I don't want to take the meds.can I do this without them?

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

I have read some of the posts on here and the leaflet contained within the sertraline tablets. I wasn't keen on taking them anyway but I have been trying to deal with my increasing anxiety and depression for a year or so and I am not doing very well.
But the side affects really worry me. I know lots of people just get common side affects but even those worry me, let alone the rare ones. I hate taking anything, especially things that will make me feel ill or interfere with my periods. Yeah, I guess that is what is worrying me. That and putting on weight. I am feeling miserable about my weight anyway so I don't want to make it worse.
I am just scared of how this would affect me. Maybe I will have another go at dealing with this myself. The doctor has put me on the list for cognitive behavioural therapy so maybe that will help. I only saw the doctor today as I just couldn't go before now. I reached my limit last Friday so had to ask for help finally.
Does anyone know whether cognitive behavioural therapy is good? I don't know anything about it.
Did anyone put on weight with sertraline? And did it give you irregular, painful periods? or any other side affects aside from sickness or tiredness?
Thank you, I don't have anyone in RL that I feel i can confide in. I keep swinging from wanting to manage myself, to taking the meds if it means it helps.

[WrongTrouser]

Sounds like a lovely day Private. I've had a good one too, dh is off too so we have all just been pottering around in house and garden and enjoying the sun

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

Hi wrongtrouser. I have been so up and down.really depressed Sunday, Monday and today.I just wanted to hide under my duvet and stare into space. I didn't of course as I am a mum and have things to do. Just really finding it tough.My cbt today wasn't that helpful. Mostly my fault as I found it hard to articulate and engage properly. I just felt so down, crying and being pathetic. I have a dr appointment tomorrow anyway so I will chat about increasing my meds one last time. We did discuss it last time but I wanted to stay on the same level. I am feeling worried it will be like this forever. I can't go on another ad. I just can't. so this has to be ok on 200mg.
Anyway.I am exhausted.going to sleep.
I hope you are having a good week. Rain and wind have been crazy here!

[WrongTrouser]

Sorry to hear you are not feeling to good Private. How did you get on at the Drs today?

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

I am having a better day today wrongtrouser thanks for your message. I saw the Dr on wed and we increased my meds to 200mg. We had a chat about things and he was really understanding which is good because I find it hard to open up one to one about this. He suggested a few things like getting a diary (organiser) and to write in actual times to do my physio and meditations as when I feel depressed I lose motivation and find it hard to do them and then I feel guilty about it and that I am so pathetic and useless I can't even stick to my physio etc. I know I feel better with the mindfulness too.
He also asked me what I do for myself. There is my activity but I used to do that 4ish times a week and now it's once a week, or perhaps twice. I don't really allow much time for myself. Or to think about what I want. The therapist said I am not being kind to myself alot of the time. They are right. It is hard to find time when looking after the kids and lack of money, time and transport rules out things.
I felt so depressed yesterday I didn't go into work.I love my job but I needed quiet time on my own I think. I had a stinking headache so I just took painkillers, meditated and rested. I actually felt better for it though.
The therapist think I am exhausted because I am not sleeping properly and that is impacting on me.she suggested I write a job list each day of even the basic things like getting the kids up, fed and happy to school with their lunch bags, so I can see what I have achieved.
I just couldn't post the last few days as I was too down. Maybe the meds are helping or maybe I am just having a good day but today is much better.
So glad it's weekend.
I hope you had a good week? Anything planned this weekend?

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

I have felt numb today.I haven't been able to do anything except basic chores. I sat down and stared into space for hours. I am feeling weird. Like I don't deserve to be here. I am relatively fit and healthy and I am wasting my life being depressed when I should be doing things. Spending more time with my family. I feel empty inside right now with no urge to do anything.I know the therapist would say I need to be kinder to myself but I am pissing myself off.

[WrongTrouser]

You sound worn out and low, Private and like you are just exhausted. Is your sleep still not good? It sounds like your dr is very supportive, that's good. The diary planner idea sounds good but don't be over-demanding of what you should get done each day.

I know it was really hard for you to start on the ads, but you are on quite a high dose now. I do think if you are not feeling much better once the increase has had time to work, you should consider trying a different ad, or discuss it with your dr anyway. Some people have to try a few to find what works for them. If you are still finding things so hard, perhaps you need to try different meds.

I hope you get a decent night's sleep. I've had a busy day, lots of chauffering around the countryside - planning a lazy day tomorrow, perhaps some gardening.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

You do love your gardening wrongtrouser :) sounds like me. I love sitting in my garden and listening to the birds and trees blowing in the wind. I find it relaxing. I also love digging up the stubborn bamboo roots!

Yesterday I felt like a burden on my family and friends.

The sertraline has helped alot. Compared to how I felt before I am so much better depression wise and my anxiety has pretty much gone.

I really don't want to try another ad. When people usually take ad's are they supposed to be 100% better? I don't know?

