Please help me I feel like the worst mother in the world

[theshrimp]

Today i went out for a lovely day with some very dear friends who I haven't seen for a long time. DS (6) was really cheeky and rude to me all day and this has been happening such a lot recently. Nothing I do or say seems to make any difference. I was so embarressed and totally wound up that he had ruined my day and then I did possibly the worst thing in the world.
In the car driving home i tried to get him to see what he had done wrong and as I got no reaction I told him that he should pack his case and try and find somewhere else to live as I had had enough. He was justifiably upset and I was upset too but glad that he was showing a reaction for once.
I can't believe that I have acted in such a bullying and cruel way to my own child.
We made up when we got home but I said if he behaves like that again i will stop the car on the way home and drive off without him.
I love him more than anything but he is driving me crazy.
I am scared by my own actions. I wouldn't ever put him in danger but I feel I am such a bad mother for having these feelings.
I feel worse when i am with mums that seem to have such untroubled relationships with their children. It makes me feel like never mixing with others.

Aww, Shrimp. You need a lift, too. Is there anything you could do together that both of you would like? Cinema? Go out for pizza?
Also, have you rung the GP yet?

I have rung the GP and have an appointment on Friday.
I have spent an hour doing craft with him at the kitchen table and that was OK. He is acting like nothing has happened.
I would love to go out for Pizza/cinema but I feel a bit emotionally fragile at present. i want to stay at home. i don't know why.

the shrimp, that's good you've got the appointment. If you don't want to talk the GP through how you're feeling, print out the thread. by the way I don't believe the episode you describe is in any way unusual, we all feel like this from time to time (well I do), but maybe you could do with some support/another perspective. Esp since you're coming off ADs atm.

DS is acting as if nothing has happened because he's forgotten about it, or knows he was being vile and that he provoked you. He knows you love him.

I think what has upset me most about what I have said to him is that your parents are the ones who love you unconditionally and by saying what I did, I have undermined everything good I have ever said to him or done for him in the last 6 years. How is he ever going to trust me again?
And also the good feeling it gave me to say these horrible things at the time. . . This is how bullies operate and I am horrified by myself.

Oh honey, you've got this waay out of proportion. I promise you, no lasting damage will have been done. It sounds as if you're getting on OK today; would it make you feel better to go back over the incident, explaining again that you are very sorry for what you said, and that it makes it very difficult for you when he plays silly buggers? (or words to that effect)

Your reaction was pretty normal. Brooding on it for ages is not. Forgive yourself, or if you really find you're stuck on this, tell the GP.

We just popped out to the supermarket. He nagged me for a cake, i gave in and that was the end of the incident.
Then, heartbreakingly, turned to me in the car and said "mummy, am I going to have to pack my suitcase when I get in?"
i explained that i had said this yesterday because I no longer wanted to spend my life with a rude child who spolit every day out by misbehaving. I didn't back down and backtrack on what I had said yesterday.
Maybe I'm just as childish as him.
Bakedpotato - you are right, I am a terrible brooder and stew for ages over things.

ok

enoguht nnow
thsi sis enouigh
you ened to reassure him htings are ok

Yes reassure him now - he was looking for reassurance when he asked that.

Glad you are seeing your GP on Friday. Please be as direct and honest with him/ her as you have been with us