Has anyone overcome contamination OCD?

[AnxiousJo]

Hi I don't know if anyone can help or has anyone over come this problem. If so is really like to hear from you as I feel so alone and this is destroying my life.

Basically I have suffered from OCD since I was 16 but got it u set control. Until I had my daughter nearly 2 years ago. I started worrying that all kinds of things were contaminated and I developed a fear that things were contaminated about mould. This resulted in us going to live with my husband's family to save to buy a house. This started off OK until I overheard a conversation about how they were going to have a smart meter fitted and the woman said she couldn't do it because part of it may contain asbestos. This is all sealed in a metal box in a wooden box under the stairs. They put off having it fitted to leave it undisturbed but since then I looked it up and it seems like asbestos is in everything.

This coincided with my brother in law ripping down his artex ceilings himself and of course I am worried because artex can contain asbestos. I have done so much research and they apparently stopped putting it in artex in 1984 and his house was built in 1987 and I know that the white stuff isn't as bad as the blue and brown asbestos but still I am so worried and feel like everything is contaminated. My father in law also goes to help him as they are building an out building which is nothing to do with the ceilings in his house but I worry he has been round there and treads in it then treads it all in this house. I worry about his clothes and dust coming in on them. My brother in law came in the house tonight to collect his little girl and he looked really dusty. He walked past some of my girls toys and I am so worried that they now have asbestos on them and are contaminated.

I know that exposure is the best way to overcome this but I can't because I think of the what ifs. Like what if I don't wipe stuff down and something happens to my little girl. It's affecting my life. My husband and I keep arguing, my inlaws have noticed me doing weird things like avoiding things and wiping things down and I also fear my little girl will pick up on it and be like me and it'll ruin her life. Every time I go out I question if anything is asbestos. I can't go out or stay in. We have bought a house built in 2016 so no asbestos but my husband wants his dad to help decorate and I am worried that his tools are contaminated and that my new house will be contaminated.

Please help.

Hi still battling on feeling awful. We moved in November but my father in law did use some of his tools and that makes me anxious. I've also developed about of a thing about any dust that is drilled because I think there might be asbestos in it. Even though it was banned 17 years ago!! I wash my hands pretty much after I have touched anything in my house. My husband doesn't really help but makes things worse. Plus I feel guilty that I spend most of my time worrying. I even started worrying the other day about stuff that was in our old loft where we used to live because it was built in 1970s before I even knew about asbestos!!!!! I am still on the waiting list for CBT and I couldn't wait so started cognitive hypnotherapy last week which is expensive but if it gets me better it is money we'll spent. I'm glad you found the posts helpful. I can honestly say just don't Google. It is the worst for OCD there are all kinds of horror stories about everything and it just makes it all so much worse. Hope you're ok x

Sorry to hear you're still feeling awful @AnxiousJo. I know the feeling all too well. It's debilitating. Too late on the googling front I'm afraid as I did all that about 3 years ago and am the worlds biggest expert on asbestos 😬

I hope you get some access to CBT soon. It's such a horrible thing to be worried about as if you expose yourself to your worries there is no quick proof that all is ok.

Are you over it now? If so how did you do it?

I have this it seems and have done, mainly about asbestos which seems to have lasted around 20 years. It is particularly bad at the moment. Mine is mainly related to asbestos or fear of contamination from asbestos and it is not easy at all to deal with.

For example just today I walked past with wife and baby daughter a shop that was being renovated and I could see the ceiling were piled up and the door open. Of course, I assume asbestos even though I do not know either way, I'll assume that it is. Of course that few seconds walking past causes such extreme and intense anxiety that I often cannot function afterwards. The compulsion is to prove that I am safe, so often this results in a risk calculation (not sure it actually helps) but I try to compute the risk of such an incident, given some example parameters. Yes, I read the papers, do the calculations. Sad, I know, but this is how I've coped with this for 20 years.

