Feelings of wanting another baby but my husband doesn’t want any more.

[Daisymaureenwright]

I have three amazing children two daughters aged seven and four and a son who is three. Recently I have been getting feelings of wanting another baby. I don’t know if it’s because all my children are either at school or nursery full-time and I’m at home on my own. It’s really hard to know why I suddenly feel like this. I was brushing my teeth this evening and I just got a rush of wanting a baby so bad and it has made me feel quite upset. My husband keeps asking me what’s wrong. I don’t feel like I can talk to him about it because previously I have joked about having another child and he was extremely annoyed. When I fell pregnant with our son, he was adamant he didn’t want another child however I couldn’t put myself through having an abortion so I decided to keep our son. He does joke about him not forgiving me with going through the pregnancy but deep down I know he does feel like this. But anyway, Im finding it quite difficult to deal with these feelings, is this normal? I’m worried these feelings will get so strong that they will put a strain on our marriage.

Just stop. You're a family. It's not just you deciding to have an extra child while brushing your teeth. Make sure your contraception is roco solid. Enjoy the kids you have, and the relationship you have managed to maintain with your husband. What would a fourth add that your current children can't provide?

Three is more than enough for anybody.

Sorry this is beside the point but I’m amazed you can afford nursery full time if you’re a SAHM? If you have lots of time then maybe a training course or hobbies would be good to focus your time (apologies if I’ve mis-interpreted this and you’re working)

You’d have to stop eventually even if he did want another one. And you’ll need to fill your days with something else. Pets, work, friends, hobbies. It doesn’t sound like he wanted a third so I’d be extremely grateful for what you’ve got and put your energy into some sort of project. Broodiness can be very powerful but it’s just your hormones and possibly feeling a bit purposeless. You can choose not to let it damage your marriage so do.

Vivienne, some people go on to have more because it fits their family dynamics. We are all different

If DH doesn’t want any more DC what is he doing about contraception

I’m doing training courses and taking exams next year. And we get funding for the nursery hours.

I definitely feel like it could be hormone related though! Like I have mentioned before, I’m taking training courses but I am always busy during the week.

I’ve asked him to get the snip but he’s refused. He even asked me to get referred to have a hysterectomy and I said absolutely not…I’m only 27 and its more invasive and higher chances of complications for me

If you are only 27 have you ever worked?

Yes, and your husband said he wanted to stop at 2 but you went ahead with #3...you are ignoring this at your peril. Other families may BOTH want more children, not so here and he has been very clear about it.
Bluntly, do you want to be a single mother to 4 with all the emotional , financial and practical fallout that comes with it for rest of you, your husbands and your children's lives?
I hope, and I meant his kindly, your husband has the snip to take the temptation of contraception failure away.

I get it, OP. I also have three (4, 2 and baby) and would love to have a fourth and final. I don’t think my husband will, in which case I will also have to stick with my three gorgeous babies. I appreciate that I am very lucky to have them.

We can afford a fourth and have space, but I accept that there’s no compromise when it comes to creating a new person and that both of us would have to be on board.

Your DH wanted to stop at 2 and you are now pushing for 4.

do you consider him at all?

The way the world is now and the price of it i wouldnt have one more let alone having 3.

I totally get it - for me I really wanted to go from 2 to 3. I did that then never had any desire to go from 3 to 4. I think listen to your body.

i have 3dc under 5. Me and my husband kind of joked about having a fourth together, although deep down for me it was all I could think about after my 3rd. 12 months pp still had these ongoing thoughts. We didn’t really have a proper planning discussion about it, we kind of thought let’s see what happens, we have the space, money, time, etc. But here I am having just found out we are expecting a 4th.

My previous feelings that I had a longing for a 4th didnt actually kick in when I initially found out. TBH we thought wtf have we done? Now we don’t know what to do, this pregnancy is different to our planned 3 dc.

So what I’m getting at is.,, don’t get yourself into my dileema. I’m now thinking all those thoughts I had for the past year were hormones and bs, my brain is taking over now about practicalities and the challenges we might have.

Hope I am making sense at this hour!!