Bipolar support thread?

[Crawling]

Ive noticed there are quite a few of us and thought maybe a thread for us would be good. All are welcome those diagnosed and those awaiting diagnosis.

Ill start with Ive been depressed so long now I dont remember how I used to feel, yet id still prefer this to mania as the havoc I reaked last time was very painful to clean up after my episode. If I had to chart my mood today between 1-10 1 being I cant think how to make a cup of tea and 5 being good 10 being the tv is talking to me and I must go out now im about a 3 today what about you guys?

[Crawling]

Doctorwhofan I feel exactly the same about my dp he is the only one who has stuck by me through the episodes and previous partners have either abused me to punish me for my mania or just walked.

It means so much that hes still here.
Im feeling quite down today mostly because I need to get a statement for my severly autistic dd but Whats really getting me is that I stupidly trusted HCP. Dd was supposed to start school in September but the school said they couldnt meet her needs so Ive been begging for information on getting her in a special school and only found out Friday (off mnet)in order to guarantee her a place I need a statutory assessment which takes 26 weeks which means it probably wont be ready by Sept. No HCP and we see many bothered to tell me.

To top it off its half term so I have to wait a week to start it. I just keep kicking myself I should of looked harder into how to do this but I just stupidly thought that HCP would advise on the best way. Feel like such a rubbish mum.

[Crawling]

Also pissed at myself because I spent so much time getting dla sorted when I could of been using it to get a statement which was more important and feel like I should of focused on school not bloody money.

I just thought shed automatically get what she needed.

[CajaDeLaMemoria]

Hi everyone...

Sorry for just disappearing. I called the crisis team and they weren't very fast to respond, so I ended up falling asleep.

I felt a bit calmer when I woke up this morning, but then our house was broken into while I was upstairs. They kicked the door in so I barricaded myself into my bedroom...the police got here in time, and the kind police lady sat with me for a few hours because I was so shaken. I've cried all afternoon but I think I'm out of tears now, I've got such a headache.

I'm waiting for the crisis team again, in the hope that they will actually be able to help me. This feels like a vicious downwards spiral.

Crawling and DoctorWhoFan...I hope you feel better soon. It's meant a lot that you understand, so I am very grateful.

[Crawling]

Caja Im so glad to see you back but how terrifying that must of been for you how are you feeling about it now? I hope the police caught them.

[funnymum71]

I have ups and downs with my DH, but I can't knock how supportive he's been of me over the last few years. I'm horrible to him when I'm ill, but he sticks it out. He does all of the mornings with the children as I'm so zonked on my meds first thing and he deals with the children when I just can't.

Caja - that sounds horrendous and scary. I'm glad you're OK and the police helped. Do you know if they've caught them?

Crawling - My DS has ASD and we went through all of the same stuff. As your DD is about to start school, they can push through assessment and statementing. Most LEAs have a parent partnership rep - try and get in contact with them as they can help you get the statementing pushed through.

[Crawling]

Thank you so much funnymum that is really helpful, coincedently my dd has ASD to.

[Crawling]

Oops I already said she had ASD in my previous post .

[Bunfags]

Caja, how terrible for you, but I'm glad you came out of it unscathed. What Crawling said, are you OK now?

DoctorWhoFan, Is there any chance of changing meds? It's a pita, but the quetiapine sounds rough. It's a shame that so many meds have these horrible side effects.

Crawling, when you beat yourself up, it's the illness talking. It sounds like you're busy and under stress, but coping brilliantly.

Funnymum, I feel sorry for DP. I am a complete nightmare at the moment and worry I'll drive him away.

I'm feeling very paranoid today and think everyone hates me and that I'm a crap person. Still, I'm feeling better than I was a couple of weeks ago.

Thanks so much for this thread everyone.

[funnymum71]

Crawling. I've been through the whole school / statement / DLA stuff with my DS over the last few years. My best friend turned out to be the chap from Parent partnership as I just didn't know what I was doing. If your DD already has a diagnosis then it should make it easier to get the statement sorted. In my area they give priority to kids who are about to start school, so don't panic too much about not having one yet and the time it takes.

Caja - I can really sympathise with feeling worried about your DP. Its especially hard when you're feeling down and paranoid, but I am sure that you are still loveable even if you don't believe it yourself.

[Crawling]

Thanks bunfags and funnymum funbags I often write how I feel and then compare it in a few weeks as it helps to know im getting better not worse. Its good that you can look back and see that just because your still ill doesnt mean you are not a bit better.

Funnymum as im sure your aware having a sn child is bloody hard work let alone when you have your own illness to monitor. I really am grateful for your advice about parent partnership.

[Crawling]

I keep mixing your name up bunfags im very sorry I keep thinking it right then type the wrong thing

[Bunfags]

Thanks Crawling. I can't remember much of the recent episode, but I have to laugh at sleepwalking on the olanzipine. Feeding Dick Turpin and his horses under my coffee table ffs. How random. I don't remember it, but DP does! I am still considering the Quetiapine, even though I'm starting to feel better.

You know how it is when you're low, torturing yourself with all the things you've done wrong and feeling as though things will never get better, that I'm a shit mum and a shit partner. Like people would be better off if I wasn't here - although not actually suicidal iyswim. It would be nice to stop that. Will antipsychotics help do you think? Thanks again for the sad box idea.

Having a SN child sounds like very hard work. I only have one teenage DC, so I think you two are superwomen.

Don't worry about the name Crawling. I may change it soon, as bunfags sounds too much like funbags. Funbags is abit ick.

