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Mental health

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Original poster

I am a horrible mummy..

50 replies

moodlumthehoodlum · 01/08/2007 16:28

Today I have been a horrible, snappy, shouty meany mummy.

This morning I was just so grumpy and horrid to dcs, but at the moment it is so blardy hard.. DD is 3 and DS is 2, and it is just one squabble after another, and it is exhausting and so wearing..

I am so short tempered, and I can see dd picking up bad habits from me, which depresses me even more.

I had a little pity party in the kitchen and cried a lot about pretty much nothing - I'm so lucky with my children and being able to stay at home with them, but sometimes it is such hard work. And all my neighbours will have heard me snapping at ds, so I'm sure that everyone now knows I'm a horrible mummy..

OK moan and confession of being mean and shouty over with.

OP posts:

Original poster

moodlumthehoodlum · 01/08/2007 21:58

Thanks everyone - it is so good to know that I am not alone. Had a good old wail when DH got home and resisted the huge temptation to have a large glass of wine.

So glad that everyone else takes the cbeebies & toast route when the going gets tough. I have to be honest though, the thought of doing it all again tomorrow is exhausting... I think I will try and not have coffee for breakfast, as I think coffee makes me snappy.

OP posts:

Original poster

moodlumthehoodlum · 01/08/2007 22:02

Obviously meant to wish everyone a happier day tomorrow!

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Pinkchampagne · 01/08/2007 22:04

Well done for resisting the urge to have a large glass of wine! I am on bacardi number 2!
Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Original poster

moodlumthehoodlum · 01/08/2007 22:16

You too. Fingers crossed...

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Meeely2 · 02/08/2007 09:10

so moodlum, how IS today going?

Anchovy · 02/08/2007 09:30

Actually I'll tell you something which I wish someone had told me at the time, and that is that it doesn't actually get any worse than this - which I think is strangely comforting.

My DCs are now 5 and 3 and while they still have their moments, the "moments" do not involve poo in the wrong place, irrational meltdowns or manhandling tantrumming toddlers: my dcs really are hugely easier to deal with now and will entertain themselves with minimal parental input for appreciable periods of time.

I have been there with the exhaustion and the monotonous repetitiveness and the squabbling, when you are only held together by wine, coffee and CBeebies (and I work full time) and have honestly come out the other side.

I think it is helpful to keep saying to yourself "this is as bad as it gets"!

HTH

Meeely2 · 02/08/2007 11:56

thanks anchovy, that has cheered my day (i also work full time)

Meeely2 · 02/08/2007 11:58

in fact life has got steadily better the older the DT's got, i think i only went on meds cos even though i was finding them easier (more time to myself) and dh was being way more supportive, I still had my 'moments' where i wasn't in control and i realised in one of my rational moments that it wasn't acceptable to still loose it with my kids.

clutteredup · 02/08/2007 12:03

I have been a horrid shouty snappy many mummy for as long as i have been a mummy, i don't like me when i'm tired.
Pinkchampagne i'm the same, i find i am much nicer to other children, i seemto be able to control myself with them. i often wish i could treat my dc like strangers then i'd be nicer i think its because you're emotionally involved with your own dc.

welshmum · 02/08/2007 12:06

Thanks to those who say it does get easier - I think you're right. Ds is at the 'fearless-with no sense' stage and needs pretty constant watching. I'm worn out with it BUT not worn out enough to notice it easing up with every month.
I know a cbeebies session does induce guilt but I really think we should take a collective decision to get over it - doesn't serve any purpose really does it?

MorocconOil · 02/08/2007 12:19

I'm the same clutteredup, I sometimes try and pretend my own dc are someone elses's so I don't find the constant questioning so irritating. However I think what is most annoying for me, is that they often ask the same thing over and over again, probably hoping for another answer. Also I suppose it's the way they learn , by repetition. You can't knock them for wanting to learn, and that's when I feel guilty, because I often say I don't know about things because the constant explanations about trivial matters drives me insane.

It helps to know other people have the same feelings though.

Original poster

moodlumthehoodlum · 02/08/2007 13:19

Echo everyone's thoughts on here - I am so nice to other people's children, so I think this afternoon I am going to pretend to be looking after my 'friend's' children!