I am still waking early. I get 4 or 5 hours sleep usually. Sometimes I can lie there and relax or drift off and sometimes I am wide awake.
Gotta go as kids need help with homework and are standing over me right now poking me! :)

Have a good day wrongtrouser. I am seeing my friend for a catch up.

[WrongTrouser]

I hope you had a good meet up with your friend Private. I've had a good day - lovely dog walk and in my garden . I am not so fond of the bamboo - we inherited lots in our garden and it is a nightmare to get rid of.

I'm really pleased to hear that you do think the ads are helping a lot, depression and anxiety wise. That is really great. I do think it comes back to you needing to be kinder and more accepting of yourself, as your therapist says.

I think for people who have depression/anxiety, it is not realistic to expect it to be 100% better on ads. Plus, especially on a high dose, there is bound to be some effect on your mind and body of the ads. Perhaps you need to try to change how you view yourself. You are someone with depression/anxiety who is doing really well because you are taking the ads (which was really hard for you to do) and so you are much better. But you still have that "illness" plus you have the effects of the medication. Hopefully one day you will be completely back to normal, but for now you are still getting better and you should try to be kind and accepting to yourself. You might not have the energy to do endless things with your children, and sometimes you might not feel up to talking and socialising. But you are being a really good mother and providing a lovely family for your children. Children love you as you are, don't they? They don't expect or want you to be different. I think as long as you are looking after your children, ensuring they are happy and looked after, you are doing enough for now, and you shouldn't expect yourself to do more.

Perhaps if you thought of your depression/anxiety as like a physical illness, that you are in convalescence from and have to adapt what you can do, for now, it would help you, rather than driving yourself to do more than you are recovered enough to do yet. On top of the mental health issues, you are surviving on very little sleep and have young children. Be kind to yourself.

Hope you have a good day tomorrow Private.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

Thank you for your supportive post wrongtrouser. I had a nice time with my friend. Today has been ok.just going to sleep now as super tired. Take care xx

[Timmytoo]

I'm on Welbutron as an anti depressant and it works with dopamine. I've had no side effects whatsoever at all. Also it's likely to cause weight loss and no weight gain. I was on Sertraline and Prozac etc and I did put on weight - around a stone. Welbutron has worked out for the best.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

Hi wrongtrouser, I think I have had quite a good week.no anxiety which is good.My mood has been ok with the exception of a tearful dip on Tuesday morning. So overall I am better this week. Still not sleeping...... i bought a diary and it has helped a bit but not alot. It just makes me more aware of what I didn't get done.though really I am not stressing about it as I am being kinder to myself. Another job came up but I didn't go for it. I will try next time. I think there may be a position in Sept/Oct.
I hope you have had a good week. I have loved watching/listening to the birds and their babies. I found this great meditation which has noises from an English countryside especially the rustling noise trees make blowing in the wind.take care.

[WrongTrouser]

Glad to hear you have had a good week and that you are being kinder to yourself Private. The meditation sounds lovely. I've had a good weekend - nice, long walk today (bit hot) and lots of enjoying the garden - especially the bumble bees which we have loads of this year. Have a good week Private.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

So, another week gone. My mood has remained level. Not depressed but not 'happy'. Still it is better and an improvement from a week ago. I have found it very hard to be motivated about chores, healthy diet (I eat too much rubbish and often miss dinner) and exercise. I did my activity today. I only did it for 20 mins.
Still not sleeping more than 4 hours a night. Sometimes I drift back off to sleep for another hour or two. My daughter woke at 4.20am. Seriously! I had gone to bed late last night so 3 hours sleep is all I got. Stupid of me really, I should always go to bed early.
Anyway, how are you doing wrongtrouser? So glad the temperature has dropped ands it's not so sweaty.any tips to help motivation?

[WrongTrouser]

Hi Private. Good to hear your week has been okay. I've had a good week and weekend and I'm enjoying the cooler weather too. I think if you did your activity for 20 mins when you are still not sleeping well you should be pleased with yourself. As long as you are doing something active most days, I think you shouldn't expect too much more. I think the food thing is really hard - if I am tired I eat rubbish too. I suppose you can't just not buy rubbish food and just have lots of healthy food in? Possibly not with children and oh. I know with me once it's in the house I have very little will power. Having a fixed early bed time does seem a good idea, esp if the kids are waking you up. Hope you have a good week Private.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

So another week has gone.it's been tough.I have been very ill which is the cause. Mood wise I have been ok and anxiety I have been ok.except for today where I am feeling low and anxious this afternoon but I really think that is because I am so ill. I am going to try to get some sleep now. I am still not sleeping. Will that ever return to normal I wonder?
I had a cbt session earlier this week and the therapist really harshly pointed out my self criticism. She is right of course.I always put myself down.I was feeling lazy as I was so ill I had been told to rest alot. Obviously I am not used to that, I felt like I should be doing more, that I was going to piss my oh off as he had to pick up the slack.the therapist pointed out that when anyone else is ill in my house I take care of them so why can't I accept care when I am ill. She has had this illness and has said it is so debilitating that my body is telling me I absolutely have to rest.Why am I always so self critical she wanted to know. I don't know how it came up but I did tell her about my history (you know the message I had deleted a while ago) and she thinks it is relevant and wants to explore it more next session.
Anyway, I hope you are well? I could just not buy crap food.but I can't stop myself! :) :) you are right though. I should just make sure the things the kids have as treats contain what I am allergic to, then I wouldn't be able to eat it!
Thank you again for being there for me. I have shared so much on here with mainly you and it has really gotten me through some really dark times.

