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I have a history of depression, and stopped taking citalopram (sp?) three months ago as I felt they were not doing me any good. I'm in counselling but the last few weeks, I've been feeling awful in the morning, full of dread, anxiety etc, my mood goes up and down like a yo yo, for example I'm not feeling so bad today and yet I know I will probably feel low again before the week is out. I've never been overly fond of housework but I've let everything go, no proper routine, sorry for whining, feel so confused.

Ah thanks sleepysooz, would you not consider going back to your gp? seriously the way I see it is I need these tablets, they are the lesser of two evils iyswim. I'm sick of fighting this bloody thing on my own, I've wasted to many days imprisoned in my home, mornings waking up with that horrible dread, anxiety attacks panick etc.

I've just met a new guy and although I don't think it will lead to anything (Mr right for now) It brought home to me how miserable I've been, I think I got myself into such a rut that I came to think of being below par as normal but I'm still a (relatively) young woman and I'm tired of feeling life is passing me by.

Sorry I know I'm rambling a bit but it just feels good to get it out, one of my problems is outwardly I'm all sing all dancing but I'm fed up of the act. Anyway thanks for your post and do please think about going back to your gp and we can help each other along the path together.

MDS - I can't believe you've just posted that, its just the same as how I am feeling, HV coming on Friday to see how I'm coping with the twins, (god knows, what I said to the doctor to warrant that, apart from crying about the lack of sleep)

Have you tried exercise as an alternative to drugs? Lots of research claims it is just as effective...outdoor exercise would probably be best of all

I get loads of exercise, but its in the daytime I suffer, I have classic symptoms of depression in the fact that I feel better as the day goes on, but I have an added obssession disorder (picking skin) so I was being treated accordingly, well I would have if I took the tablets, (prefer to feel rubbish than being ill)

That reminds me, I'll pop into thread later, got to go and get ready for Karate.

I have anxiety.panic disorder, severe clinical depression and I also have the obsessive skin-picking thing, during a bad patch I can disfigure myself quite badly and draw a lot of blood but I still don't seem to be able to stop I recognise some of the things said on this thread about waking up in a state of horrible dread. I used to get panic attacks over and over again while trying to get to sleep, it was like being tortured.

I am on amytriptyline now, it took a few weeks to do anything and I have had the dose increased twice, but it has made a noticeable difference. My GP said he chose it because it works particularly well with anxiety and has a mild sedative effect (you take it in the evenings). In combination with breathing exercises, various herbal teas, exercise and a careful diet, I feel an awful lot better on it than I ever did in the past, although I still have crap patches.

I think it's very common not to want to be on ADs, or to worry about being on them for ever - but really, they are correcting an imbalance which is not your fault. I regard it in the same way as a diabetic needing insulin - depression/anxiety isn't a personality trait, it's an illness, and it can and should be treated.

I hope I haven't repeated anything or offended anyone, I have rambled a bit

GS

MDS - No, you certainly mustn't feel bad for being on ADs. I know what you mean though. I always feel like I have 'achieved' something for coming off them and then hate it when I realise that I really have to go back on them. It takes me a couple of months to accept it and a couple more to get past the 'you failure' stage before I'll go back to my GP.

I'm not doing well at all at the moment. I am beginning to worry about myself if I'm honest. I'm two people; the sane, chatty mother at the school gates and the total nutter who wantd to sit and rock in a chair for hours

Its amazing how we change personality once the front door is shut, that is the most frightening thing, so we can control our depression to a certain degree, I do think people/family can see through it but they don't seem to be able to help out! my family don't even offer to look after the twins when they can blatently see I am distressed, (unless they go around with their eyes shut)!

Thank God for 'Home Start' (voluntary help)

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MDS - well done for carrying on taking tablets through feeling nausea, I couldn't do it looking after 3yo twins and hyper DS1.

Well Done!