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Unplanned 3rd child

8 replies

Loulou233 · 26/07/2025 14:56

Unexpectedly pregnant with third child. Older girls are 3&2 years. I would love the baby and my husband absolutely does not and really wants me to get an abortion. He has expressed how much he does not want a third, he didn't even really want a second but I pushed for a sibling. His reasoning is mainly his age, 42 (not even too old in my eyes) and he's not a fan of baby phase at all. I would be the one more concerned about the financial side of things, and the extra expense of a third. I would be concerned about the impact on our current, pretty perfect, family dynamic. We are so happy at the minute, seen the light at the end of a 3 year baby tunnel, so I would worry a new baby would upset that but I always wanted a bigger family than I had (we were 2). I think we would manage, we're doing phenomenal at the minute in my humble opinion! We love travelling though, so that could be impacted, my girls are the best of friends, how would a third girl fit in I wonder. I'm the main breadwinner and my career is stable and well enough paid.

I really think it would be so unfair on my husband if we go ahead with it, but equally I feel I could be consumed with regrets and resentment if I go ahead with the termination, or perhaps not, I was already coming to terms with only two in the last few months and our life is pretty great. I'm at a loss as to what to do, I wish I could make my husband happy without costing me so much. I am feeling so many mixed emotions, I feel like with either decision one of us is going to be deeply unhappy and that there is no compromise in this decision.

Of course this will be our own decision I would just love to hear others views on it.

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 26/07/2025 18:58

It’s always a risk if you have sex and he hasn’t had a vesectomy. Sounds like you want it. Your body.

RosieLeaLovesTea · 26/07/2025 18:59

What if it’s not a girl- what if it’s a boy?

TheyreLikeUsButRichAndThin · 26/07/2025 19:05

I have 3 (not that close together even) and it’s WAY harder than 2. We were doing phenomenally with 2, too, how much harder could 1 more little lovely baby possibly be?😆 obviously obsessed with her and she’s brilliant but it is SO much more work. The laundry alone is tenfold somehow. The brain is so much more full. The worry. The planning. She’s 3 now, oldest is 10, the high of babies has worn off and the grind has set in for sure.
It’s lovely and colourful and never a dull moment but it’s also a lot of work. And I have an INCREDIBLY hands on DH. Sounds like the hard times would all be on you tbh!

TheyreLikeUsButRichAndThin · 26/07/2025 19:06

Also
how would a third girl fit in I wonder
Whats that all about? That close together she’d probably fit in beautifully. Hope you’re open to a boy though! He’d fit in beautifully too, boys are soooo much easier.

Loulou233 · 31/07/2025 00:25

Thanks all for your lovely messages. @TheyreLikeUsButRichAndThin I think I'm also thinking (very naively) sure what's one more, the house is chaos anyway! So that is great perspective. We're still talking it through and DH seems to be more understanding. Still a big decision with lots of implications whatever we decide.

OP posts:
BNRNFN14 · 09/08/2025 11:33

Hi,

I've found myself in such a similar position. What have you decided to do? I've got two boys, one has just turned three and the other is 11 months, I absolutely categorically believed I was so done, my hands are full and I absolutely adore the bones of them and I'm just not sure how I could cope with adding another one. I thought I was set on a termination but I keep wondering whether it'll be something I'll regret forever. My relationship is very stable, we're financially fine, we have a big house so that side really is no worries. I'm just worried how it would effect my bigger two and hope I could still be the best for them. I was worried when I was pregnant with #2 and felt so much guilt towards my first but he has just been the most amazing brother and adapted so well. It feels like we've just started to be able to enjoy our days out and get a routine where we all sleep and I'm just in such a tricky situation. Sorry to ramble, I haven't spoken to anyone about it and so I has to let it all out

BNRNFN14 · 09/08/2025 11:33

Hi,

I've found myself in such a similar position. What have you decided to do? I've got two boys, one has just turned three and the other is 11 months, I absolutely categorically believed I was so done, my hands are full and I absolutely adore the bones of them and I'm just not sure how I could cope with adding another one. I thought I was set on a termination but I keep wondering whether it'll be something I'll regret forever. My relationship is very stable, we're financially fine, we have a big house so that side really is no worries. I'm just worried how it would effect my bigger two and hope I could still be the best for them. I was worried when I was pregnant with #2 and felt so much guilt towards my first but he has just been the most amazing brother and adapted so well. It feels like we've just started to be able to enjoy our days out and get a routine where we all sleep and I'm just in such a tricky situation. Sorry to ramble, I haven't spoken to anyone about it and so I has to let it all out

purplespink · 09/08/2025 13:34

Currently cuddling my accidental third baby. She’s the most amazing thing to ever happen to me and I would never want a life without her. I was so worried about how it would all work. And to be honest OP, I was right to in a way. She’s a lovely baby but very clingy to me. My other DC are 8&6 and I’ve barely spent time with them in the last 7 weeks and I feel terrible (had a very difficult recovery from a c section and infections). My DH is very, very hands on with the other two and has done all of the housework but it would’ve been so very hard if that wasn’t the situation. The older two adore their little sister but I can see already how life is going to be more difficult practically speaking. Would I change it for anything? No. Is the reality that a third child changes things and can make practical things much more difficult? Yes. Am I glad that she accidentally happened? More than I can tell you.

@Loulou233

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