Torn About a Third Baby – My Husband Says No, My Heart Says Yes

[Koda1707]

My husband (30) and I (29) are debating whether to have a third child. We already have a 3.3-year-old son and a 2.3-year-old daughter who both attend daycare from 8–3:30. Financially, we’re stable, so that’s not an issue. The struggle is more emotional: I deeply want another baby, but I’m also afraid of going through the newborn stage all over again and whether I’ll have enough attention and energy for all of our kids.

If your husband says no then what is there to debate?

If your h says no then it has to be no unless you’re thinking about leaving him for another man.

What they said. You might be torn but your husband isn't.

It’s not a strict no on his side, I could easily convince him, but the thing is I’m worried about being able to juggle 3 kids. I have an amazing husband, very involved and in love with our current two.

You, your husband and your children are all very young. You’re not pushing 40 with nearly teen kids needing to make a time sensitive decision on whether you should have one more child.

Give it another few years and see how you both feel about it then.

We had 2 because we couldn't afford a bigger house, car and just the general funding of them when they get older - cars, uni etc.. It was a practical decision. If I had gone with my heart, we'd have had 5 or more!

If you're financially stable, could you instead spend more time with the ones you've got? 8am - 3.30pm is so long for a two-year-old. And for the three-year-old. When you work in nurseries it really hits home.

As pp said
thats a really long day for such small children

Well, the reason we are financially stable is because we both work 08-3:30 😅

If you can afford that much more childcare, reduce your hours instead and spend more time with the ones you already have.

Our consideration was the kids first.
Would they benefit from another sibling in terms of our time, patience, money?
What if the third baby had additional needs.

For us & our personalities, we felt rolling the dice again would not be in the interest of our existing children and the answer was no. I haven't regretted it for a moment.

But I agree with PP, you are young & have time to decide yet.

But your ambition is to do something that would increase your outgoings, and not just for a year or two.

Same dilemma but a few years ago and pleased that husband stood his ground. Kids need a LOT more input as they grow up and I think it would be a juggle with three plus teenagers cost a fortune.

So he hasn’t said no then?

If you are worried it won’t work out then don’t do it, you are already lucky in life, maybe trust your instinct.

Don't push it. You've got 2 healthy kids, one of each, a stable marriage and life. You could blow it all up especially as your DH isn't 100% on board. Your children have a sibling so you're doing this for you, not for them. Another baby isn't going to enhance your existing children's lives one bit.

What if it’s twins?

That was me. I desperately wanted a third . My husband didn’t. We didn’t have one. Ultimately I had 2 wonderful children and didn’t want to force him against his will and potentially damage my marriage. Do I ever wonder what if? Absolutely but then we have had amazing adventures as a 4 that we couldn’t have had as a 5 and the kids have far more money and resources available to them than if we’d have a third. Swings and roundabouts honestly.