I don't want to take the meds.can I do this without them?

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

I have read some of the posts on here and the leaflet contained within the sertraline tablets. I wasn't keen on taking them anyway but I have been trying to deal with my increasing anxiety and depression for a year or so and I am not doing very well.
But the side affects really worry me. I know lots of people just get common side affects but even those worry me, let alone the rare ones. I hate taking anything, especially things that will make me feel ill or interfere with my periods. Yeah, I guess that is what is worrying me. That and putting on weight. I am feeling miserable about my weight anyway so I don't want to make it worse.
I am just scared of how this would affect me. Maybe I will have another go at dealing with this myself. The doctor has put me on the list for cognitive behavioural therapy so maybe that will help. I only saw the doctor today as I just couldn't go before now. I reached my limit last Friday so had to ask for help finally.
Does anyone know whether cognitive behavioural therapy is good? I don't know anything about it.
Did anyone put on weight with sertraline? And did it give you irregular, painful periods? or any other side affects aside from sickness or tiredness?
Thank you, I don't have anyone in RL that I feel i can confide in. I keep swinging from wanting to manage myself, to taking the meds if it means it helps.

[WrongTrouser]

Hi Private It is still early days but sorry to hear you didn't have such a good day. Well done for still seeing your friend even though you didn't feel up to it initially. I really have to make an effort to be sociable when I'm feeling low but always enjoy it when I do, with good friends and close family.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

Thanks wrongtrouser.xx

[stilllearnin]

How are we all? I can't wait to see the gp on Tuesday - so lucky to have a good one and a good counsellor.

BCG how are you doing?

[BCGRMDP]

i have been feeling so sick and really struggled to sleep last night but i need to persevere. i think the perinatal MH team coming tuesday has made reality sink in a lot and now im so scared of losing my children.

im still thinking about asking the health visitor or my outreach worker to be there if anything for back up that i am able to look after my children and that they are being well cared for.

im atruggling to accept things because i can fake it so well i convince myself im find when actually im anything but fine.

just dont want to lose my kids :(

[stilllearnin]

Oh BCG just posted on your other thread! You are doing your best and it sounds like you know you care for your children well. We all fake coping better than we really are. Tell me how you care for your children? You wash and feed them, yes? Of course you do. But the other things, the love? You are getting an assessment for your eldest I think? That takes lots of love, attention and perseverance. It would probably be easier to let that slide. So, what else do you do? Do you sing to them? What are their favourite songs? Do you play, or cuddle them while they drop off to sleep?

Why not call your health visitor or your outreach worker. My experience is limited so you need to speak to someone who knows, but in your position engaging with supporting professionals is bloody impressive. This is what will keep your kids with you. Sounds to me like you are working hard. Don't let your brain trick you into thinking otherwise

[BCGRMDP]

thank you. think thats the first thing someone has said to me along those lines in bloody ages that has actually made an impact.

i have coping mechanisms, have done for a while. such as the first thing i do when we get up is get us all dressed and ready, so i dont sit and then find it impossible to do. and i wont sit between putting them to bed and when the housework is done so again i cant fall into the pit. then we spend all day out and about until 4.30 when we come home for dinner bath and bed. i find it easier to interact with the kids at groups, i find it so mcuh harder at home so we go to groups a lot.

genuinely feel like i have spent the last 3 years surviving thanks to him and thrn the last 3 months fighting for my life to save myself from him and now from myself. im giving absolutely everything i can to protect those kids yet all i feel is that i dont love them even though i know i do.

will call them tomorrow, would prefer HV as i trust her the most as she got me out of the relationship and has been bloody amazing.

i have already been told by my outreach worker that the number one thing social services want from me other than keeping them from their dad is to keep engaging with groups and my worker. they arent involved but thats what they said would get them involved if i stopped! just scary as dickhead ex keeps making malicious allegations and im scared the combination of them and my health will cause me problems.

