DH can't cope with 2dc, I would want a football team

[Notideallio]

My DH really struggled after the birth of DC1. He worked hard to improve and we had DC2. I have been open about wanting at least two children, and I think he did it for me, I think if this wasn't the case he wouldn't have had more.

I know DC3 is off the cards but I'm just so devastatingly sad that DH doesn't enjoy family life, doesn't seem to enjoy the kids, only talks about the negatives, can't deal with bed time etc.
I would love more children but ultimately feel sad that I don't have the family unit I imagined. I don't think DH is happy and it's starting to be too hard to ignore.

Can anyone offer any words of comfort? I am really struggling.

I would say why would you want more kids with someone who isn’t happy?

Two is a lovely number! More than some, less than others - but it’s what you have. Your children deserve parents who are happy and present, not longing for some theoretical John & Kate + 8 scenario.

Is he taking parenting and/or self improvement classes? Have you told him to stop whinging and be a man his kids will like and who you can respect?

I could be wrong but it sounds like you might be pussyfooting around him, he actively got you pregnant, twice, so he needs to parent, and function as a spouse.

Decide whether this man really enhances every aspect of you and your kids lives and if he makes it all easier and fun. That's the entire point of a relationship. If he's going to traumatise your kids by demonstrating that he doesn't want them, it's best to divorce.

Did you discuss kids before you got married? If so what changed after DC1? If he is already struggling I certainly wouldn’t have more kids with him

He doesnt want young children, I think most men don't. A lot of women don't.
I had my DS before realising I absolutely didn't want any more or even the one I had which was devastating as Id always dreamt of a happy home with children.
It didn't help that my exH had no interest in us or making a family life happen.
It could be he'll be a better father when they are older and more interesting and you will have to hold the fort for now.
Let's face it life with young children is pretty tedious. Make sure you make time just for the two of you as adults and its not just all about the kids.
I think if you don't do that the marriage will fail.

Did he ever want a child or was it something he went along with because you wanted children?

It's really devastating to be living a life that you didn't want day in, day out.

At the moment this is the situation for both you and DH.

As you can't unmake children you're both kind of stuck with it. He can only look to the future when they're grown. You can consider leaving him and hoping to find the family you want somewhere else (or by yourself).

Is there enough left between you to have a real heart to heart about it and see if there are any changes you could make?

Have you spoken to him? It sounds like you are both really struggling, and the best way through this is to attempt to work on it together first.