once you've have had depression ,is it always there waiting?

[misdee]

i suffer blue spells, not as bad as my PND was, but definatly a lot bluer than before my PND days. do you ever really recover? or is depression, particually PND always there?

I wonder why he isn't keen? Seems odd not to want to check everything possible. The only thing I can think of is that it might be an expensive test. But it's a false economy if you're going on being treated for years when there might be a simple cure with the right diagnosis.

I think there is a difference between depression and PND. For me, I know now that I have always suffered with depression and at various times in my life it has surfaced and at other times it has gone away almost unoticed. (I hope that atm I am entering one such time, and hope and pray that it will be gone for a very long time). As many people have said, it is about learning how to manage it and recognise the signs/symptoms of it approaching to try to ward it off. (I have only recently acknowledged that btw - after practically my whole likfe in denial).

PND, whilst carrying many of the exact symptoms of depression affects people differently. I, for example dont belileve I suffered PND but I did become depressed after my DSs were born.

That may not make any sense misdee, but I hope you can get some sense out of it.

Another one to feel it's always lurking misdee I'm afraid. Was thinking about asking a similar question to yours today. I'm also not sure wether to attribute how I'm feeling to PND (had for about a yr after I had DS) or depression "in general" or wether I should just "pull myself together." (not an option I know, if depressed.) But just feeling blue a lot of the time is a hard slog isn't it?

Just wish I could find something that seems to help ALL the time......seem to be flittlkeg through the months trying 1 thing or another, with only partial success

I had PND for the first time 5 years ago. A complete breakdown, lost my sense of taste, smell, vision. Have very little recollection of that time. It was a huge struggle to come out of it, but I did eventually with the help of lots of meds and terrific support from family.

For a very long time afterwards, although I could see that I was making improvement (slowly but surely, I did often have bad days where I felt I couldn't cope and got quite scared that I was going down hill again. At the time, I did wonder if i would ever be free of it, but eventually I was and have never looked back.

I still go through low patched now (usual ups and downs of life) but no longer feel scared that my depression is comin back.

I think with PND though, it may be slightly different, you can almost rationalise it an know that it is down to hormones and other chemical changes and that there is a goos chance it will disappear,

Misdee, you have so much to cope with that it's not surprising you feel this way. You must feel as if everything stops and starts with you. If I lived nearer to you, I would take you out for the day and force you to let your hair down!

I really wish I could help you more x

Miss Polly - did you also manage to stop medication?

Misdee- really hope today is a lot better for you. Lack of sleep is horrible.

Kizziex

I had pnd with my first who is now 5 but no problems since and I had number 2 two years ago and just had number 3 9wks ago.
I think my pnd was situation was bad timing, quite alot of other things going on in life and massive work pressure before during and after maternity leave. Never really felt baby related as such though I beat myself up over breastfeeding and the difficulties I had with that.
I like to think that I would recognise it (and admit it to myself) earlier and get treatment much sooner (anti-depressants and cognitive therapy did the trick for me as well as taking the stressful things out of my life). I have always been positive though, never thought I would be bound to get it because I had it with my first.

I had mild pnd with dd and have had 1 depressive attack since but handled it much better as I knew what I was up against. I could have had antenatal depression this time round but I saw it coming and luckily for me was able to ward it off. I know this is not the case for everyone.

well i went to bed at a reasonable time last night. but dd1 woke me up at 3am, then dd2 joined in screaming at 5am. so i am still shattered and its making me feel sick and headachey.

Sounds awful misdee, hope you get some sleep tonight!

Haven't read the whole thread Misdee but re your first post I'd say no, depression isn't always there.

I'm sure you've noticed on the boards I have a 'survivor' zeal when it comes to depression and can bore for England, but I always try to be honest with myself. I think the blues can always be pending, but that's how it is for everyone. As you'll know from PND, depression occurs when you can't pull yourslef out of it and your brain begins to play tricks on you.

You've been through, and are going through a hell of a lot. But a 'slip' as you call it is not a catastrophy. It's actually your body/mid telling you that you need to take care, like physical pain, it's a sign that something is under stress, and it alerts you to pay it some attention. Big problems start when you try to ignore the signs.

