Want a second child but petrified!

[ETinka]

Hi all, first post here but was maybe looking for some advice to put my mind at ease.

My DP & I have a DS who has just turned 18 months. We've always wanted a second child with a small age gap. Max 3 years. We've been trying for our second and there's a chance I could be pregnant but I am so petrified now that it could be happening. I am nervous for my DS and how he will take it, he would be 2 years and 3 months when the second is here. He loves other children and is wonderful at nursery and always trys to play with other children at the park or when we are out.

I just worry that I will miss key development with him and I wonder how the dynamic with my partner will change.

The reason we are trying now is our wedding is booked for October 2027 and wanted both children at the wedding. I also have other concerns as my first labour was horrendous at 53 hours of back to back contractions that almost ended up with c section but had forceps and the recovery was awful. I couldn't imagine another bad labour and recovery with two kids. I also worry in an extremely vain and selfish way as I still haven't lost all the weight from the first pregnancy. I was ten stone and am now 12.5. I did lose a stone but still not all of it as I gained a lot breastfeeding too. I would want to breastfeed the second and also have time to lose the baby weight before my wedding. I do go to the gym often but am still so concerned.

So for the rambling I just wondered if anyone has had any similar experiences on having 2 kids and losing weight with a second child etc.

Thanks so much xxxxx

Your DS will be fine, most DC have siblings and most cope just fine with it.
Why did you want a small age gap though? Is it just because of the wedding or because of your age? If you have so many concerns it might just be that you’re not ready yet and could just wait until after your wedding. I have 3 years 9 months between my DDs and it was a good age gap and they have always got on fine with each other.

Obviously if you’re already pregnant it’s a bit late - but in that case you will just deal with any issues as they arise. Buy a wedding dress that isn’t too tightly fitting so there’s not too much pressure to lose weight. Line up support from friends and family to help look after your eldest when the new baby is born.

Thanks @user2848502016 I have always wanted them close in age so they can play with eachother for longer. My DP and his sister had a five year gap and he said they grew up very separately as he was just not interested in the same things as her. I have a close gap with one of my older brothers and we grew up thick as thieves. Of course they aren't guaranteed to get along at any age gap but just was worried incase my DS feels left out. Plus I wanted both children at our wedding as we have been engaged many years now and wanted my second before 35 which is still 4 years away lol.

And thanks so much for the advice on the dress I will deffo want something flattering 😂 xxx

Of course they aren't guaranteed to get along at any age gap but just was worried in case my DS feels left out.
He will feel left out to start with but not for long. Don't tell him there's a baby brother or sister coming until quite close to the due date.
Don't worry about the wedding dress - the wedding is only one day.