Planning pregnancy - when is the right time?

[LazyCat96]

My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 2 months. We’re in our early 30s and want to start trying for our first baby. I really want to get pregnant, but I also feel like I have a few more things I want to do before I have a baby or before I’m pregnant (because how can you predict if you’re going to feel really poorly or not), like trips with friends and just enjoying life for a little bit. We spent our 20s scrimping and saving to buy + renovate a house and then for our wedding and for the first time it feels like we have a bit of freedom and disposable income. I know it’s possible to still have a great fun life with kids in tow, but most of my closest friends are far off from having kids and I’m worried I might be losing one last opportunity to enjoy some time with them before becoming a mum and things could change (e.g. my two best friends want to do a road trip in the summer and we’ve talked about it for ages). On the other hand, I know it could take time to even get pregnant and have a successful pregnancy at all. I’m feeling quite overwhelmed as I haven’t told anyone other than my husband that I’ve come off the pill, hormones are flying and I feel quite lonely in having a ‘secret’ from my best friends (I know I could tell them but it feels weird to say we might try for a baby especially when they are not at that same life stage as I am. They will be so happy for me and supportive when it happens, but it’s also not something I want to talk about more openly yet.)

Am I overthinking it? How did you decide the time was definitely right?

I tend to think your instinct is right, to enjoy the things you want to, as you do most likely have some time. That said, I wish I’d started having kids earlier. Had my first at 34 and second at 37, both conceived easily first month of trying (that is a bit of a headfuck when like you, you prepare that it could take ages. Started trying for a 3rd at 41 but it never happened. No one has a crystal ball eh.

Most people I know wish they had their kids younger rather than older. I had my first in my late 20s 3.5 years ago, and in ideal circumstances I would happily get out the way younger.

Keep in mind babies are just the beginning. You've still got the fun teenage years that will more than like coincide with when perimenopause hits.

If you're unsure you want kids, wait. If you're 100% sure you want kids, then what are you waiting for? You'll never be ready because nothing can prepare you.

I had mine older (37) and no regrets at all. I started thinking about it earlier but just wasn't ready. I spent 2 years doing bucket list things in preparation though! For me, they were things like run a marathon, which yes, I can do later, but I got a much better time at 34 than I will at 54. When we started trying,I felt it was 100% the right time. Most of my friends who came off the pill took about a year to conceive though, so you might still have time to tick a few things off.

I think leaving it a year won’t make much difference. You should at least do the road trip with your friends.
Fertility is different for everyone but plenty of people have children in their mid- late 30s with no problems getting pregnant.
And yes you could take a year to conceive but it can happen straight away too.