TBH things have been better for me, but since having a baby I'm totally freaked out more then I have been. Some years seem quiet, but this year year its been exposure to smoking and almost any chemical. I'm still struggling to be honest because with something like this you cannot prove that you are safe, no matter, so the anxiety is bonkers. It literally drives you insane and my poor wife.

This is an achilles heel, it can floor me, totally wipe out any joy from my life and is somewhat agonizing. What people might think is nothing can be a super big deal for me...and it can take weeks to recover from it.

Understanding you have this is one thing. Whilst I've never been officially diagnosed, its likely to be some kind of contamination OCD. I'm still trying to solve it, I don't think I can solve it. Maybe the only thing I can do is manage it. But I don't always do too well at that.

I'm beginning to think that asbestos OCD is quite common. It somehow persists because you cannot get that re-assurance that you are safe, because the nature of the health conditions of contracting an asb related disease mean that it can take decades for any disease to manifest, so it is a perfect OCD obsession in a way. Not in a good way.

I'm still battling this, finding ways to make it less but also finding new anxieties that come along for the ride too.

Hi @Asbestosandme

I don't wrote earlier up on this thread back in January. Hope you're doing ok?

It's such a horrible thing to worry about. I too massively worrying about it. "See" it everywhere and panic my children have been contaminated. It's horrendous. I've had CBT before and am about to start it again as I think I'm worse than ever at the moment. I have good days and bad days. On bad days I have to control everything and things need to be kept in certain places or avoided as I worry they're contaminated. On good days I can tell myself that my family are no more at risk than anyone else.

What triggered your worry about asbestos do you know?

I think with the anxiety of this thing it can be accelerated with stress and xmas has a habit of increasingly self and introverted thoughts. One of the challenges is the replay of all the possible contact points over the years and I think with the issues of possible contaminants.

In my experience there is almost a never ending stream of what ifs. Basically if you feel one situation is OK after rumination, your brain will move onto the next possible exposure. Basically it never ends. So basically Christmas was being in a old home was a nightmare because there is my favourite obsessive Mineral here.

I think what helps is to try not to respond to the thoughts and feelings, basically that feeling that wants to protect you and forces that anxious feeling on you. In some way to realise that it is the anxiety and not the situation is driving you. Basically try to think of it as a form of OCD.

I have OCD too and have had asbestos anxiety. These days it tends to be more health anxiety (I can get into an OCD loop of checking my lymph nodes constantly, convincing myself they’re bigger, then having to check again, and again, and google lymphoma rates etc....) I can really relate to the asbestos anxiety as I thought I had been exposed at work (I work in a school which had asbestos removed) and I was constantly googling, reading up on different types etc.

What I learnt was that seeking reassurance, googling and checking makes it worse. If you ask for reassurance or google answers, al, you’re doing is convincing your ocd brain that there is something to worry about. Checking or seeking reassurance brings temporary relief, but it is temporary, and soon you’ll need to check again. I know this as I have asked three different GPs to check my lymph nodes. All three said they’re fine, which made me feel better, but then I’d be back again in a few months, worrying about the same thing.

What helps me is to not check and not seek reassurance. If I find myself feeling the compulsion to check,or google something, I tell myself “this is my silly OCD talking” and then distract myself with something. I find something I do with my hands is helpful, such as making a cup of tea or something like that. I also tell myself “I don’t have to check this today” and that works too. I had to open up to dh about it all and now if I’m struggling I will tell him and he is good at distracting me. I honestly think the key to breaking the cycle is stopping yourself from asking for reassurance or checking things yourself. The relief you get is only ever temporary and you just perpetuate your suffering.

That's all great advice @Hungrypuffin. The googling is definitely a thing I do in a bid to find answers. I can lose a whole day to it and will alleviate anxiety but then keep going and find something that then sends me back down a spiral of worry or leads me to think about something else (asbestos related). Once a thought gets in my head it is "stuck" there like a broken record. And the latest thought I have in my head is always the worst.

Christmas was extremely anxious. I'm staying in my mothers house which has an asbestos boiler room just to make things more stressful.

