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Mental health

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Original poster

cant get over being left, and being a single parent...

30 replies

howlowcanigo · 12/04/2006 14:39

partner left last july, and i dont seem to be able to get over it, it was obviously worse at first and recently have started to feel slightly better, but i still think about it all the time, and think about him and her and the great life they seem to be leading, and i feel so low,

Few people have seen them together recently and she is tall, slim, nice long hair etc, and it makes me feel so low,to think how attrctive she is, (although i know looks arent everything)

The weekends i find very hard and i havent a clue how i will get through this long weekend ahead, i work in the week so that seems to go by nicely but the weekends are awful, unless its payday and we can afford to go to farm etc,

I have been considering going to gp, but dont know if there is a magic pill i can take to make me feel better, it is a constant dark cloud over my life, i want to be able to get over him and move on from it, he has!!!!!!

OP posts:

overdraft · 12/04/2006 14:43

Don't know what to say and wished i could make it better for you.Weekends are so lonley on your own arn't they.Have you ever thought of joining Gingerbread.They are a club run by single parents with children.They arrange social events for all the family and adult evenings

overdraft · 12/04/2006 14:46

here \link{http://.gingerbread.org.uk\it is} might be one near you honey

overdraft · 12/04/2006 14:47

www.gingerbread.org.uk/ sorry didn't work you will have to paste it

Original poster

howlowcanigo · 12/04/2006 14:48

thanks i shall have a look, we do get out swimming etc, but most places will be closed this sunday?

OP posts:

overdraft · 12/04/2006 14:48

park or cinema???

overdraft · 12/04/2006 14:52

Go rent some family d.v.ds some sweeties and a bottle of wine and have a film day.Can children have friends around for day.Just so you get some contact with others.My dad walked out on my mum at 36 and she met her new partner at gingerbread .Then my dads partner walked out on him and he met his wife there.You never know you could find love there too.Most important it will give you support.How old are your children?

Original poster

howlowcanigo · 12/04/2006 15:01

just submitted details to gingerbread but it may take a month to process,
ill search and see if there is a local group, thanks for advice,
My children are 8 and 2,
Think ill make gp appointment,which i have done before when i feel really low but then it comes to the day and i fel better so i chicken out and make something up.
Just thought i would be feeling better by now, guess it doesnt help when i see his life moving on nicely, buying new house etc...

OP posts:

overdraft · 12/04/2006 19:58

Hi sorry i have been out.
How are you feeling now.You know time is a good healer as they say.It was only in July last year i would say that is still very raw.It must be difficult for you and i can't begin to imagine what you are going through.
I split with my husband briefly in July last year to,after he had an affair.We are together now and i still can't come to terms with it.
Thats how i know weekends are crap on your own.It always seems like couple time or family time.You know it will get better,you are young and you have your good times to come again.I hope you find some comfort going to gingerbread.
Go to gp to and get some help.Don't chicken out and think about the bad days when you are there.
Can you get a sitter? find some single mums up the school maybe?

Original poster

howlowcanigo · 13/04/2006 14:54

thanks for your time overdraft, i remember what you went thorough, and yes it must be hard to continue in the relationship after the affair, but if it's what you both want then it has got to be worth saving...

I am a regular but i have name changed, (i know people dont like it but hey ho)

Have been busy today, swimming this am then, easter hunt this afternoon, and i have made gp appointment for later today, so hopefully i wont chicken out and make up another random problem..

I know i need help in some sort of way but i dont know what that way is, I am fine when we are out doing things but then get home and the cloud returns, when all i want is the house to be the happiest place where we are, not the place where i dread being,
thanks for your support overdraft

OP posts:

winnie · 13/04/2006 15:02

howlowcanigo, I completely sympathise about weekends, especially holiday time. It is horrid if stuck in alone with the children and if out one seems surrounded by 'happy families'.

As for what she looks like; please stop beating yourself up... he isn't worth it.

Imho I think it might be worth going to the drs. It does take a long time to get over a relationship breakup but 9 months a "constant dark cloud" sounds slightly worrying. You may be clinically depressed and if you are your GP may be able to help.

Do you have any close friends near by?
How supportive are your family?

I have been through this and I know how much it hurts. You must look after yourself, for yourself, but also remember your children need you.

Maybe try doing small things for you. Small things that raise your self esteem. Stop concentrating on him and her and think of you :)

winnie · 13/04/2006 15:03

sorry I read your first post and not your last. Glad you are going to see the GP. Take care :)

fairyfly · 13/04/2006 15:09

I remeber after being a single mother for a year wondering what was up with me as i still cried about him and the position, all of it really.

3 years down the line i really don't care anymore, but i do wish i hadn't been so hard on myself thinking i was weak because i couldn't get over it.

It takes a hell of a long time and everytime you feel low you will come back bigger and brighter, part of the healing process.

