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Original poster

Not depressed, but feeling pretty low - need a shoulder

14 replies

Rocklover · 27/11/2006 10:43

Hi all, I'm having a bit of a hard time at the moment and I feel pretty crap, I don't think I am depressed but feel quite sad.

I am 32, separated from husband in July and am staying with parents (who are fab, but I still hate it) due to being skint, my husband has bought a new flat and I am left with nothing (long story, not entirely his fault).

I have been dealing with things pretty well, but have hit an all time low this week, first off I feel like a terrible mother, I am good with my DD (nearly 2), but I feel I am not giving her enough as I have no friends at the moment and cannot drive and feel guilty when I have to battle through bad weather when taking her out (buses round here bit crap). I am learning to drive, but this is also making me anxious as I get sooo nervous before each lesson I get an upset stomach and have to take medicene, but I am so despaerate to drive that I can never give up (feel I won't be a "proper" adult until I have passed) the tension is weearing me out.

Also I am trying to find a part time job which is proving quite difficult and as a result I don't have much spare cash either and cannot move forward because of this.

Another problem is that my sister has clinical depression and is going through a REALLY bad phase as she recently had food poisoning and she has had to quit her job as she couldn't cope. She phones Mum up crying at least 2 or 3 times a week and is very unstable. I feel frustrated as there is nothing I can do (she is on ADs and is on the waiting list for counselling) for her, but also feel pressure to try and be "up" for my parents (my Dad is depressed at the moment as he has a medical problem which he is convinced is cancer).

I know all this sounds pretty petty stuff compared to some on here, but all of it is conspiring to make me feel dreadful, the icing on the cake is that I hate the way I look as I need to lose weight, but just cannot seem to keep to a diet. Sorry for the rant, but feeling close to tears today.

OP posts:
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NicJane · 01/12/2006 10:35

You Okay today? keep strong xx

NicJane · 30/11/2006 09:20

Hi Rocklover, How are you today? Thinking of you, and hope you're keeping strong. {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}

NicJane · 28/11/2006 17:15

RL I can assure you that I'm not amazing!!! (Ask my dh!) You sound so strong - your sense of humour isn't squashed, which is great. Go for the uni if you want to - I met dh while I was at uni and had ds2 10 months after graduating!

Original poster
Rocklover · 28/11/2006 14:21

Thanks NJ, you sound amazing! I try to be positive as often as I can, but just snowed under at the moment. One of my main worries is that, because I am 32, it will be unlikely that I will have anymore children, it upsets me alot thinking about this as I really do want more.

Also I worry that by the time I finish uni (if I get that far) I will be around 37, as I don't want to start until DD is at school and also need to do an Access course before hand. I have always been a worrier, but now my brain has gone into overdrive!!!!

Just to make things even easier (lol) DD has decided she no longer wants her nap in the afternoons. Ahh well, what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.

OP posts:
NicJane · 28/11/2006 12:09

Hiya Rocklover
Reading your next post brings back the memories - I wanted to go to university too, so I did! Having been pretty crap at school I stunned the whole family by getting a degree aged 32!!! I also made lots of new friends, which was unexpected cos I thought I'd have nothing in common with all the young students. Surprisingly I wasn't the oldest! There were three single mums on my course and I was the youngest! I also had a fling with a 19 year old which did wonders for my self esteem at the time. Now it makes me feel a bit wierd cos my son is 20 and at uni himself - with a goal of doing better than his mum. I am now a happily (for 11 years) married mother of three (facing a bit of a struggle with news of impendidng hysterectomy - but strong enough to tackle it). Don't fret about no friends (you got us!) - they will come, gradually as you get stronger and more mobile. Take one thing at a time, it sounds like learning to drive is the priority, so leave the rest on standby. No-one can do it all at once. Hang on in there girl! xx

bumbleweed · 28/11/2006 10:29

hey rocklover, you dont feel like it but you are doing great - you are a single parent, learning to drive, looking for work, bringing up your daughter, supporting your close family members with their emotional difficulties, and looking to the future and planning to go to university.

you sound really together and a lovely person, and it is your circumstances which are getting you down

I think I know what you mean when you say how you feel about your appearance is the icing on the cake of crapness. It can really get you down when you know you can lose weight and get back into nice clothes you have, but dont seem to be able to stop eating crappy foods. I am the same.