[TheDeathOfMirage]

Definiatly getting better. I don't feel so tired anymore. But I guess that is just getting better:). No strange thoughts either :). Last time I started to feel better I started to get strange thoughts, which almost got out of hand. "Luckily" I got depressed again.

When I am hypomanic I tend to do dangerous things, because I think I am some sort of super(wo)man. I also get grandiose thoughts, but I have never overspent or shopped until I dropped.

[Crawling]

Bunfags anti pyschs have definetly helped me id give them a try there are so many you should be able to find one that suits you. Can I ask what dose of olanzapine were you on?

TheDeathOfMirage Im glad you feel better I hope you dont start having strange ideas .

[DoctorWhoFan]

It's hard to say whether antipsychs gave helped me. Although I feel so numb at the moment I have no idea if my mood has improved, though I'd hazard a guess at no, as I was crying all over my DP last night when he got home from work saying I was a terrible person and he should leave me...

[DoctorWhoFan]

They knock me out cold at night though...and most of the rest of the day unfortunately!

[Crawling]

Doctorwhofan I would ask for a different one because mine doesnt leave me drowsy as long as I have 8-10 hours. You might react better to a different one.

[Bunfags]

TheDeathOfMirage, I'm glad you're feeling better, just be wary of going too high! Do you get disturbed sleep at first? If so, you can have zopiclone for a couple of nights to sort you sleep out and that can nip it in the bud.

DoctorWhoFan, I'm seriously considering the antipsychs. Unless I'm severely depressed, my mind tends to race, but not in a good way, I feel very gnarly. The depression is kind of gone, but I have been having the worst cigarette cravings today and I feel so angry. It's one of those days where everything enrages you. You were saying about rage Crawling. I get it more often that I'd like. I just have to seclude myself otherwise I might snap at people.

I'm not talking to DP, because I'm convinced that he hates me and wants me to piss off. On top of it all, I ran out of lamotrigine the day before yesterday and forgot to order a repeat prescription. I'm going to have to go without until Tues next week. Doh! Tbh I think the old bipolar is a little out of control after the Champic incident. Forgetting my meds won't help either. I don't know whether I'm coming or going at the moment.

Crawling, I think I had 20 mg of olanzapine. I'm wondering if Quetiapine might be calming.

[TheDeathOfMirage]

Bumbags:Thanks for warning but I have lately only got depressions and mixed states. The last hypomania was six years ago. At the moment I feel energetic and jolly but at the same time bad. The bad feeling is anxiety, I assume. Sleeping ok, too.
Interesting you mentioned mind racing when not depressed. I have had twice now a period of bizarre thoughts and some hallucinations. I feel fine but then those thoughts came up. They get stronger and weirder, then suddenly I got depressed again. When depressed I think clearly. After some weeks of depression of different levels I got better and the thoughts came back. A depression followed. Now I think I am fine.

[GoddessofSuburbia]

Hi guys! Sorry to hear everyone is feeling rather crap- not wanting to gloat, but I've leveled out, thank god. I still have tiredness, and the remains of a neurochemistry headache, but I'm ok now.

Bunfags, I'm really worried you've not had lamotrigine for several days already, and not going to be able to get some until next week. You really need to get some. If you can't get a full repeat script, go to the pharmacy you usually use, taking the box with you. They should be able to give you enough of an emergency supply to tide you over. Obviously, you need to take it from a controlling your illness point of view, but also from a physical pov too. I don't mean to scare you, honestly, but lamotrigine is an anticonvulsant drug. Even if you don't normally have seizures, stopping it suddenly can sometimes cause a seizure. Please go to your GP, pharmacy, or even out of hours if need be- you won't be making an unnecessary fuss; they will take it seriously. If you leave it until next week, you'll also need to titrate back up to your regular dose again, in the same way you did when you first started it otherwise you run the risk of all the nasties you were probably warned about.

I'm so sorry if I've scared or stressed you out. It's just that's what my psych and pharmacist told me when I started taking lamotrigine, and it's also what I was told when I was studying pharmacology- I'm a nurse.

[TheDeathOfMirage]

Thanks for Lamictal info GoddessofSuburbia. I did stop it straight from 200 mg to zero by myself... I had been mentally stable for a year (and was three years afterwards). But I probably would have stopped it differently if knowing what you told.

I feel happy but at the same time I have this heavy bad feeling.

[Bunfags]

Thanks for your advice GoddessofSuburbia. I get my lamotrigine from the dispensary at my GP's. If you cock up ordering your repeat prescription it's tough tits. I'll just have to muddle through until I get the repeat script and titrate back up.

I can't believe it, I've been so good with my meds for ages now.

[Crawling]

Bunfags 20 is quite a high dose its sais on the leaflet its the max recommended so perhaps asking for a low to middle dose of a different anti pysch would help without loads of side effects. Also were you gradually tapered on e.g 2.5 then 5 then 7.5 and so on?

The reason I ask is my pychiatrist sais when people are started on a high dose straight off they get more side effects so he always introduces a new med slowly as people are more likely to tolerate it then.

[Bunfags]

Crawling, a member of the crisis team said it was a high dose of olanzepine, but I think they just wanted to knock me out so I wasn't a danger to myself. The crisis team brought it round for me. I took it just the once and then didn't take it again because of the sleep walking. They offered me the Quetiapine after that, but the experience with the olanzepine put me off taking it.

[TheDeathOfMirage]

argh. I got yesterday letter that I have psych meeting next friday. My oh usually gives me lift. This time he had decided to go business trip on that day one hour before the post arrived.. The trip involves several people so he can't cancel it anymore. Why on earth they inform about the appointments so late? This was a routine appointment and had been scheduled weeks ago. My last one was two months ago, and now the next one is not going to be anytime soon.