2 Under 2

[nmwx]

I have a 13 month old and a 3 week old - At the moment DH is doing everything for our eldest as I had an emergency C-Section with baby which unfortunately ran into some complications. I was just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to survive managing 2 babies alone as DH will be going back to work soon and the thought of managing nap times and feeds etc is giving me major anxiety 😅.

Ah remember those days! So much easier now they are 4 and 3

My key rule was focus on what I can solve first- eg toddler snack is quicker than a baby feed
Jokingly I also had we can't all be crying.. if they both were then I couldn't (got me through some of the hardest moments!)
Save spot to put baby down was key, had bouncers/chairs in pretty much every room

And try to enjoy! I have some amazing memories as well as plenty i blocked out

Congratulations! Mine are 21 months and 11 weeks currently! My best advice would be prep what you can the night before, I set an activity up for my toddler on her little table before I go to bed so that in the morning it’s there to grab her attention straight away while I feed baby/make breakfast, I pack a bag with nappies/wipes/spare clothes etc the night before so that I can just grab and go, I’m breastfeeding my youngest still so I have certain toys in a basket that only comes out when I’m feeding to keep my oldest entertained- lots of stickers and crayons too😂

Nap times we either all go up to lie in bed or I take them both for a long walk in the pram so they both get a nap in at the same time! Baby sleeps wherever though really.

Toddler classes, softplays & playgroups are fab just to get toddler out the house and burn off some steam.

You will be fine, the thought is worse than the reality x

I had this. The first 6 months were really tough. After that it got easier. My toddler basically sleep trained the younger one though as she was not going to let me pander to him when all he needed to do was go to sleep. It was quite amazing how well it worked.

Agree with PP, a safe spot to put the baby down was really crucial.

Oh also had certain TV shows/toys/games that came out only when I was feeding or putting baby down, meant my toddler knew I was still thinking of him and what he wanted even if I physically or mentally was somewhere else

Spare shit everywhere. Nappies/creams/wipes/spare clothes upstairs and down stairs. And a set in the car. For all children.

baby bouncer up stairs and downstairs.

double buggy. I had bugaboo donkey second hand.

i bottle fed so different but the youngest ‘helped’ and I utilised simple toys and tv (bluey and CBeebies for the win!)

a sling. My second lived in one. I very much followed the older ones routine and the the youngest slotted in. I still went to toddler group and the baby came along. Nap times were quite strict I would return home for naps kids fell asleep in car on way home and I transferred.

I kept the oldest in nursery three days a week too albeit in shorter days.

Divide your house up into sections as much as you can with stair gates etc. Try to contain them in areas if that makes sense. Obviously you would be with them! Saves situations where the toddler is away up to no good while you're busy with baby etc.

You'll get into a routine of sorts in time but in the meantime don't worry about doing what you can to appease the toddler even if that means more screen time or snacks. It's temporary. They won't be scarred for life.

Get them used to noise during nap times if you can. A completely silent, pitch black environment while everyone tiptoes around during naps isn't actually good because they don't learn to sleep through any unexpected noises like a baby crying or a toddler playing loudly if only one is napping. Tbh mine slept in the pram in the kitchen once they reached toddler age (and in a crib or moses basket in the living room when babies) but life still carried on around them including hoovering 🤣

Feeding time won't be an issue for a while for the baby. I would just try to time things so baby is either napping or content in a bouncer/pram/something else nearby or even a sling while you do meals for your toddler. And feed baby while your toddler plays.

I was worried mine would be jealous of me holding the baby etc but they weren't. I know some kids can be though. Get them to help if they understand. Kids love helping even just can you get me a nappy or can you hold the bottle with me etc then give them loads of praise for how good a big brother/sister they are. Obviously that depends on their understanding of course.

I had twins then 3 under 3 then 4 under 5 so I've been there. It can be daunting but you'll do amazing! Some days will be much harder than others but if you have supportive people around you just ask for help. And make sure your husband is doing 50/50 of the childcare and housework when he gets home too. Oh and I wouldn't go mad trying to keep the house pristine or anything but I find a quick clean and tidy as I go throughout the day keeps things more manageable and saves my sanity a bit!

You've got this ❤️

Yes. Fully agree with all of this.

Spare stuff everywhere is a game changer. A basket upstairs and downstairs stocked with all the crap we need is what we've always done. And we never ever go anywhere without spare clothes (especially bottoms for leaky nappy, or leaky potty training toddler, incidents). It's a bit of a faff for 4 kids but I just know the one time I try to go anywhere without spares will be the time we'll need them 😂

Place to contain baby yes. Double buggy yes. Toy and tv bribes yes. Sling yes. Baby just tagging onto current routine yes.

And yes, a wee bit of part time nursery if you can. Just for a breather.

I bought my toddler some wooden cars that only came out when I was feeding the baby. He loved them and it made feeds much easier. I also liked to have one to one time with each DC so I fed the baby when toddler was on his nap and played with my toddler when the baby was asleep.
We had a strict routine, both were really good with sleep and my baby was sleeping 12 hours at 12 weeks so that helped.
I used a nursery for two afternoons a week for my toddler which really helped and I also joined a health club with a crèche and put them both in it twice a week for two hours.
For weekend we had two buggies as my DH found it much easier when we all went out.
Dinners were simple things like jacket potatoes of fish, chips and peas from the freezer.

When I had 2 under 2 my aim for the day was to get them to nap at the same time so I could get a break. During their nap I also made sure I had a rest, it was the only way I got through it 🤣. I loved it though, they were super close and liked all the same things. It was tough but worked out very well in the long run.

My daughter has four. 5,4,2 and 6 months. I have no idea how she does it, but she does. You’ll be great.