All the work and suffering you do now will deem well for the future, you will have rid all of the demons from the entire shit time. Now i'm not so emotionally involved i can view the past with better persective. It really doesn't matter if she was beautiful, it really doesn't matter if they are incredibly happy.
What matters is you, be selfish, indulge yourself and find your place where you buzz and thrive. Then all the bastards who try to f up your life can live their slefish lives.

I promise if you really want to be you can be happy again, once you let go things will fall into place, just have patience. It can take years.

Sorry if im rambling, two large glasses of wine at lunch.

Next time i'll try and be more eloquent.

Original poster

howlowcanigo · 13/04/2006 15:12

thanks winnie for taking time to post your words of advice, i know i need to do somethingm in the week i work part time, and the days seem to go by nicely with the routine we, have , and to be honest it has kept me going so much so that since it happened the only holiday i have had from work was xmas, so i now have loads left over, because i have needed to go to work, and i just dread the weekends, this one particulary being long one,

I am going to gp today but feel a bit worried saying about it in front of oldest dd who is 8 because i know i will be limited in what i can say in front of her, but dont have anyone to have the girls,

I do have good friends and family but there is only so much i can say to them and keep boring them with the details,

I thought i would be feeling better by now, but it so hard when i see his life moving along nicely, and it constantly occupies my mind, and i so badly wish it wouldnt...

OP posts:

Original poster

howlowcanigo · 13/04/2006 15:16

thankyou fairy fly, for your words that make so much sense, i really appreciate them,

Dont know what to expect from gp but i am going to force myself to go, ideally i would like some councelling on the NHS, but i dont know if they can give you a prescription for that,
Thanks again for you thoughts

OP posts:

winnie · 13/04/2006 15:24

Ask the dr if your daughter can sit out with the receptionist whilst you go in.

I agree with ff that actually it does take a long, long time and when one is in the throws of it one thinks it will never end. I also think that knowing that other people break up and get over it instantly (or so it seems) makes one feel week. However, what it means is that your relationship really meant something to you.

When I broke up with dd's Dad 13.5 years ago it was a mutual decision but it probably took me 3 years to get over it ending and when I look back at diaries I can't believe how unhappy I was because even then I knew we shouldn't be together and now I absolutely cannot see what I was evr doing with him ... I did what you are doing; spent as much time out of the house as possible; surrounded myself with peopel as much as possible. It is as if one is afraid of simply being at home, alone facing what has happened. What is the worse thing that can happen now? As far as your relationship is concerned it has happened. The worse thing has happened and although you don't feel like it youa re coping. It will get easier. One day you will not wake up and think about it but until that day comes I often think faking happiness can be the first step to feeling happy (a bit l ike standard advice on faking confidence). You will get there. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

winnie · 13/04/2006 15:26

winnie, you could go to relate for counselling. They do counsel people after a break up and they take into account circumstances. If you are on a low income this is taken into account and you can make an offer of an amount you can afford.

winnie · 13/04/2006 15:26

why did I just put winnie? I am having a funny five minutes sorry howlowcanigo

Original poster

howlowcanigo · 13/04/2006 15:39

Thanks winnie, you talk so much sense, trying to get hold of someone to have dd's, while at gp.

I have tried relate but they were very funny about me not being able to afford the full ammount, and werent very helpful to be fair, might have to try them again if no joy at gp's

OP posts:

manitz · 13/04/2006 15:42

Hi I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I've not been through it but I know someone who has and recommended \link{http://www.oneparentfamilies.org.uk\these people}

I can only talk from my (previously) slightly depressed single state and say that the way I got around loneliness was through renting several friends dvds, a bottle of wine and fave chinese as recommended below. hth in some way.

Original poster

howlowcanigo · 13/04/2006 15:47

thanks for that manitz, i shall look at that website at work, some of my webpages are ok, but some the writing is to small to read, the girls must have pressed something on computer and i dont know how to correct it,

Thanks for taking time to post

OP posts:

winnie · 13/04/2006 15:48

Your experience with relate is not how its supposed to be at all. Maybe they are different depending on areas.

Good luck at the GP's.

Original poster

howlowcanigo · 13/04/2006 15:56

I know my mum phoned them back and moaned at them said i was lone parent, and get family credit etc, but it put me off to be honest.

OP posts:

overdraft · 13/04/2006 16:05

I'll be thinking of you this weekend and hope the doctors goes ok. Hugs to you and the girls X

Original poster

howlowcanigo · 13/04/2006 16:13

thank you all very much, just managed to get hold of my friend, who is having girls for me, so i shall be able to say more to gp. (fingers crossed)

and goodness knows what i would have done over the last few months if mumsnet hadnt been invented!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

winnie · 13/04/2006 20:32

howlowcanigo, how did your visit to the GP go?

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