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Original poster

what happens if you have PND but dont take drugs?

70 replies

jetjets · 09/03/2007 13:26

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jetjets · 09/03/2007 21:05

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jetjets · 09/03/2007 21:06

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jetjets · 09/03/2007 21:13

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scatterbrain · 09/03/2007 21:18

OK will try again in a second !!

The up and down thing sounds very familiar - in a way you do need to let the doctor decide - just trust them for a while ! It is bloody scarey knowing that you aren't thinking straight !

Well done for telling dh and your bf. I couldn't tell anyone - dh doesn't know to this day ! Had to tell mil as I needed her to pick me up a AD prescription once - and after that I told my two bf's - no-one could believe it really - which made it worse - like I chose to have PND !

Anyway - these are all good positive steps - you are def on right route !!!

malaleche · 09/03/2007 21:19

I think PND is much more widespread than people think. I'm glad there are new plans to routinely ask women about their mental health after childbirth but im not sure if itll help much as, if theyd asked me, i would have brushed it off or maybe if theyd asked me on a good day (or in a good hour more like) i would have fallen through the net. It's only now when i feel so full of energy and happy that i've fully realised how close i was to going over the edge. I planned to kill myself and both dds. I told dp but he thought i was just moaning about things. I didnt ask for help because i thought i wouldnt be taken seriously and also thought if i was put on ADs that would be me for life. Thank god it went away. Please god don't let it come back.
Get help jetjets {{{{{hug}}}}}}

Original poster
jetjets · 09/03/2007 21:29

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ellenjames · 09/03/2007 21:34

hi hope u are ok i was the same. I had pnd after very traumatic birth experience with ds. Took me ages to admit it to myself and dh but when i did it was such a relief. I took ads for a while treated them like a crutch they were brilliant at getting me back to being able to cope. i stopped taking them of my own accord and am fine, but i would recommend seeing everything through with gp etc as sometimes if i have a crap day i worry that i came off them too soon but deep down i know i didnt sorry if didnt make much sense but good luck to you and familyxx

cori · 09/03/2007 21:36

The thing is you dont have to be permanetly feeling low, to have PND. some days you can and will be fine, but then others it all gets on top of you and feel you cant cope. I have PND, and am taking ADs have also started counselling. I think if i didnt take the ADs i would have ended up in a very dark place. I am really surprised at how well they work.

DimpledThighs · 10/03/2007 09:03

okay - apologies but had 3 pints of stella and forgot all my promises - am such a light weight these days.

But am back and will tell all.

I had ds 7 years ago. I adored every essence of him - I thought I might not be able to have children so I knew how lucky I was to have him here and just looking at him would flood my heart with joy. It was everything I ever wanted and more but....

but but but I could not work out what was wrong with me as I had my dreams fullfilled and there was part of my soul that was empty and crying out for attention - I ignored it. This part of me shouted louder and louder about my discontent but still I ignored it - this was everything I ever wanted so I had to - didn't I?

The more I ignored the fact that part of me felt 'wrong' and anixous and alone the more it grew until it started to overcome me. I started to watch the news and then imagine scenarios that were so bad I had to stop watching the news. I became sure that I would not have long with ds - that my time was almost up and I was going to die - I even wrote him letters for after teh event I was so sure. One day I was alone and crying and I realised I couldn't go on. I called my GP and had an appointment that day (I am sure if I had to wait I would have reconsidered and cancelled.)

I was diagnosed with PND.

My son was two.

I went on AD's for a few months and it was like the clouds lifted. I came off them under medical supervision and found myself and am able to enjoy my life.

This is me.

Many people are different and respond in different ways but this is what happened to me.

Original poster
jetjets · 10/03/2007 11:50

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malaleche · 10/03/2007 21:39

jetjets - "But this is just the way I am."
"I didn't used to be like this."
It's not just the way you are and you can be like you used to be again. Get some help please. I didn't ask for help or take ADs but from what people are saying here they make a big difference and then you stop taking them when you're better. You may not even need them. From what you say it seems your main trouble is anxiety and some counselling could help you. It is hard being a parent however well prepared you thought you were and it is sad when they start to grow up and are no longer the little innocent baby but a big bolshy kid who you seem to spend your day battling with (and my dd1 is only 3.5 yo!). We all want to be the best parent we can to our dc, the responsability is overwhelming sometimes isn't it?. But there is no way you are 'a waste of space' to your son. Imagine him 20 years from now, a big, handsome young man smiling and saying 'I love you Mum' and giving you a big hug. You owe yourself, and him, that.

Vornsta · 11/03/2007 01:54

Dear JetJets,
it sounds like PND
anyone can get this
antidepressants are a treatment not a crutch
starting to take them does not mean you will need them long term or that when you stop it will come back
it is not normal to want to die
treatment can help
it will get better
if your GP is no use see another one
it is important to get help for you and your child
there is help out there
antidepressants and cognitive behavioural therapy are effective
please go and get help even if occasionally it seems OK. You are not a fraud, you need some help.
Help won't stop you being you, it will help you become you again.

