To plan a child with your ex husband - is it nuts?

[35andstressed]

Ok so my husband and I split 2 years ago. On completely good terms.
He is honestly a great guy and il like to think I'm not too bad either 🤣 we simply shifted to far apart to mend. To be honest we should have married, we are always more suited to best friends over romantic partners.
Anyway I haven't dated seriously since and I don't believe he has either.
Why both desperately wanted kids and still do but while together there was no love and it never seemed like a good time to introduce a child into a "cold" household.
The issue is I'm now 36 (and he 44) and now neither of us have children. I have looked into donors and the likes (which seems uncommon in Ireland). I can afford to look after a child as a single mother but I can't help but wonder if I should approach him and see his thoughts on becoming a parent alongside me.
I know he'd be a great dad as he's in general a great guy so no issue there and he has always wanted children but am I mad.
Some day they couldn't bring a child into a broken home but doing it alone still means no father so sure a dad 50% of the time is better than none. Others may argue that they couldn't have a child they know they would have have 50% of the time but surely that's also better than none.
Any advice on if anyone has been in a similar position would be amazing.

You’ve asked, am I mad? Yes, bonkers.

It’s a batshit idea!

All the reasons you split will only be magnified with a child. You’re bonkers. Don’t do it.

Absolutely fucking mental idea.

On the contrary, I think it could work. You already know him well, you know that he would be a good father, that he's reliable etc.
The downside for you is that if you wanted to meet someone else, it would be harder once you have a child. You are young enough that you could wait a year or so.

In a nutshell, yes you are nuts

I'm gonna go with... if you're asking on here, then there is hesitation & doubt.

If it was gonna work, you wouldn't be asking and would have just gone and done it.

Are you thinking about insemination or suggesting having sex? If you do become pregnant, how are you going to sort the logistics once the baby is born? A newborn can't be spending 50% of it's time in another house, away from you. Is he going to pop over and help you in the beginning with night feeds/nappy changing? It's not as simple as 'having a baby'. There's a lot of practical issues that need to be considered. It's not about what you want...is the situation something you should be bringing a child into? Yes, I appreciate men leave pregnant wives/girlfriends, which isn't ideal but you're actively choosing to have a child with a man you're not in a relationship with, and is in fact an ex!! Honestly, the answer is no, don't consider your ex an option. Either find someone else, who you do want to be in a relationship with or go down the donor path.

So I have one DC 16, split when baby, and actually looking back I think this would have been a good shout. If you are going to do it I would recommend doing it asap. Two dc similar age sharing arrangements not massively different to one. I would have loved my DC to have sibling.

That said my ex has increasingly annoyed me over the years and it’s a relief co parenting virtually done. My DC been pretty easy. Imagine a scenario where next dc has additional needs or a disability. Also if one or both of you get new partners

I do not think you are bonkers. Seems a preferable option to anonymous donor in your situation ..

I think it is a good idea. I think it is better than having to go it alone for both of you, you know him well and you know that as a couple you don’t work out but as parents that is a whole different kettle of fish.

So I have one DC 16, split when baby, and actually looking back I think this would have been a good shout. If you are going to do it I would recommend doing it asap. Two dc similar age sharing arrangements not massively different to one. I would have loved my DC to have sibling.

That said my ex has increasingly annoyed me over the years and it’s a relief co parenting virtually done. My DC been pretty easy. Imagine a scenario where next dc has additional needs or a disability. Also if one or both of you get new partners

I do not think you are bonkers. Seems a preferable option to anonymous donor in your situation ..

Dreadful idea. No sane man would even consider this.

Do not even think about it!!!!

I think you're putting your wants over any prospective child's wants or needs which is not a good place to start.

On the face of it, you haven’t parted on bad terms and he doesn’t sound like he’s a complete prick, so it would be worth exploring but you’d have to seriously consider the logistics and the implications that would come with it.
What if a new partner (for either of you) came onto the scene? Would you be ok with the 50/50 parenting? Would your ex even be up for it?!
I think it’s quite a can of worms to open.

Fucking nuts!! It’s Sod’s Law that you would meet someone amazing when you’re 2months pregnant…and then what?! No, no, no!

How so? In a solid co parenting relationship and already has one child with him.

I don't currently have any child nor does he?

Absurd idea for a number of reasons. You would both be the legal parents so he would have a “right” to shared care. Sure you think that works now - what about when one or both of you get into new relationships and maybe don’t like the other one’s partner?

If you want a kid outside a relationship then do it alone with donor sperm so you are the only parent and if you do have another relationship which ends, that person won’t have any claim over your child.

I think if you already had a child with him, then maybe it might make sense? You wouldn't be tying yourself to someone that you weren't already tied to.

But given that you don't, I honestly think it's an absolutely batshit idea.

They don't already have a child so there is no solid co-parenting relationship. There is a rocky personal relationship that didn't work out romantically.

Remember all the things about him that annoyed you and made you find it hard to be with him? Then times that by at least 10, as that's how annoying and difficult it will be to co-parent. It can be tricky even in a loving relationship where you share similar values and livee together so know each other's routines and preferences backwards. Either that, or he wouldn't step up and you'd feel forever resentful.

Sorry! Misread

in that case am with everyone else. I wouldn’t