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Original poster

Anyone actually ENJOYING their life ?

51 replies

scatterbrain · 10/05/2007 10:58

Coz I'm not !

I'm fed up - fed up with work, fed up with dh being grumpy and not paying me any attention, fed up with dd being a rude stroppy 6 yr old, fed up with everything ?

Even getting fed up with mumsnet and some of the attitudes on here at the moment !

Keep crying - feel like I am crap mummy, crap at my job, crap wife, crap daughetr etc etc

Generally crap !

OP posts:
Original poster
scatterbrain · 10/05/2007 12:24

I know - I have hidden it brilliantly for 6.5 yrs - even I think I deserve an Oscar ! I wonder how many other mums are acting their hearts out !

It's really coming to a head now though for me - I don't even feel like I enjoy my daughter, I don't even like her and my grumpiness and dh's grumpiness is making her behaviousr worse and she was a challenging child to strat with !

Reading CheesyFeets post just now I actually thought I'd like to run away - but I'd leave dd here - becasue I want to get away from her and hima dn all this ! But I don't know what I do want - just what I don't want !

OP posts:
clutteredup · 10/05/2007 12:27

You do want to feel better about things. You don't have to carry on feeling like this but you will need to get some help as you can't get better by yourself, believe me I tried to ignore it and it didn't go away for 5.5 years. Look tell me to shut up if i'm going on about it all, if i'm not helping at all then plese say so.

clutteredup · 10/05/2007 12:29

Can you get away on your own for a bit, to your mum's or somewhere fow a weekend just for a rest?

Original poster
scatterbrain · 10/05/2007 12:31

No I am listening - thanks again for talking to me. I don't think I want to go back on ads though- do you think counselling could help ?

I just feel it is all ME - my fault, it's my dodgy thinking that makes me think and feel this way. dh is a really nice bloke, everyone says so, he works hard and is doing really well in his career. dd is a lovely little girl, feisty - but so I am I. I just handle her so wrong - I shout at her and make her so much worse- I hear my words coming out of her mouth and they sound so so bad ! I am ashamed of myself but I can't stop - I have no eneregy - I have no get upo and go....

OP posts:
Original poster
scatterbrain · 10/05/2007 12:37

Not my mother - she could be root of problem - always puts me down, has never been proud of me - always turns arguments round to be about her - I wouldn't go there if I was homeless and on the streets.

Would love to get away - but where to ? Best friend's new partner has just moved in so they're all nesty and loved-up, wouldn't want to intrude - other bf lives in a 1 bed flat - so no room for me, other bf has own probs with husband.

That leaves hotel etc - too expensive and dul and muadling on my own.

OP posts:
Mhamai · 10/05/2007 12:45

Hi Scatterbrain, you could very well be describing me there, well withouth the dh bit. I also have a six yr old boy and we are also both lively. I won't go into the sordid details of my own woes but safe to say the past few months have been incredibly difficult. I can totally relate to the short temperedness with ds!!!!!!!!

I am a good mum but have recently felt that my life was just drifitng along. I was on ads before also and don't want to go back n them but that's just me.

To cut a long long story short, I have just come back from a weekend away. No ds, just myself and dd who is 20. Yes I've come back to the usual stuff, ie bills, housework, parenting, studying but and here's the clincher.

I have come back refreshed. I as worn out emotionally before I left, the acting as you call it, the drudge etc. I would highly reccomend counselling but I am a bit biased on that front as I'm a trainee counseelor myself.

Honestly Scatterbrain, if you can arrange time out, you might be surprised at how good you feel on your return, sometimes us mums have to step off the merry go round of life and take time out to discover who we are again.

I know this is not an option for everyone but if it is for you I would seriously urge you to take off for a few days.

clutteredup · 10/05/2007 12:47

there are plenty of alternatives to ads for pnd. you can talk to doc about it and they will provide counselling if you want. there are also lots of pnd support groups,might be one local to you. i've heard diet can help too esp for lack ofenergy. if you can bear it try the no sugar thng for a bit, its hard for a couple of days and i got withdrawal symptons but i did end up with stacks more energy, and was noticeably shiitier when i went back to it. also can you get out in the evening for a 5 min walk round the block? it doesn't have to be far or for long but its fresh air (dunno where you live but its probably fresh!) and just gets you away from 'things' - if your in the countyside just try having a good scream - don't recommend it in built up areas police might get called! do try to get away by yourself, do you have a friend you could go to a day spa with or something

Original poster
scatterbrain · 10/05/2007 12:48

Thanks Mhamai - one of my bf did a spiritual retreat thing - I quite fancy something like that actually - I must find out about it.

OP posts:
Mhamai · 10/05/2007 12:50

Oops I must still think I'm in Paris, that's counsellor not counseelor!

clutteredup · 10/05/2007 12:50

mhami has a point, what about sm time away with bf with dh probs, you can have a good moan about things together. sorry about your mum, you could really do with a supportive mum right now

Anna8888 · 10/05/2007 12:52

You sound like you need a SERIOUS rest away from it all, get your spirits and health back, and then to rethink your day-to-day life to make it less hassled and tiring.