I have had depression and I am a psychiatrist

gremlin · 11/03/2007 08:00

I feel for you so much. I had what was dignosed as PND after the birth of DS2 17 months ago. Still feels very close. I personally think that my circumstances were in some part to blame as we had just moved house, had the threat of a traveller encampment at the bottom of our garden, and I had had a car crash involving an articulated lorry when eight months pregnant. I think that I am also prone to periods of depression anyway.
I know how desperate you can feel and how there sometimes feels there is no light at the end of the tunnel. You want to try anything that will lift you.
I also did not want to resort to AD's. I tried them but it felt so wrong, I decided to try and find the answers for myself. I took St John's Wort in the day and Valerian to help me sleep (on advice from experts).
But I have to say that it was probably reaching the point where I knew I had to help myself which was the biggest point in my recovery.
I am not saying this would work for you. Only you can know what is best for you. Don't dismiss AD's. Just try and find the best solution for you. I will be thinking of you....sending loads of love...

Pitchounette · 11/03/2007 09:14

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Elk · 11/03/2007 10:02

Hi,
I hope you are as ok today as you can be at the moment.

I hope you get the help you feel you need. I have 2 dds and had pnd with both. The first I didn't take AD's. I got by with exercise - I found a gym with a creche, and a strict routine. This time round I went to the gp and he prescribed AD's. The big difference for me is that at long last not only do I love my dds but I am enjoying them and my life.

As had been said lots of people have been where you are now and lots of us still are.

Being at home with a young baby is hard and IMO it does get better as they get older and are more fun.

To answer your original question I don't know if PND goes away by itself or if it lesssons and you end up finding your own ways to cope if it is mild. SOme people, rather a lot do need AD's but I know quite a few people who have been on them for a few months and then come offf (slowly) and been fine so you need to find what is best for you.

Please CAT me if you want a chat, I am around all day as my dh is out running a half marathon today - mad idiot.

Original poster
jetjets · 11/03/2007 15:49

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mammyjo · 11/03/2007 16:14

Jetjets, hope you are feeling a little brighter this afternoon. I know exactly where you are coming from. I had PND after ds was born and it took me a long time to admit it to anyone. I kept thinking that someone would take ds away and I would get my old life back and things could get back to "normal" but obviously they didnt. I eventually spoke to my HV who was fantastic and I saw my GP too. He wasnt so great I must admit but once it was out in the open I felt I could start to tackle it. I am lucky that my HV as well as my family were all very supportive. I never took AD's as a personal choice really. I am pregnant again now and am due in 3 weeks time. I am scared that this could happen again but I also feel that I have my eyes open to it this time and hopefully will seek help earlier if I need it. Good luck to you xxx

Original poster
jetjets · 11/03/2007 16:22

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mammyjo · 11/03/2007 16:36

I didnt take drugs because I just didnt want to. Think I would have a lower threshold this time round. What helped a lot for me was just being able to get out of the house. I was lucky that ds was born in May and the summer was glorious so every day I would walk for miles with him in the buggy. I found that just being outside my four walls and getting some fresh air helped. Dont get me wrong it has taken years to get better and to be honest I dont feel it has left me totally, but that is something that really helped to lift my spirits. I also found that I struggled to be in anyone elses company, I withdrew a lot but actually human contact is a great help. Just to chat about unrelated things can be useful.

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jetjets · 11/03/2007 17:41

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malaleche · 11/03/2007 20:25

Agree with mammyjo - there were times when i didnt leave the house for 3 days (fortunately DDs went out with their dad). Just going out for a walk can make you feel loads better. I would also recommend Valerian tho i havent taken it while preg or bfeeding so dont know if it would have helped with PND. Some kind of couselling could help too.
As for what causes PND i'm no expert but i feel it's a combination of:

hormonal changes

sleep deprivation/interruption

unresolved traumatic events before the birth, even in the year or two before

a traumatic birth experience or difficulties getting preg in the first place.

And perhaps a tendency to depression in the first place.

hope you find a way out of it soon
lots of love

Original poster
jetjets · 11/03/2007 20:30

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malaleche · 11/03/2007 20:38

Well there you go then!
I only had the first 3...I must be a fraud

snowleopard · 11/03/2007 20:40

Jetjets, so sorry you're going through this. Just another word in favour of ADs. You say it would be a "false you", propped up by ADs, but again what if it was another illness, like a broken leg, diabetes or just a headache - having a cast, insulin or paracetamol wouldn't make you a false you - they would provide help where it was needed. It may actually be part of the pnd to have this feeling that there is no cure or that you don't deserve help. You could find ADs very effective and feel a million times better - I think it's worth a try. If you do have pnd (and it does very much sound like it) - it's not a failing or something you've done wrong - it's a very common reaction to having a baby, and one that can be cured.

Though of course talking about it can help a lot too - so if you decide against ADs, please stay on MN as there is so much support here.

filthymindedvixen · 11/03/2007 20:46

If you were feeling ill for any other reason, would you go to the doctor and hope he could make you better?
PND is an illness. The doctor can give you something to make you feel better. There are no guarantees, but ADs may help you feel btter much faster than dealing with it by yourself.

There are things you can do too to help yourself - regular exercise, fresh air, eating regularly and yes - the Holy Grail of new parents - rest! And talking to people, which I see you've already discovered....

There are some lovely, supportive people here on MN, so you're off to a good start. I hope you start to feel better soon. x