sorry for the ramble.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

Well I woke at 5am (old time 4am) feeling dizzy and weird but the day was ok in the end. My oh doesn't do things for me like remembering to get the kids to make a card-which is all I wanted. So I subtlety reminded them myself!(how sad is that) luckily they were excited to do it and dc2 made me 3! :) oh does that with birthdays and Christmas too. He has always been crap about things like that but this year is his first year since his mum passed away so I didn't say anything, I know it must be hard for him.
Next week I aim to step up the pace a bit and get back to doing my exercise more and trying to do more chores. At the moment I do the bare minimum as it was too overwhelming but my house looks unloved!
Bcg - i read your other threads, it sounds like you are having a really tough time and you are doing an amazing job. Ramble away. I find it really helps to put your thoughts on here and someone will always be supportive and give great advice. I too always found it easier being out and about at groups and parks with my children. Even now things are so much better,if they are squabbling or I am finding it hard, when I go out for a walk somewhere with them.

[stilllearnin]

bcg sorry, been with ds. It really sounds like you are doing everything you can. It's such a struggle - maintaining momentum, but you are protecting your children. Keep going and get hv on board for Tuesday. I have an all dayer with camhs tomorrow (with my ex...send me strength!).

private what exercise do you like. I love running. Did a half marathon last month. But I've struggled even with yoga recently.

[TeresaGuidice]

Hi Private , just want to say I'm about 8 weeks down the road with Sertraline and I would really recommend sticking in there.
It's been a bit wobbly especially the first fortnight or so , but they are starting to kick in now I've gone from 50 to 100mg. I feel so much brighter. Not perfect, but much much less anxious. And I've started laughing again!
I'm also on a long waiting list for CBT ( 7 months) but I've started doing the online stuff they recommended and it's pretty good.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

Thanks Teresa, I will stick with them.I have a doctor's appointment in a week. I am glad it helped you. I am really hopeful it will help me too.
What exactly is the online cbt like as I have that option?
Stillearnin - I am worried about outing myself if I specifically say my activity (I know it's silly) i don't have much money so I do a lot of fast walking daily, exercise dvds (though not for a month due to being too depressed which is why I wanted to see if I can start doing it again without crying and being pathetic) and this activity approx 3 times a week. Well done you on your 1/2 marathon.amazing!

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

I am having a shit day. Full on anxiety that just increased as the day has gone on. Made worse by my mother who I have seen.who just goes on and on and on! Really loudly, saying the same things on repeat.
She went on so much that I didn't have time for my activity but I was quite relieved as I was feeling too anxious to do it. But I did want to push myself and do it.I am sure I would have felt better after.
Well I prob won't see my mum till the end of the week so that will give my ears a rest.
I just didn't need that today. I have no reason to feel anxious so why am I.

[WrongTrouser]

Sorry to here you are having a bad day Private. If you have depression and anxiety, you don't need to have a reason to be feeling anxious. It's just there, all the time, sometimes less, sometimes more. It sounds like seeing your DM was pretty stressful anyway.

I don't know if I said this earlier on the thread, but when I saw a cbt therapist and spent some time talking about how I was feeling, what I remember most vividly is every now and then, in all kinds of scenarios I was talking about, she would say "That's your Worrying again"

Lots of different situations or feelings I was finding difficult were "The Worry" manifesting itself. It doesn't need a reason - it will attach itself to anything.

Good idea to avoid your mum stressful situations if you can for a week or so.

Don't give yourself a hard time that you are not feeling better yet. The ads will not be having an effect yet but you are taking really positive steps by keeping on with them.

[TeresaGuidice]

Hi Private
That's a shame you're having a rotten day. When I first started Sertraline I was all over the place and my anxiety definitely got worse before it got better but I had googled and knew that was normal. So I told myself to hang in there as it would be worth it. And I was right. The Gp gave me Diazepam to take if I was feeling particularly bad but stressed that it was only for the immediate short term. I didn't take it much but was good to know I had it.
CBT I think helps you to train your mind to stop worrying round in circles , and thinking so negatively. I have another 5 months on the NHS waiting list where I live

[TeresaGuidice]

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

This is the link to the CBT worksheets the Living Life counsellor sent me to look at while I wait. You click on the area/s you think apply to you and read through the worksheets. It's easy to make sense of, obviously written in laymans terms and I've found the health anxiety one particularly useful.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

Thank you wrongtrouser and Teresa, now the kids are in bed I am beginning to relax a bit. Though I still have this ball of anxiety in my chest.I think I will try to read a book and go to bed early if I can.
I love my mum but she can be stressy and stressful. I think next time I will not engage with that particular subject.

