DH and I both talked about having multiple children, likely two before getting married and pregnant. However, things were very difficult after DS was born in November, the birth wasn’t the easiest and we had a very difficult time with him being seriously unwell just after. I don’t use the term lightly when I say it was traumatic, and DH and I are still processing our PTSD and DS’s diagnosis for a manageable but dangerous condition.
Because of this, my husband no longer thinks that he can have another. His reasons are multiple such as wanting to give DS the best life we can, not wanting to experience another difficult birth, not wanting another child with the same condition, and more general concerns of how tiring and busy post-baby life is. His reasons are completely sensible, and logically I agree, but emotionally I don’t. I still want another, even with everything we went through and even though I recognise that not having another is the smart choice.
I’ve always pictured having multiple children, I always wanted three but thought two might be more practical, but I realise now I’d never even considered just having one. I didn’t realise how strongly I held these views until the situation changed, and now I’m really struggling with it. I love my son completely and I am so incredibly grateful to have him, especially as there was a time when I thought we would lose him, but I just can’t shake this feeling of sadness at the loss of hypothetical other child/ren.
We are very good at communicating and being open, and know and understand each others position. I have told him I’m not ready to get rid of the baby clothes and Moses basket etc, but deep down I know that this is likely the only baby we will have as I don’t see his mind changing and we need to both want it.
I am going to seek some professional help to come to terms for this (he is seeking help too for what happened), but in the meantime I wondered if anyone had tips or resources for how I can get my head around this change in what I thought my future would look like.