How about three weeks on a Greek beach in the middle of nowhere?

clutteredup · 10/05/2007 12:54

can i come anna?

Mhamai · 10/05/2007 12:54

Just as an aside, I mentioned you on a list thread a while back!

Mhamai · 10/05/2007 12:55

Can I come too?

Anna8888 · 10/05/2007 12:57

clutteredup - sure.

Greek beaches always do it for me... I love the isolation of islands, living so close to nature and getting back to only the basics of life - sleeping, eating, swimming naked in a warm sea, dozing, wandering... it helps no end to make me aware of all the useless junk that contaminates modern urban life, and that I don't need or want to spend my life on an urban treadmill

Tigana · 10/05/2007 12:58

scatterbrain - I was depressed recently (self-diagnosed admittedly) and reluctant to talk to dh as thought he would make some 'hilarious' comment and brush it off as me being melodramatic.

I told him, he did make a 'hilarious' comment but then was also really supportive and concerned.

Original poster
scatterbrain · 10/05/2007 13:02

I dream of Greek beaches ! I really - and Maldivian beaches even more so !!

dh doesn't like beach holidays and as I said we have been doing Cornwall since dd was born. My last real holiday was before she was born !

We have been ski-ing which I hate - but it's just work work work, take dd here, collect dd from there - look after dd while I doa black run - whay don't you wnat to ski ??? hate it hate it hate it !!!

Other than that - dd sleeping in our bed on holiday, tantrumming coz she's not geting her own way - him huffing because I want some time alone to read a bloody book etc etc...

I can dream !!!

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 10/05/2007 13:05

scatterbrain - I hate ski-ing too, I have to go on a family ski-ing holiday every year for a week (but have negotiated major compensation).

However, if I were working full time, I would not go ski-ing on one of my precious weeks of holiday. I would take my daughter and go somewhere else of my choosing entirely which I enjoyed, and let my partner and stepsons go ski-ing with another family.

Original poster
scatterbrain · 10/05/2007 13:06

Hi Tigana, it's not that I think he'll laugh at me though - he doesn't really laugh much tbh - but he will judge me - he doesn't think much of people who have depression - I think he really does believe that they are swinging the lead etc - he would just think differenetlyt of me.

I ahve nevcer been the kind of wife that needed looking after, I am pretty low maintenance - and him knowing that I am not who he thinks I am would just change the dynamics too much.

Don't think I can do it !

OP posts:
clutteredup · 10/05/2007 13:11

I just googled pnd this link looks quite good pnd description not to mention that 1 in 10 women get it so you are an elite 10% of the population, not too sensible to get it. MAMA is another although I couldn't see how to find one in the area, usually the GP or HV has info on this. Unfortunately as your DD is at school the HV doesn't cover you now, but our HV is interested and would help all the same so its always worth a try, they might just direct you to the GP.
Other ideas is a 3 hr carb diet to keep your blood sugar levels constant, although the no refined sugar thing might help better or a high protein lo carb diet, also evening primrose and starflower capsules are also recommended. See, you're not alone everyone has an idea on this![is that coffe gettin cold, have another, oh but better make it a decaff this time caffeine can cause problems too!]

Tigana · 10/05/2007 13:14

scatter - you know him better than me (obviously!!) just wanted to say they don't always react how you expect. Also worth pointing out that depression can change your perception of situations, make you expect the worst etc?

clutteredup · 10/05/2007 13:17

sorry just cross posted again. Are you happy with the current dynamics with DH really, it sounds like you're not really. Give him a go, it may at least let him know it's not your fault or his that things are like this. Can you really be sure of his reaction, you could really do with having him on side, but it mightbe better to bring this up separately from the idea of time away on your own or if he was my DH he'd think it was a ruse. When my pnd was at its worst my dh wouldn't accept it he just blamed me for being awful - and i was- but this time round- 3rd baby- he was far more supportive and realised that he might actually need to help me- mind you after dd2 he hasn't had to .you love him so give him the opportunity to help, imho men won't offer help they do need to be asked

Mhamai · 10/05/2007 13:26

Scatterbrain, some great advice here, something that stands out for me is that you say you are low maintenance, perhaphs it's time to draw up a few boundary lines, not sure whether it's a mix of your dh being selfish or you being a bit of a pushover, that is so not meant to offend so hope it has come across right but seriously it sounds like you need to say, "I need some time out, time for me, time to recharge my batterys."

Btw you don't have to dream, a weekend does not mean a lifetime but could well be a weekend of a lifetime to rediscover yourself.

Anna8888 · 10/05/2007 13:30

I second Mhamai. Become a bit higher maintenance. Demand more for yourself. Negotiate some time/money to do what you really want (sleep? relax in the sunshine? go for a walk in the open countryside? along an empty beach?)

essbee · 10/05/2007 13:42

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