Ok I think my dh is having a breakdown please `can anyone help me with these questions?

[puddle]

I posted earlier this year about my Dh having panic attacks in the night due to stress at work.

Things have spiralled got worse over the last few days. He can't go in to work (has signed himself off). Is very tearful all the time, feeling panicky all the time and like he is unable to cope.

He's been covering it up quite well and although I was worried about him I had no idea how bad it had got.

He has now been to the doctors and been prescribed 20mg fluoxetine, also has been referred for counselling.

I can also get him counselling through my work (prob more quickly than via the GP).

I have a few questions:

• is it a good idea to have two different sorts of counselling or should he stick with one? My gut feeling is to try both and see who he clicks with.

• anyone with any experience of fluoxetine (which is prozac I think?)

• Should he tell work what is going on? The Gp was great and she said she will sign him off for longer with an ambiguous sicknote. But my feeling is he will get more support from work if he is honest about what is happening. It's a new job though and he is worried about telling them. He works in education, so public sector.

Is there anything else I can do to help him?

I am finding this all quite ard and am aware I have gone into 'full' coping' mode but I need to feel like I am doing something...

TIA

Berrie that's very sad re: mind. I am glad you got some support though

Puddle I don't mind talking about it. Actually it could just as well go on the thread about the mid-life crisis by 30. I was late 20s at the time. Partly it was pressure of my studies (I was trying to write a PhD at the time), partly baggage from previous bad relationships, partly anxiety over my relationship with my then bf, now dh (who I'd just moved in with, and he had asked me to marry him). I hadn't started on my career and really wanted to do my own thing, which meant moving away for work, but also didn't want to spoil our relationship, so I just didn't know which way to turn, and also I wasn't confident in myself to have a long-term relationship anyway. So basically I just flipped out in a "stop the planet I want to get off" way.

It was really hard for dh because I did shut him out (didn't want to scare him off, wanted to protect him from my messy life), but in a way I needed to find my own answers so talking to him only had a temporary effect. So try not to worry if your dh is finding it hard to be open with you, he probably feels the same, that he's trying to shield you a bit. It's also very hard not to be completely introverted when you are depressed, because you are constantly looking inside for reasons / answers. I'm sure he appreciates your strength and patience. (((hugs)))

Puddle, I'm really sorry to hear this
I have a very supportive employer too so was exasperated when dh got quite ill and refused to sign himself off even for a short time (although his illness was NOT work-related).
WRT to counselling, dh was offered some through his workplace (able to access it without referral or management knowing) and it was hopeless for him because it was CBT, not psychotherapy which is what he needed.
If you can ascertain what sorts of counselling are being offered in each case, it might be easier to decide which to run with.
Clicking IS important I agree but I had to work at my relationship with my psychotherapist, as this sort of counselling is challenging as well as therapeutic, so there can be some initial sessions where the doubts outweigh the positive feelings.
I could not agree more that the ADs need time to work. Maybe then your dh will revisit his current views about telling his manager about how stressed his job is making him.
Good luck XXX

Thanks Fluffy. It's good to hear that you got everything back on track. I think its taken dh to get to this low point to see that he has to address it, so am determined to see it a a positive thing and hopefully we will move forward from it changed but for the better.

thanks Marina. My work healthcare partner can offer what they called 'solutions based counselling' - no idea what that is really. Six sessions only though - then they can refer on/ he can continue but would need to pay (the six sessions are free).

The Gp counselling is likely to be CBT which I think would help dp.

Puddle,
I've no personal exp of teaching tho many family members teach and I know how stressful it is. I have been on prozac on two occasions, once for work-related depression and anxiety and later for PND.

I found the prozac helped both the depression and the anxiety, and helped me build up my confidence. I took them for about 3 weeks before there was a change, so tell your dh not to be put off if there is no immediate improvement.

FWIW I told work about my depression both times - the first time I had no choice as I was signed off for 6 weeks. The second time I was not off at all but told my boss anyway as I found it stressful to hide it.

Is your dh a member of a union? I only ask because my mum used to work for a teaching union and took on a lot of casework where she was supporting people with health problems. Also in the public sector at least there will be policies in place to protect the employee, in theory if not in practice. If I was your dh I would tell the boss and ask what the policy is for supporting employees in his situation. I would also try and access occupational health.

HTH

Doggies yes I had forgotten the unions. He is a member - that's a good idea.

Does anyone know what 'solutions based counselling' would be by the way?

CBT too, I'd have thought. As your dh is anxious about aspects of his work, though, CBT could help him to an extent, as you say.
I think it is called solutions-based because the aim is not to provide open-ended psychoanalysis.

I think CBT may well help him. He is working through a book on techniques at the moment.

We found Dorothy Stock's The Book of Life really helpful puddle, we both read it

Update for anyone who is interested.

DP has decided not to tell his bos but to go back to work on Monday. I am worried about it but he feels it will make him feel better to face up to things.

He is working on coping strategies now.

Two days in to the tablets and they sem to be making him a bit 'wired' and hyper, otherwise no real side effects so far (early days I know).

Marina I will have a look for that book - thank you.

In which case I really ought to get the author and title right - sorry puddle
Dh felt quite rough on his ADs for about four days and then better. Rough physically, that is

So.....after a weekend's planning and getting ready to go back this morning, he had 3 hours sleep and a massive panic attack at 6.30.

He's now accepted he needs more time off. Back to the docs later. Am quite relieved.