Six months postpartum and considering a second baby, how to decide?

[jellystargirl]

When is too soon to know I am ready for baby no. 2? I’m 6 months postpartum and have loved every second. I was about 6 weeks pp the first time I thought about wanting another and have thought about it non-stop since. I originally thought I would want to wait 2/3 years before having another and really want to soak up every moment with baby no. 1, but I now regularly find myself considering 2 under 2. How do I know if this is just hormones/baby fever or if it is actually what I want? Scared to make the wrong decision either way!

I have a 2 year age gap (had an oopsie a couple of months after DS turned 1) and can I just remind you that the tiny cute baby is going to be crawling and then walking, getting into everything and having no sense of self preservation... You don't want to be dealing with that on top of morning sickness etc. Furthermore, you will have two babies who will desperately need you at the same time and you won't be able to split yourself into two.

I'd strongly recommend you wait at least 9/12 months, if for no other reason than to find your body a chance to recuperate.

Hi,
Congratulations!
My DD2 is 16 months younger than my DD1 and my DD3 is 16 months younger than my DD2! So I was 8 months pp when I got pregnant with DD2 and 8 months pp when I got pregnant with DD3.
It's hard but I don't regret it 😍

Second pregnancy is soooo much harder. You're trying to juggle not being sick on your toddler's head while trying to catch the odd nap (which never happens, so you're exhausted). Otherwise, two under two is fine until the second starts moving. Then it all goes to shit for a year. Then they play nicely.

I'd wait a bit longer. You've found having a tiny baby great, but haven't reached mobile baby stress, toddler stage etc yet, which many of us find far more difficult. I'd wait a year - 18m personally. I had the same thought as you btw and am glad I waited a year first.

Wait a little bit and observe the sibling dynamics of other children with small age gaps. I have a just over two year age gap, and that was very deliberate. I have three friends with children about 18 months apart and all of these sibling pairs (now between 7/8.5 and 16/17.5) have fucking AWFUL relationships. Two families also have a third child with a larger gap, and both of the older children seem to get on fine with the youngest child. DH also has a brother 20 months younger with whom he has a terrible relationship. I think being below 2 often leads to inchoate non-verbal rage and jealousy which takes a lifetime to work out.

Not to be smug, but my two really are the best of friends. Currently asleep in the same (lower) bunk because it’s Saturday. They would do it every day if they could!

There will also be some benefits to your health and to breastfeeding in waiting until DC1 is 15 months + before TTC.

the gap between mine is 20 months and we trued fur four months so guess our son was 11 mints so started trying at seven months. I wanted a gap of about two years, and my first was a summer baby and wanted to avoid that and we had our DD in late Spring. I wouldn’t want them in consecutive school years (I had that with my sister and the amount of teachers who called me her name, even though we look nothing alike, was very annoying).

Thanks everyone, super helpful perspectives. I probably should have clarified our current plans are to revisit the conversation when DD is 1 and see how we feel, so even if we did decide to try then and were super lucky (not previously been the case for us) we’d have a minimum of 21 months gap.

It totally depends on how well you work together as parents, how well you coped being pregnant etc, how well you work as a team. For us it was fine and our youngest are 4 under 5 last were twins. However it wouldn't work for everyone but we actually function well as we are both very calm people and take turns equally, communicate what each other needs done or automatically do it. Happy parents makes for happy babies for us anyhow

Probably not so much in the spirit of the thread, but putting two through nursery at the same time is £££. Or university.

2 at uni at the same time would be very expensive!

We have a 14 month gap and our boys are incredibly close - 17 and 18 now and truly adore each other.

Literally the opposite experience here 😂 my 3 girls are all very close and 16 months between 1 & 2 and 16 months between 2 & 3, they don't have fucking AWFUL relationships. They're all best friends and always want to sleep together, there's no jealousy

Edit - p.s my body has been fine birthing 3 children within the space of 4 years ISH. I breastfed my first for 6 months (she stopped before I got pregnant), I breastfed my second for 10 months (she stopped when I went back to work) and I'm still breastfeeding my third, she is 20 months. I was 25 when I had my first and I'm now 30.

Had 2 under 2 (22months)

Honestly it's great but also a lot.

From 11-16/17m they are able to kill themselves with zero sense of safety.

The main things you really need to work on if you want to do it:
Your gum health and teeth.
Your iron, folic acid, vitamin D
Your core (diasti recti)
Nutrition generally

Ours are 2 and 4 and are opposite sex...they aren't bffs but get along okay (it took a reasonable amount of work on our part)

I had a 22 month gap between my first two, and it worked so well that I also had a 22 month gap between my second two! 😂

2 in nappies at the same time as well! 😱