Today has gone better thanks - life is so much easier when they are getting on with each other. They played beautifully together for about an hour after breakfast and it made SUCH a difference to my sanity.

I vote with welshmum on the immediate absolution of cbeebies guilt, if it helps make the day happy!

Very comforted that other people have days like this, and that it does get easier!

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Pinkchampagne · 02/08/2007 13:23

Glad things are better for you today, wish I could say the same - I have one having time out in his room & the other sitting on the step right now!

Original poster

moodlumthehoodlum · 02/08/2007 13:27

Oh no - poor you, PinkChampagne.. I was wondering how you were getting on. Its exhausting. Can you take them to a soft play place (I know I know, hell on earth) or just a park and let them run ragged?

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MorocconOil · 02/08/2007 13:33

Poor you PC. Can relate to that scenario.

I'm feeling relaxed, calm, and as if I have the best excellent parenting skills ever.

..............the 2 DSs are at a playscheme until 4pm

Pinkchampagne · 02/08/2007 13:37

The nearest soft play place is 10 miles away & I don't drive. Had made plans to take them to the paddling pool, but it looks like it's going to rain, so that plan has gone to pot!

DS2 is now playing downstairs, but DS1 is still in his room because he is shouting abuse, and I have told him he stays there until he stops & begins behaving.

I have come into my room for my own sanity because I am feeling quite wound up with it all, and I'm scared I'm going to snap.

BecklePhoenixBird · 02/08/2007 13:44

Glad you are having a better day today Moodlum! Mine too are behaving slightly better although still getting on each others nerves! I don't think there is anything wrong with a bit of Cebeebies time, mine will be having some this afternoon so I can get some paperwork sorted out! There is a big difference between a couple of hours to give you a break and all day long so the children don't do anything else!

Original poster

moodlumthehoodlum · 02/08/2007 13:49

Just do what you need to do to be calm - lock yourself in the loo and have a cry if necessary.

If its any help it looked like it was going to rain earlier, and it did, but only for about 15 minutes, and then it moved on. So maybe the same will happen with you, and you can still go to the paddling pool.

OP posts:

clutteredup · 02/08/2007 13:58

PC can you dress your dc up in raincoats and wellies and get out and splash in puddles and rain, you mght all enjoy it.

MorocconOil · 02/08/2007 14:13

Hang on in there PC. Your feelings of wanting to snap are perfectly normal. I agree with Moodlum and Cluttered up. A bit of fresh air and a change of scenery always seems to clear the tension for us. Going for a walk even in the rain usually works for us, as the dss use up some energy and if gives me a bit of head space.
Good luck!

Judy1234 · 02/08/2007 21:30

Is this why children can be better off in a nursery or with a loved nanny who can go off duty at 6 to have a peaceful evening and a full night's sleep and be sweetness and light next day whilst you've had all day with adults at work and lovely time and cuddles with children from 6 - 8 or whatever? Worked for me anyway.

Pinkchampagne · 02/08/2007 21:32

Sounds good, Xenia!

madamez · 02/08/2007 21:44

Two handy hints: get out into the fresh air at least once a day every day (no matter what the weather, kids love jumping in puddles and it helps tire them out) - and make sure you have at least one hour - maybe two hours - per week away from the DCs, doing something that you enjoy and that is solely for your benefit. Yeah, sure, your DH/DP works a five day week but your job is 24/7 and you need some time off.

hotchocscot · 03/08/2007 22:28

sorry xenia but only seeing my child for 2 hours a day ain't enough for me. I'd miss all the little amazing things he is learning every day. I want to be the one here to play with him, feed him, tickle him, pick him up when he falls, take him out and show him the world. Sorry if that doesn't fit in with your worldview, but not everyone wants to be an Alphamum. I'd rather have my own memories to look back on than the nanny's.

thefizzyone · 03/08/2007 22:41

You're giving them a life lesson.

It wouldn't be realistic if you were sweetness and light 24/7 - people get down and cross - and for your children to know that just because people get like that, it isn't necessarily a reflection on them is an important thing to know.

and NEVER worry about what the neighbours think!

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