Vasectomy - is it normal to feel devastated?

[MidnightBlush]

Partner went ahead with a vasectomy, after we agreed not to have more children. We can’t manage another child practically, emotionally or financially. We cancelled one vasectomy, and then rebooked relatively soon after when we realised we were being reckless. The date came around really quickly and I wasn’t ready for it. I was processing a difficult work situation (where my job could be on the line), DS was struggling with sudden health concerns, and we adopted pets a week before the operation. My head was not in vasectomy mode. I asked to cancel/reschedule it but my partner felt we were just delaying the inevitable and went ahead with it. Despite it probably being the right decision, I am completely overcome with a sense of loss and grief. Have others felt this way too after their partners vasectomy?

I think it's normal to feel however you feel.
i didn't really think much when DH had his years ago, it was a non event for me

I felt this way after my 4th. I was devastated but my DH was adamant he wanted a vasectomy as he was sure. The night before he got cold feet and said if I didn’t want it, he would not go. I insisted, because he’s allowed to make that choice and not have to carry my emotions. It was hard for a 6-12 month period but right now we’re on a cruise ship on the way to the canaries and our youngest is almost 18 and home alone. Our life now is BRILLIANT. We have a freedom like I’ve never known in my entire adult life. I had my first at 18 so now in 46 it’s so liberating to be able to do our own thing. We are even looking at buying a canal boat in the next 2-3 years and just going to continuous cruise the canal network as he will be retiring in a few years. Wet hooray a few times a year and do whatever we fancy when he’s not working. If I’d have had more kids, I’d still very much be tethered at home.

I was devastated when I was sterilised, properly sobbing and grieved.

It was my choice, the right decision etc, I don’t think I would ever have felt complete.

It passes.

Depends really? How old are you both and do you have the one child and what did you originally discuss in terms of children when you first got together?

It’s an end of an era, I think it’s normal to have mixed feelings about it all. I knew it was the right decision for us (and DH was adamant either way!)but it did feel quite final.

I will say though that when that initial feeling passes there’s a lot of peace that comes with accepting what you have and no longer weighing up the pros and cons which is quite mentally exhausting. No matter what birth control you’re on there’s always that ‘what if’ each month (especially if you managed to pregnant with condoms and the coil like we did!) I appreciated my family more and was better able to get on with and enjoy life.

This happened to me and I just couldn’t get over it (it wasn’t my idea or what I really wanted) I had it reversed successfully 5 years later.

Yes! I went through a grieving process. End of an era, no going back 😢 luckily it didn’t last long, maybe 6 months? Although I still get pangs of sadness when I think that I will never have another baby 😔

I felt a feeling of relief and peace after being sterilised - so glad I'll never accidentally get pregnant. I love my two but had horrific pregnancies and one horrific birth.

However, everyone is different and it seems like your emotions are more common than mine in this situation.

In your op you said you wouldn't be able to handle another child "emotionally". I'd tap into that train of thought and hopefully you'll come to a place of relief and peace knowing that can't accidentally happen.

Another thing I'd suggest (ignore if this isn't relevant) is to declutter any baby stuff or kids' stuff that your youngest has outgrown. It's really freeing to let go of it all and come out the other side knowing you'll never need those things again. Whereas if that stuff is still lying around the house it might keep reminding you of the baby stages in a sad way

I think it depends if you are really on board with the idea. I had no issue when DH had his, but then when he’d been clear he wanted no more, I told him to book in as I was done too!

No, but we knew two children were exactly what we wanted (and we were lucky enough for that to happen).
I'd taken all the responsibility for contraception up until then and, cynically, I absolutely knew I didn't more children even if we split up, but there'd come a time when I couldn't have them anyway.
Theoretically, he could have more in to his 80s and I didn't want to risk step siblings for our DCs.

Sorry! Edited to say I meant "No, I didn't feel devastated" not "No, it's not normal to feel devasted" - I'm sure for some people it is.

Yes this is something we spoke about as well. We had our family, whatever was to happen in future we weren’t going to “start again” with someone new. Blended families makes the blood of both of us run cold, we’ve seen too much!

Deffo end of an era! A bit like menopause and cessation of periods even though you don’t want any more children and should really celebrate the end of periods just feels sort of sad.
You will get over it and enjoy the benefits of knowing you won’t get pregnant!

I really appreciate each of you sharing your experiences and moral support, it helped me keep some perspective. Vasectomies are always spoken about in such no brainer terms, but emotionally they can be quite complex for both the man and his partner xxx