Mum - Alzheimers - going going gone...

[TheGoddessBlossom]

Hi

Sure this has been done before to death.

Feel like today has been a bit of a milestone in that I, rather than my Dad, or my sisters (2) or the woman that comes to shower and dress her in the mornings, have had to clean my mum up after she has pooed herself and it has unleashed a bit of a floodgate.

She was diagnosed a year ago with Alzheimers but in the last 4 months has gone so downhill se is now a vegetable to all extents and purposes. I look for my mum but I can't find her. I wash and style her hair, I try and suggest she wears something other than the one sainsburys cardigan she loves (Mum finally found fashion at 40 and was a calorie counting, fashion, salon queen).

She is lost. My Dad is her carer pretty much so he is lost. Dresses her, reminds her how to eat, and wipes her arse. Not the retirement he had in mind.

He will get more help, then she'll be in home.

I, and my sisters, miss our mum. I am so so so sorry my boys will never know their witty, clever, funny, glamourous grandmother.

Shit shit shit and double shit.

I have told DH that I will be dead before it happens to me.

So Mum has started attacking Dad more and more and got taken into residential care this morning. So there you go. My mum is in a home. Never coming home.

Oh TGB there are no words.

So .

TGB - I don't know if you're still checking this thread, as it's a month old now, but just in case...I really do understand what you're going through, so sorry to read about your mum.

I am in a very similar situation to you, except my mum lives in Australia, so I don't get to see her very often. She's 65 and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's when she was 57. I'm 40 and have a 17 month-old DD, who will never know her lovely granny, and granny will never know DD.

We visted mum recently. She's still at home, being cared for by her amazing husband. I don't think I could do it. She is incontinent, cannot do anything at all for herself and really just sits on the sofa all day, sometimes looking at tv, but not understanding what it is. She can barely stand by herself and has to be led everywhere like a child. She has virtually no speech left and wouldn't be able to say anything comprehensible anyway.

My step-father will be looking at arrangements for permanent residential care soon as it's just getting too hard for him. He's only 53, he has virtually no life either.

It's harder when your friends and even relatives can't really understand what you're going through and just how hideous this disease is. I have been feeling very low since we got back from the trip. Sometimes I try just not thinking about it. I worry about getting it myself as well and drive myself mad thinking about that.

Hope you and your dad and family are coping OK xx

Bless you all, you shoul be getting 3 to 4 times a day carers coming in?what about day care?and respite this is all given and there is dementia care provided see your GP also attendance allowance extra money is always helpfull and your mum should be getting it helps with new clothes night dresses etc outings with your dad or even your dad to get out in a taxi for a few bits and bobs?jump into mums world if she is looking for her mum say shes fine and she will be up the next day she will forget,its hard I know I had my mum for 4 years bless her I miss her but its horrible and when they do not know who you are or where they are?respite can be given and looking ahead to Long term Nursing care and yes its hard but sometimes its got to be done see a social worker ask your Mums GP and all this can be arranged and you should be talking to people in the same situation it helps knowing you are not alone your mum she is just like going into her second childhood bless her just be there and keep her warm fed and put on cartoons things that children would like drawing with craons a doll to play with if it makes her happy then you are happy !bless you all

I lost my grandmother to it.... it was horrendous watching her disintegrate, every visit she was worse

My dad is probably going to go the same way within a few years (every single family memeber for generations on that side has died of it) and I expect it'll be my turn one day... except that dp has been ordered to let me go humanely when it happens... the thought of living through what i watched her suffer is too horrendous.

SummerRain

TGB - I am sorry.

I am dreading Christmas with a Dad who's had a personality change due to dementia, and has turned into a complete pig.

There are still glimpses of the Dad I remember. But, even when he is not being horrible, he will be asking the same questions, over and over, all day long. I need to try and find a way to find that funny instead of exasperating.

Dementia must be so hard to live with. I work as a carer and hope that I provide some support for families going through this.

Unwind is there anything you can think of that your dad might still get some enjoyment out of e.g. listening to music, doing a jigsaw puzzle? Sometimes it helps because then they can live in the moment and it gives you a break from the questions.

Horrible, Terrible, Awful, Disease

thanks orangeflutie - those are good suggestions, I'll buy him a jigsaw and a CD of music from his youth

I've never seen him do a jigsaw, but it is worth trying!