Here is what happened the last month for me as someone was asking:

1. Walked past a shop that was being renovated on the other side of the road. They were generating lots of dust and pulling down the ceiling tiles and some of this came billowing out the door. Didn't look like a professional job, so the ceiling tiles containing A sprang to mind. This is now in my mind as asbestos containing material and something myself wife and baby breathed in.

1. Christmas day, hunting around for oven gloves, found a pair, looked white and a bit asbestos like, that was that. I was almost finished for the day, could think about nothing but that. Saw the label and it referenced 1984 regulations, I then panicked because they might contain asbestos. Unlikely but still, I had to research it. Nightmare. I emailed the manufacturer. I don't expect a response, but felt that I had to do that.

1. Quote for A removal. Yes, I decided that we do need another boiler, its been 30 years since it was replaced and then it would mean removing the A from the boiler surround. It's not been done because its complex (other areas of AIB have been removed). So guy came around from specialist removal contractor today had a look, tapped some panels etc, but he got some dust on his finger, wiped it on his black jeans and then I shook his hand later. I needed a bath after that. Of course what runs through my mind is what is in that dust that came from the adjoining airing cupboard. I think any dust can be a source of worry and my first temptation is to conduct a full on investigation of that dust. I'm trying to avoid doing so. But can mind cope with the uncertainty. I'm trying to delay the response of checking but rumination happens. Sure, I use the cupboard all the time, so I try to see it that cannot be any more exposure then normal usage over the years of using and no asbestos panels were damaged.

1. Rumination about past events and potential exposures. This has to be the worst aspect of this condition. You replay scenarios over and over again and wonder whether you were "safe" in that environment. For example, At Christmas this is the home I grew up in. I grew up collecting clothes from the Asbestos boiler room, playing in there, hiding in there and watching when the boiler was serviced or small works done. This is just one of many incidents that I can recall and was done without any knowledge of the dangers of this mineral. These incidents involved everything from knocking off Artex accidentally to exploring old buildings. It's kind of always been with me for 22 years in almost everything. Since I knew what asbestos was in context, it's been like a "old friend" or so I believed keeping me safe from harm. But as we know this training sets in place some form of hyper-vigilance because I took my brain messages at face value.

1. A touch of binary thinking. One of the attributes I find is that knowing and having seen friends of family die from related conditions, it has helped strengthen that anxiety between particularly point 4 and any health anxiety. This contamination with A is almost the perfect form that can latch into your mind because there is no diagnosis or test to prove that you are safe. Again the thinking here is that generally there is a form of health anxiety, I'm pretty sure I was sensitive before those 22 years of "awareness" about a myriad of things.

And now I am an expert, I pretty know where asbestos is, and sadly it is everywhere and my mind can find it...new room: ceiling tiles, old buildings: AIB, london underground: ceiling, Marks and Spencer: ceiling, Garage: Roof.

People (wife) often ask me what I am looking at, staring often at the ceiling for example.

Now I have the challenge to how to manage an ageing parent, whether in this home or downsize to a brand new (no A possible anywhere). So I'm agonising whether to keep her as is, renovate (with the stress to me) for new boiler, bathroom etc or just sell it as it is or just leave it.

I did read Brain Lock by J Schwartz which I have just recently re-read again which has the four step process. One of the challenges is again to resist that urge to get re-assurance and then disappear down that rabbit hole of researching, searching and ruminating. But generally with situation 3, it is too much to simply ignore, I have to have a bit of re-assurance...which is not what you are supposed to do.

My poor wife is bearing the brunt of some of this. She understands that it is better we just avoid a home (our new home which we are looking for precludes anything that is not A free) that seems hazardous and get something that doesn't remind me. Because after all, its not going to be easy to manage always the blow-ups caused by coming across things that I do not know the origin of.

I didn't answer the question about the trigger. It was around 1997 that I started to encounter asbestos or at least dwell on it. I think the following:

1. Extreme stress
2. Family friends dying from Asbestos Conditions.
3. People warning me about dangers of Urban Exploration.
4. Renovations around me.
5. Flippant response of people when I asked questions.