I would say get a slow cooker!It saves having to take your eyes off them for a minute and you can put it on in the morning and it will be ready whenever you come home and you and hubby can eat later but just one meal.
This is particularly important when the second one starts to be on the move I would second the stairs gates I don't have stairs but mine were not allowed in the kitchen but could still see me.
Toddler groups are great for keeping your sanity as you can talk to other parents and it all doesn't seem as bad.

Start a routine just now when hubby is there so it's established by the time he is back at work. Nursery's have kids in a routine from the start. I was able to get 5 babies down for nap on my own. Good luck

If it’s possible: nursery three mornings a week when my oldest turned 2.5 really helped with my guilt because of them seemingly having to wait for me to finish breastfeeding constantly. I knew that if a day went absolutely tits up with my Velcro DC2 and DC1 had had too much TV, she had also had her nine hours of development in a really great nursery each week. Stay and plays etc. are also great for socialisation though.

I second a sturdy cot downstairs. I had a Moses basket which felt precarious with DC1. I couldn’t even pop to the kitchen to grab something. I really wish I had a narrow but deep cot. IKEA does a good one.

A good double pram is an investment for the naps. FB Marketplace has Bugaboo Donkeys etc. Mine were difficult to get down the same time at home but it was bliss when they both napped in the pram at the same time. A friend didn’t bother and had to scoop a toddler up off the supermarket floor with no pram to put them into them cajole them to walk home with her more than once.

I don’t practise what I preach still with this one but those little moments for you, even if it’s just a nice shower or bath or having time to put some moisturiser on your face (whatever makes you feel happy!), really help decompress and recharge batteries. These moments made me a better mum: less impatient and grumpy.

Steam bags of frozen veg saved me having to clean and peel veg but ensured I was getting plenty of veg into DC1 - and myself!

Mine are 10 and 9 now so it’s all a distant, rose tinted memory. I got them into the same nap routine (cuddled up together in the middle of the double bed as they soothed each other) and that made everything else exponentially easier. Double buggy for long walks with a packed lunch.

It gets easier with every milestone. It’s worth it. Mine have a close, loving, fun sibling relationship. They’re best friends.

Thank you everyone for your replies, you’re making it sound a lot less scary than I thought 😅

I had two under two not long ago (they’re now 2 and 6 months), others have give really good advice so the only thing I’ll say is just remind yourself when the days feel really hard (which they will) that it is going to get easier! My first 6-8 weeks were a nightmare to the point where I thought “what the hell have I done”, my little girl cried solidly from 5-9pm every evening and fed every 90 minutes to two hours all through the night. Then 8 weeks hit and she became the happiest, easiest little baby ever, even more so than my little boy who everyone used to say was the happiest baby they’d ever met. You’ll organically get into the swing of it without even realising, and before you know it they’ll be sat next to each other playing with stacking cups and hide and squeak eggs and your heart will be full of happiness 🥰

2 of mine are 11 months apart I just got on with it and honestly found the smaller age gap easier

Some great advice here.
Was your eldest already in childcare?
I was able to re-arrange my 30 hours with the nursery so she went 7:30-3, 4 days a week, term time only. It meant my husband got her up and dressed and took her on his way to work. I then had a stroll down with the baby and pushchair in the afternoon. Also took snacks and had a very long stroll back via the park!
My instant pot was my friend. Things like spag bol. You brown the mince in it, add the dey spaghetti, water, passata, herbs and stuff. You can do this whenever you get a spare minute and it keeps it hot until you are ready. In fact I still do this in order to get them fed as soon as they come in from school before gymnastics. Can literally be hours earlier that you made it. The bowl just goes in the dishwasher too!

We have 4 under 4 the youngest are twins, and then older ones but since I was used to coming from a large family I dont find it hard I love it. Hubby just went back to work recently but soon as he is home he dives into what needs done and even tho he gets up for work 4am he will check nappies before he goes. We are lucky with good sleepers tho even our olders sleep well which is definitely a big plus..Don't over think it you will be fine

A wrap sling was an absolute game changer for me. It gave me two hands to do things for the older one when the little one was in it.

Don’t try and do too much at first. As long as all 3 of you are fed and clean, you’re doing well.

Congratulations 🥂. I had a 14m gap - mine are 9&8 now. I found that I didn’t have as much time to whittle about being prepped for every eventuality with 2. The mental capacity wasn’t there!
a bag, with 4 nappies, a spare vest, a blanket and a muslin was plenty. And my sling for the baby.

I also found that people were really nice to me and happy to help. In Aldi once, my toddler was helpfully taking items out of the trolley and putting them on the floor as I was loading the belt. And my poor 3 week old was in the sling. I didn’t know what to do or where to start! An assistant came over and packed all my stuff into bags and the people behind were distracting my toddler. It’s funny now looking back!

at the time, my husband worked away so I was on my own Monday to Friday. I actually found it easier. You get into a groove after a week or 2. Naps get coordinated by driving about or walking with the pushchair. Get your husband to make you lunch and put it in the fridge each day.

I had 2 under 2 and they are now 19 and nearly 18 and really, really close - it's lovely! I managed to get them napping at the same time once a day so I could rest although it took a while.

Agree with stashing stuff everywhere so you don't have to go off and get nappies/clean clothes.

My mum said always deal with the toddler first as they are mobile and baby isn't - she was right! Also toddler then didn't feel pushed out.

It's very full on but I got on better with a small gap than my friends/family who had 3-4 years between kids. My oldest never really remembered it being any other way.

I agree about doing it all yourself and getting into the groove, I had a good routine which made the days a lot easier.

Double buggy. Soft wrap sling for babywearing newborn. Eldest in nursery a couple of mornings a week. Little activity basket for toddler to play with when breastfeeding newborn.
And sometimes we all just needed ms Rachel on tv !