Is there anything you can do to make some new friends. Do you know any other mums, go to any toddler groups etc? Friends can help so much because just the company and laughing and getting out can take your mind off things and help cheer you up.

Original poster
Rocklover · 28/11/2006 09:42

Thanks NicJane, you made me feel all teary (in a good way) with what you said about being a mother! I do try hard for my daughter (except now as she is watching Cbeebies for the moment - bad mum lol), but I always feel that I am not good enough. This is why I am so desperate to drive and I want to go to university, but all this seems such a mountain to climb...small steps!

OP posts:
Original poster
Rocklover · 28/11/2006 09:38

Feeling a bit better today, but having no friends is the worst thing....got a whole week of boredom stretching before me...too much time to dwell on unpleasant things.

However, I have got my positive hat on today and although I know I have a hard slog in front of me, I know things will get better! Thanks so much ladies, just needed a pick-me-up and I came to the right place!

OP posts:
NicJane · 27/11/2006 20:27

Hi Rock lover
Just read your post and want you to know that it will get better.
My first marriage broke down when I was 28, I had to go back and live with my parents with my 2yo son. I had no money, no qualifications, no job, too much weight AND a younger sister! It took a while but I got there. I wasn't strong, or clever or anything special. I just needed time
Unfortunately there is no magic formula that works for everyone. Never feel you're being petty or selfish - this is the ideal place to have a rant and let out some internal stress.
Some days will be hard, take them slowly, one step (hour, minute whatever) at a time. Count your successes not what you think are failures. Remember what your child needs most is your love. Days out and trips to the park are trivial in comparison. If - at the end of the day - you have fed her, clothed her, kept her (relatively!) clean and told her you love her then you are giving her EVERYTHING she truly needs. You are a good mum. And a brave one. Hang on in there LOL

Gio71 · 27/11/2006 20:26

I feel for you rocklover. Its v hard having to be up for your family when you are feeling low. Must be hard in that sense living back home-my Dad suffers from clinical depression and when he is in a low the whole atmosphere in the house becomes so oppressive and doesnt help if you are feeling down yourself so must be tough with your Dad and sister. Also when you are surrounded with people who are officially depressed it makes you feel as if you are making a fuss about nothing when you feel down which is so wrong. It sounds like you are having a really tough time at the moment. I agree with the advice given-take small steps-maybe decide to tackle one thing first, give yourself small goals so you can feel see results regularly. things will get better I'm sure.

madamechocolat · 27/11/2006 19:10

Hey rocklover, just checking in - how are you feeling now?

Original poster
Rocklover · 27/11/2006 15:34

Thanks for the replies girls, I know things are not desperate, I guess I am just feeling sorry for myself. Every so often I just need to pick myself up, dust myself off and carry on, I guess that is what I am feeling today.

Doesn't help that I have my period either...bloody typical!!

OP posts:
gigwig · 27/11/2006 10:49

Oh hi there, just saw this and wanted to send you some sympathy. You're dealing with such a lot at the moment. You're bound to be feeling pretty crap. Dont really know what to say. Hang in there.

Things will get sorted out for you bit by bit until one day you will realise things are a lot better.

Nearly ten years ago I was like you living at home with my parents after relationship break down, and felt I had nothing - but slowly tihngs got better and started to improve and my life got back together.

Same will happen to you. Honestly.

madamechocolat · 27/11/2006 10:49

Rocklover - you are having to cope with a lot of things at the moment. It's no wonder you are feeling low.... I can't give you any advice other than "take small steps" and try and see all the things you are achieving in difficult circumstances. Is there anyone outside of the family who could support you a little?