[TeresaGuidice]

Glad you're feeling calmer now.
I'm usually worse in the mornings and feel better as the day goes on. I wake up panicky and once I'm up and about it starts to lessen. Unless something major happens to set me off (!) I'm usually ok in the evenings.
I think a combination of Sertraline, CBT and counselling is helping. I'm also going to a mindfulness class once a week and it's been great for racing thoughts/worrying etc. I have also found opening up to friends has been great, just being totally honest about how I'm feeling and it's such a weight off your mind. And everyone has their own crosses to bear, if you go through life without a bout of depression / anxiety I think you are very lucky and probably pretty unusual!

[WrongTrouser]

Hi Private Just wondered how you are getting on. Is your appt with your GP this week? Hope you've been feeling okay.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

My appointment is next week. The last few days have been up and down but overall ok. I haven't been waking up super early which is great for me. I have had a few different moments (usually at night when there are no distractions) where I have been overly worried about a particular thing and its gone round in my head too long. I gave myself a talking to because there is nothing I can do about it, it's not really bad for me but it was a while before I could sleep.
How are you wrongtrouser?

[WrongTrouser]

Good to hear you've been okay and not waking too early. I'm okay thanks. I've had a bit of a stressful/busy few days - I'm not very good if I've got too much on - but hopefully the rest of the week will be quieter.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

I understand what you mean about having too much on sometimes and then I feel a bit frazzled and have to have a bit of quiet time as its too much for me.
I woke early again. I have been down today. Oh had leave today and he knows I feel exhausted but thinks it's a side effect of the meds. I am tired but it's also being depressed more today. Maybe I will talk to him when the kids are down. I don't think he will understand but I will try.
It's at times like this I feel I won't ever be happy again.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

Ok......I will be happy again. I have to believe it will work out in the end.

[WrongTrouser]

Hi Private Sorry you've had a rough day. Hope your chat with OH went okay, if you decided to talk to him. I think it can be hard for ohs to grasp what it feels like, esp if you are trying to keep it all together for the children so having to front it out a bit, if you see what I mean. You will start to feel better soon. If by the time you have your review with GP you are not seeing an improvement perhaps you can discuss trying a higher dose? But you may start to feel better by then. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

Thanks wrongtrouser, i think that if I am not feeling any better I will have to ask for a higher dose. I woke early again.had a headache for 3 days which doesn't help. Just bundled under a snuggy on the sofa for an hour this morning before work as I felt down and just drained. Work was ok then I completely lost it at my activity. I had changed but couldn't do it. I just unchanged and went home.pissed off with myself for not doing it.I will try for tomorrow instead.
Maybe it just needs more time.
Feeling a bit like a failure really.I know it will get better.

[FaintlyHopeful]

it took about 2 and a half weeks to work for me and it was like flicking a switch. I was worried that I should have felt better sooner, thinking that the improvement would be gradual. I had similar side effects to you- feeling spaced out, a bit paranoid, headaches and sleeplessness. All of them lifted when I started to feel better. Hopefully you will feel better soon.

[WrongTrouser]

Be kind to yourself OP. At least you got yourself to your activity which is more than I have managed to get myself to do the last few weeks. I really need to start doing a regular exercise class but sadly my motivation is weak, and I'm feeling pretty okay at the moment. It is still early days for your ads and I agree with Hopeful it doesn't seem to be a gradual improvement for most people with the ads, more they aren't working and then they are. For me it was like some endlessly whirring and clattering piece of machinery in my head just stopping. You really aren't a failure. You are doing the right things to get better, it just can take time. Hope you get some relaxation this weekend.