Glad to hear you're doing better Nanbana :)
Gingeme I was started on 20 mg like others so it sounds like you're not alone!
Shmohawk I ask myself that too, all the time. I remember being painfully shy in my early teenage years and so much happier in my own company than with anyone else. I experienced proper depression in my early 20s, and have since tried to battle it with food, booze, ADs, exercise, you name it! I had a year of counselling in my 20s which was helpful, but didn't turn things around permanently.
I feel very similar to the poster on another thread running at the moment. Apathy and inertia sums me up. Just no joy at being alive (not suicidal though). I work myself into such a panic at socialising as I feel I've nothing to offer. I work at home so it's very easy to isolate myself. Thankfully I have a dog which gets me out, I have to take him out! Weirdly I generally have no trouble chatting to people in passing, it's proper friendships (even long-standing ones) that I'm struggling with at the moment.
For the past year, I have just checked out of my life and hidden myself away.
I do think I will always be prone to being depressed, it's been many years, but the pit I've sunk into now is far deeper and has gone on for too long without any relief.
Sorry for huge post ! I am getting chinks of light in my mood the past week, I hope that that is the citalopram beginning to work its magic :)
Hope you all have a peaceful and content weekend xx