That year and time seemed to crystallise everything. After this point, I started to think back over and ruminate over my past possible exposures, in this house we stayed for Xmas and lived in for many years.

Ah yes, Demolition and renovation. I cross over and try and avoid it. I even avoid walking past skips and will cross the road. Usually I eye ball what is in the skip if I cannot get around it, so I hear what you are saying about the large building. It creates a quandary as you cannot know that it is safe, even if they do it properly, they might have left a bit that somehow gets around and in to my body.

The anxiety does become like a friend and I don't wish it on anyone too, it provides zero comfort at all though, however I think it managed to establish itself because I did not know it was OCD and somehow became very fixated into my mind. It is a familiar worry and maybe there is some perverse payoff which is why my brain keeps doing it. I have read much on this but @AsbetosandMe I think you are very similar in timescales and onset. Did you have some stress at the time? Somehow wiring in this fear?

You are like me, I've done some extensive travel, dangerous places, crazy things and was even learning to fly. But this thing floors me. Like a complete Achilles Heel, it is like a haunting feeling wherever you go that there is an anxiety that doesn't ever abate. It is super hard to explain, but I'm assuming that people might have for example social anxiety and that tends to cramp their ability to certain occasions. But yes, I feel inhibited about enjoying life to the max because works or ideas then float into my mind and the brain kicks in and ruins it.

Yes, in a nutshell yes, my mother was over protective. Rather less pragmatic she was and is a worrier, not specifically OCD but yes, she was overly concerned with safety. Dad less so. She would worry about any problem for you but she herself was poor at coping with life challenges. I've often though I inherited the genes and some of these poor life skills and maladjusted. Strangely aside from these fears and anxiety, I'm reasonably successful career wise, but of course I could have spent less time obsessing over this stuff and more time doing something productive and that thought does occur. But I've sort of muddled and forced my way through obstacles. Would have been better thinking about more troubling or pressing issues. I remember even when my Dad died, I still had many obsessions around the time and even a losing a parent, I still had to fight.

@AsbetosandMe I think a few key phrases have always stuck with me around this OCD variant that have made it hard to shift.

"One fibre is all it takes"

I know for me that stuck more then 20 years ago as is commonly said. So even for fairly logical mind like mine, it can lead into a binary thought pattern that any exposure is too much rather than being dose dependent. I know the science says that there is no safe limit and that I have no issue with, I guess for me, its the fact that getting zero exposure is almost impossible, so risk is related to the level and intensity of exposure but yet one fibre could indeed be enough, though unlikely. Sort of like Russian roulette the more times you play the more the risk.

But the phrase above made me "nuts" about 20+ years ago when I had no idea that we are all exposed at low levels. Another very off putting phrase for me was the flippant remark:

"Don't worry about it now, worry in 30 years"

That somehow also affected my psyche and part of the OCD is proving safety so that I do not actually have to worry. Weird, but I don't want to worry, so the checking, research is done for the relief of not thinking I'll die in a really horrible way before time. So the OCD is an anxiety release mechanism, but one that backfires.

For me I do feel tormented, like a personal attack yes. It seems no matter what I do to cope, its the wrong path. Sometimes something just shows up from nowhere and foxes me, because we are aware and knowledgeable we need to process it. But I do find and see it everywhere. I even thought I should go into the business of surveys and at least try and capitalise on the knowledge. Again, I could prob never cope with the stress but when things are bad, I don't think about much else, so I might as well get paid.

Here is the really crazy thing, I did read similar comments in the Brain Lock book and from reading around. Here it is..

That for me getting a terminal illness that wasn't from A would almost be a relief. Sounds totally f&*ed up. But because the way my mind works and the OCD I think the big picture gets lost in the details of trying to solve the problem of proving that I'm safe.

@anxiousman How are you doing now? I have the exact same anxiety and fear as you do. I feel contaminated every day and don't like leaving my house because I don't want to become contaminated with asbestos somehow while out. It's ruining my life. My husband and kids hate me. Everything you wrote on this thread I can relate to.