a review

I was supposed to have a meds review recently but the mental health team have been absolutely useless so I did some research and went back to my GP. He agreed to increase the dose of one med so it would at least be at a therapeutic level rather than a maintenance dose. The NHS have been extremely unhelpful throughout and that makes everything so much harder. I'm considering trying to find a new therapist/counsellor - someone who specialises in trauma. And I might go to visit my friend's grave next month. I haven't been because it's quite far and I don't drive. I wasn't invited to the funeral. I don't think her family knew of my existence. Her partner has since made it sound like I was probably her only friend and I'm sad that he didn't think to invite me but he must of course have been going through hell at the time. I thought I could take flowers to her grave and say goodbye - maybe get some closure. Unfortunately the place is also close to where I grew up - lots of crap memories.

Sounds so trite but try to love something about yourself. It's so hard but focus on a great thing about you. I've been told that so many times and usually want to punch the person who says it but I do try!
At the very least it makes me think about something else for a while

OP, I am so so sorry about your friend. That is a huge added weight to the depression. You definitely deserve a specialist counsellor who can help you deal with this. No wonder you have anhedonia.

You're not alone. I'm like this. I'd never "do anything " but life has no pleasure. I go through the motions and have had counselling, self help and ADS, but given up on them really. It's hard.

@Notgettingbetter this book was recommended on here a while back. I bought it months ago and never picked it up until I read your thread. I’ve just started reading it and it really does make a lot of sense!

www.wob.com/en-gb/books/russ-harris/happiness-trap/9781845298258?gclid=CjwKCAiA866PBhAYEiwANkIneJqLdJopFEeQHxAK3Nw29621vmEWW6gqtg6HYQo23h6AOzeEDfLYghoCL6IQAvD_BwE#GOR003777271?keyword=

The thing with that 'waiting until I'm not needed any more' feeling (which I recognise) is that you are likely to be needed for a very long time. DC need you. They'll still need you when they are young adults, or when they have DC of their own. Your own ailing parents might need you, your DP might need you. We will be needed

The problem with this for those of us desperately waiting until we're not needed anymore is that it just makes me feel like I'll be waiting forever. Meaning there's no way out and never will be.

I know this is a zombie thread, and I'm sure you have thought of these things already. I hope the GP checked your hormones (menopause?), your thyroid, and whether or not you are on the pill. All can affect your mood! I hope things are a bit better for you now. I also feel like this, which is why I found your post.