If you feel you need help, then get it: that is actually the strongest most sensible thing you can do. If it's ad's to help you over a hump, howere long that may be, then so be it. They do not stop you feeling, or turn you into a different person; in my experience they allow you to be yourself and to function as yourself while you address the stresses of problems that need to be, in your case, simply managed.

I'll stop now...take care Misdee x

MT, i have had periods over the last hellish year of thinking i am going mad again. (these will be the times when i dont actually come online, i can only post about feeling blue, not going mad, if that makes sense). its like i cant do a thing to get ,yself out of it, i have to physically drag myself out of bed in the mornings, the kids nag me to get them breakfast, and really i am just going through the motions, but i am not there. the days/weeks etc all blur together, a whole day will pass and i wont have a clue, i wander round aimlessly. its hard to describe, but its mroe than feeling blue, but not as far into the haze of PND that i was, because back then i couldnt get out of it, and it took me months and months to 'recover', 3 different types of AD's as i couldnt get on with them, and then a year of st johns wort.

Misdee, i have nothing but admiration for you, I have no idea how you cope and I'm sure you don't sometimes but you have to know that there's no shame in that.

Which ad's were you on? I know that your state of mind can actually help or hinder the way you respond to them. I've 'spoken' to you briefly before, asking if you may be suffering from depression (of whatever degree) and you didn't seem to want to go there so I didn't press you.

I think a stigma still pervades; in a previous generation any admission of such 'weakness' and we'd be in danger of loosing our kids and been carted off to the asylum. The way I see it is that we are lucky enough now live in a time when we can be alieved of the worst effects of depression. They are not 'happy pills'. They simply help us through very difficult periods of natural human frailty.

Talking would probably help you, but I get the feeling that you wouldn't have the time for that.

You can at least talk to your GP again, and try to give yourself a break...and if you are afraid of the stigma then nobody but 'us' need know.

i'm not depressed now, but am considering the st johns wort again to give me a boost really.

io was proscribed prozac, citrolpram (?) and one other which i cant recall. i suffered tremors with the prozac, threw up with the one i cant recall, but the citrolpram(?) worked well though did make me more tired and sleepy.

I also have the added problem of frequent insomnia. which makes things worse. i used to take herbal nytol, which worked enough to enable me to get some sleep, but dont really want that right now.

add to the fact i am 'on call' now 24/7, (arranging more hours so i get one long afternoon a week to myself) no wonder i feel a bit loopy lol.

but right now, its more down in the dumps than depression IYKWIM.

Misdee - just wanted to add that I think its incredible just how much you DO cope with everything.
Hope you managed to get some sleep last night.
Your description of your bad days sounds very familiar to me.
And Monkeytrousers thanks for your experience - one day I hope to get to that stage when I feel that i can control the depression and panic - rather than it control me.
Kizziex

You know misdee? I ask myself that same question all the time.
I came off citalopram in the summer because I forgot to take it on holiday. (I know, so don't groan)
Soem days are great but some days I feel really really low. Low in a way I feel I never had the capacity for before IYSWIM.

I became tired on ad's but it did eventually pass. The thing is, if you go back on citrolpram, even though you describe yourself as down in the dumps and not sad, and it helps, then what's the harm done? If it doesn't help, stop.

Thanks Kizzie, and good luck.

Misdee - back to your original question...
I think there is a big difference to what you are going through now and 'depression'.

You are going through so much that feeling low and under pressure is 'normal'. I dont know anybody who could cope with all you have to without being affected.

On the opposite end of the scale my life is really quite good at the mo. Part time job/ supportive husband/ no real money worries/ nice friends. Yet I am paralysed many days with depression. There is absolutely no reason for it and there is nothing i can 'fix' (or wish i COULD fix) to make it go away. This makes me feel so ashamed because I know that I am very very lucky - but it doesnt make it go away.

I dont mean in any way that you shouldnt seek treatment (and take AD's if they will help)because I cant imagine just how horrble things are for you - but I just think you shouldnt criticise yourself for feeling this way - anybody else would in the same circumstances.

Sorry - Im sure Im not making any sense. But I really hope youve had a better day.
Kizziex