[WrongTrouser]

Hi Private. It's good to hear you find the thread helpful. Glad to be here for you The conversation with your therapist about why you can be harsh with yourself sounds helpful. I hope exploring that goes well next session. Do you have many sessions left? Can you ask for more if you are finding them helpful? Hope you are feeling better physically soon, but it's good that your mood and anxiety have been more stable, even when you've been unwell. I hope your OH was supportive whilst you were unwell? The food thing is such a difficult one. I really, really need to lose weight but am just getting nowhere at the moment. Otherwise I am well though. Have a good week Private.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

Hi wrongtrouser, I think I have two sessions left. I have been ok this week but have been low this afternoon.crying and down.that horrible anxiety in my stomach that something bad is going to happen. I have had a long week and have been recovering well. Still not 100% but better than I was.I guess I do feel tired. The meds for this illness make you sleepy which doesn't help so I am hoping to reduce them next week.not the sertraline.I don't think I am ready to reduce them yet.
Food wise I have been better so I hope that continues.
Speak to you next week.x

[WrongTrouser]

I hope you are feeling better today Private. Well done on doing better with the food, especially whilst still recuperating. I'm trying to get back on my diet to lose some weight. Some days not too bad, but some rubbish. As long as I am heading in the right direction I am happy though. I hope the session with your therapist goes well this week (if it is this week).

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

Hi wrongtrouser, I am glad your scales are going in the right direction! Well done.
I was left very down after my session.probably more down than I have been for a long while. God I am tired of this. I have no words. I will just go to bed as I am in tears.I feel broken. I sometimes feel I can't carry on.

[WrongTrouser]

Hi Private. It sounds like perhaps it was hard talking about some difficult stuff I'm here if you want to chat tonight. If not, hope you get some restful sleep and feel better tomorrow. Take care and talk soon x

[WrongTrouser]

I hope you are feeling a bit better today Private. I know how awful it feels when you feel really down, but you will feel better again. Hope all is okay.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

Thank you wrongtrouser.I do feel a little better today which is good.it is just hard to see an end to the depression. I felt quite fragile today.I actually fell asleep for an hour in the afternoon after work. I never sleep in the day. I had been feeling ill as I am not recovering from this illness as quickly as I had hoped but I am glad I had rest, I obviously needed it.
Going to sleep now, although this is a bit late, I had things to do. I only have one more cbt session left.I am not ready.

[WrongTrouser]

Hi Private. Good to hear you are feeling a bit better. It sounds like your recent illness has really taken it out of you. Have you thought of contacting the people who organise the cbt sessions and requesting some further sessions? Or asking your GP the same? It does sound like you have found your therapist supportive and that she is helping you, and it might be good to have some more sessions with her. Perhaps if you explain how you are feeling at the moment, they might be able to arrange more sessions.

[Privateandconfidentialplease]

I have been feeling a bit better mood wise over the last few days wrongtrouser. Though I reached the end of my feather last night. I think I am just fed up with not being able to do much. I will ask the cbt people and see if I can have some more.I don't know if they will allow more as I did mention it in an email with other stuff and she didn't address that part of the message.
This illness has got me down.I was signed off for two weeks and returned to work on Monday. I had to leave early on two of the days this week and I couldn't go in on Friday as I was too ill.I got new medication Thursday but I haven't felt an improvement yet. As it is quite debilitating it stops me doing alot and my activity is completely out which is frustrating. Well, thinking positively, I am sure I will feel better soon.

[WrongTrouser]

Hi Private. How are you getting on at work this week so far? Is the new medicine for your illness making any difference? It does sound like you have a lot on your plate with your physical health problems on top of everything else. I hope the cbt people are able to let you have some more sessions. When is your appointment?

I hope you are being able to be a bit more forgiving of yourself for what you are/are not able to do whilst you are not feeling so brilliant health wise. I think sometimes it is easier with physical illness to be more accepting of limitations but I think you can sometimes find it hard to just be kind to yourself and accept that your standards/aims will have to slip for a while.

I hope you are looking forward to the summer holidays. My children break up on Friday. We have left all our holiday planning a bit last minute so I need to get it sorted out or we will not be going anywhere.